History Lessons

1. Why was Eric the Red called Eric the Red?
He came from the red side of the family and the other side had Little Boy Blue and Bluebeard.

2. Why did Christopher Columbus sail west?
He was lured by a mermaid.

3. Who were the Vikings?
Guys from Minnesota that play with the Packers, Bears and Lions.

4. What is a scullery maid?
The one who hangs out near the butler’s pantry.

5. What is a dumb waiter?
The one that is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

6. How did British sailors earn the moniker, Limeys?
They put the lime in the coconut and mixed it all up.

7. How did U.S. troops earn the moniker, Yanks?
They started yanking everyone’s chain.

8. What is borscht?
A soup named after Boris Karloff.

9. Who were the Bolsheviks?
Trump’s ancestors.

10. What was the original purpose of the Great Wall of China?
That was constructed to keep out immigrants.

Written for Fibbing Friday hosted by PCGuy this week.

I Really Think So

A year before the Bangles recorded ‘Walk Like an Egyptian’, the Vapors released their hit song ‘Turning Japanese’.  The Vapors explained that this love song is about someone who lost their girlfriend and was slowly going crazy.  In 1980, this song came out on their New Clear Days album and it went to #3 in the UK, but only reached #36 in the US.  This song topped the Australian charts for two weeks and it was also a minor hit in Japan.  The Vapors were a British new wave, power pop, pub-rock group formed by David Fenton (vocals), Edward Bazalgette (guitar), Steve Smith (bass) and Howard Smith (drums) who initially existed between 1978 and 1981.  David Fenton wrote this song and he was formerly the director of Public Relations at Rolling Stone magazine in 1978.  He was co-producer of the “No Nukes” concerts with Jackson Browne, Bruce Springsteen, Bonnie Raitt, James Taylor and many others in New York City, 1979.  The Vapors recorded two albums before splitting up.  In 2016, the band decided to reunite for four shows after not playing for 35 years.  They did this without drummer Howard Smith who was replaced with Michael Bowes.

I’ve got your picture
Of me and you
You wrote “I love you”
I wrote “me too”
I sit there staring and there’s nothing else to do

Oh it’s in color
Your hair is brown
Your eyes are hazel
And soft as clouds
I often kiss you when there’s no one else around

I’ve got your picture, I’ve got your picture
I’d like a million of you all ‘round my cell
I want the doctor to take your picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You’ve got me turning up and turning down, I’m turning in, I’m turning ‘round

I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so
I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so

I’ve got your picture, I’ve got your picture
I’d like a million of them all ‘round my cell
I want a doctor to take your picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You’ve got me turning up and turning down, I’m turning in, I’m turning ‘round

I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so
I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women
No fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it’s dark
Everyone around me is a total stranger
Everyone avoids me like a cyclone ranger
Everyone

That’s why I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so
I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so
(Think so think, so think so, think so)
Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie MM Music challenge Walk Like an Egyptian.

The Heart Has Its Seasons

‘Eyes of the World’ is a Grateful Dead song that was written by Hunter and Garcia and appeared on the 1973 studio album Wake of the Flood.  It is full of beautiful imagery drawing on the change of seasons and it includs a myriad of of birds, beeches, flowers, seeds and horses.  This song conveys a message of hope, viewing human experiences as necessary changes.  In 1680, Blaise Pascal published his Penseés (Thoughts), which is a collection of fragments on theology and philosophy, and in it he wrote, “The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know.”  Hunter mirrored these thoughts with, “The heart has its seasons, its evenings and songs of its own.”  Hunter may have been writing about trusting in something that we can’t comprehend when he wrote, “You don’t have time to call your soul a critic, no”.

The lyric “nut-thatch winters” puzzles many people, but this is a reference that is used by bird watchers.  Many people say that the jam in this song is very similar to the 1968 funk hit ‘Tighten Up’ performed by Houston, Texas based R&B vocal group Archie Bell & The Drells.  Their song reached #1 on both the Billboard R&B and pop charts and it is ranked #265 on the Rolling Stone magazine’s list of “the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time” but the chords and melody are different, so any connection to this song is probably just coincidental.  Garcia said that he was going for a Brazilian sound, a song with a samba feel.

In 1933, Huddie “Lead Belly” Ledbetter recorded the song ‘Goodnight, Irene’ which includes the verse, “Sometimes I live in the country, sometimes I live in town, Sometimes I take a great notion, to jump into the river and drown” and this verse served as the title to the 1964 Ken Kesey novel, Sometimes a Great Notion.  Hunter may have been influenced by this as his lyrics say, “Sometimes we live no particular way but our own, And sometimes we visit your country and live in your home, Sometimes we ride on your horses, sometimes we walk alone, Sometimes the songs that we hear are just songs of our own”.

Right outside this lazy summer home
You ain’t got time to call your soul a critic no
Right outside the lazy gate of winter’s summer home
Wondering where the nut-thatch winters
Wings a mile long just carried the bird away
Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world
The heart has it’s beaches, it’s homeland and thoughts of its own
Wake now, discover that you are the song that the morning brings
But the heart has it’s seasons, it’s evenings and songs of its own
There comes a redeemer, and he slowly too fades away
And there follows his wagon behind him that’s loaded with clay
And the seeds that were silent all burst into bloom, and decay
And night comes so quiet, it’s close on the heels of the day
Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world
The heart has it’s beaches, it’s homeland and thoughts of its own
Wake now, discover that you are the song that the morning brings
But the heart has it’s seasons, it’s evenings and songs of its own
Sometimes we live no particular way but our own
And sometimes we visit your country and live in your home
Sometimes we ride on your horses, sometimes we walk alone
Sometimes the songs that we hear are just songs of our own
Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world
The heart has it’s beaches, it’s homeland and thoughts of its own
Wake now, discover that you are the song that the morning brings
But the heart has it’s seasons, it’s evenings and songs of its own

Written for Paula’s Thursday Inspiration 26 where this week’s theme is heart.

My First Bralette

I became aware that I needed a bra when I was a tween as my bosoms started budding, but I was reluctant to take the leap into womanhood.  My dilemma was compounded by me being the only child of a single dad after my mom passed away.  I knew the basics of straps, cups, underwire and padding, but I was not into frilly things.  I wanted something that would hide my nipples, as the boys did seem to be looking differently at me and that made me feel insecure.  I knew that I was approaching puberty, as in Fifth Grade we learned about male and female body parts, pubic hair, menstruation, periods, erections, nocturnal emissions, hormones and all that awkward stuff, but lucky for me, I was not the first girl in my class to develop breasts.

Several of my friends were wearing bras and I decided to start looking at the different styles online to see what would work for me.  I didn’t want a training bra, as I remember when the boys found out that Susie was wearing a training bra, they asked her what kind of tricks she was going to be able to do with her tits.  I could probably use a sports bra, one that would be sturdy enough to minimize breast movement, and also alleviate discomfort, as I wanted to play soccer.  I knew that I was not ready for a cupped bra, a padded bra, a strapless bra, a pushup bra, or a wired bra yet, but the bralette looked interesting to me and I decided that is what I would shop for.  The bralettes seemed like a better alternative to me instead of going with the bra, being more comfortable because they are wire free and I didn’t need all that much support yet.  I wanted to be comfortable and have something that was less constricting, something that was not going to be too tight, because I didn’t want anything that would leave red marks or indentions in my skin.

I could wear the bralette as a layering piece offering me coverage if I wore a low-cut tank top, or a revealing blouse with open armholes, or a top with a deep V-neck.  If it was made of thick enough material, it would minimize the protrusion of my nipples under my clothing and that was important to me.  There were still plenty of decisions for me to make, as I wasn’t sure if I wanted one that was made from microfibre, lace or a cotton blend and there are also various styles and patterns that I needed to consider.  Another thing for me to decide was whether I should go with the front or back closure, or would a pull-on style work better for me.  I guess I also needed to consider what color would work best for me and if I should look at bralettes with flower or butterfly patterns on them and the more I learned, the more difficult I realized that this shopping was going to be.  I knew that shopping was going to be a big part of my life and in the future, I would be purchasing lingerie to make me look good and wearing undergarments like boyshorts and thongs that would empower me and make me feel like a sexy woman.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Tale Weaver – #245 hosted by Michael – October 17 – Shopping.

Time Traveler Tool

I feel that I am an addressable person able to connect with others, although I do need to bleep out what they are saying sometimes.  I became a concrete music maker, because I liked to digitize the echos, noises, sounds et alia to irritate my frenemy.  I have always been a goof-off ever since the hyperon was thought to reside in a neutron star and for this reason my doctor prescribed immunoglobulin for me, however after my prescription ran out, I started to joypop it.  A side effect of this drug turned me into a klepto, however the tranquility of being on a golf course helped this condition, so I started working as a looper, but I had to quit because the mock turtleneck uniform made me feel all itchy.  I worked on a cure to relieve the itchiness and I ended up inventing a nerve agent that caused off-the wall, highly unusual symptoms that sometimes led to postorgasmic illness.  Drinking a lot of quinine water fixed this, but it produced an unwanted reverb in my ears and a desire to eat shawarma.  I began to undergo this androgen insensitivity syndrome known as testicular feminization and I was required to drink ultra-pasteurized oil from a V-6 engine which led to flatulence and everywhere I went, it sounded like I was sitting on a whoopee cushion.

Written for Linda G. Hill’s One-Liner Wednesday where I selected 23 words that first started being used in 1953 and these are: Addressable, bleep, concrete music, digitize, et alia, frenemy, goof-off, hyperon, immunoglobulin, joypop, klepto, looper, mock turtleneck, nerve agent, off-the wall, postorgasmic, quinine water, reverb, shawarma, testicular feminization, ultra-pasteurized, V-6 and whoopee cushion.

Balloon Art Convention

There is going to be a whole lot of balloon twisting and shaping going on this weekend at the Lanesborough London five-star hotel in Hyde Park this weekend, and we are likely to see all types of balloon animals.  The hotel features a vibrant night life bar, a magnificent club & spa, free WiFi and it has 24-hour butler service.  I booked us a luxurious suite and made reservations at the Michelin-starred Céleste restaurant, where I am going to order the beef Wellington.  I know that most people see balloon art as being squeaky and irritating, but I have been a balloon twister bending different shapes and creating my own special art my whole life.

The world of balloon art provides entertainment for parties and special events, but right now it is growing rapidly and I plan to make it pop as I take this to a whole new level with the only limit being the extent of my imagination.  I want to win first prize and get to drive home that new pink car that is parked out front.  Tomorrow I will create a giant love boat balloon and a tunnel of love balloon canal for it to sail down, using 250 balloons sculpted together.  The other balloon artists are welcome to place their balloon art in my tunnel of love and I hope it will be lined with dogs, rabbits, giraffes, monkeys and a moose or two.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie NEKNEERAJ’s Photo Challenge #285.