Ice Breakers

I just got a new GPS specifically designed for seniors and not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it also tells me why I wanted to go there.

I will never understand why everything has to stay in Vegas.

What is up with aliens and anal probing?

I haven’t had this much fun since my baby sister was eaten by rats.

Barbie only became popular because everyone bought her friends.

Written for Dr. Tanya of Salted Caramel 5 Things challenge where she asked us to list conversation starters.

Art Of Flirtation

Her book just made the New York Times Best Sellers List and everything was going well in her life now.  Carla Crane was a Romance Novelist who had her heart broken by many men, but she understood how sex motivated a person’s behavior and she put together the ultimate guide for how to flirt with others.  She worked as a dating consultant for Tinder and Bumble and she wrote several articles about which pickup lines worked and why they did.  Carla described how innocent flirting fun opens up a portal to make any relationship more intimate and satisfying.  She explained that flirting is the most important utensil in the dating tool box and that it was necessary for trying to get someone in bed for a one-night stand, and even how helpful it is for spicing up a long-term relationship.  Carla expressed the need for habitual flirting with your partner and at what point it crosses the line.

Carla described herself as a relationship expert and she frowned on people referring to her as being a Sexpert, as she never talked about positions, for her it was all about the chase.  She enjoyed the absolute exhilaration that people feel at the start of every new relationship and she described these burgeoning feelings as the honeymoon phase where everything sails along in a carefree and happy state with lots of laughs, intimacy, and fun dates.  Carla stated that flirting should be a positive experience of socially accepted sexual behavior that can alleviate stress while being fun and she even went as far as saying that it should be treated as a sport.  She said that flirting is the first step into exploring what a new relationship has in store for anyone, as without this component you will never be able to see how things will turn out for you.  There is no better way try to increase the intimacy of a relationship than with flirting.  She elaborated on how flirting is a positive method for increasing a person’s self-esteem and that it was an instrumental part of every business deal allowing one to get something from another person.

Carla was just dropped by a taxi in the parking lot for what was seemingly another late-night business meeting with her publisher, but she was much too smart to be fooled, as today was her birthday and she knew that all of her friends would be inside the train to surprise her.  She was appreciative and she was going to attempt to go along with it by feigning surprise, but she was not sure how well she would be able to pull that off.  When she entered the building, she was going to smile and say, “Wow guys, this is wonderful, thank you so much for thinking about me.  This is fabulous and I didn’t have an inkling about what was going on here.”

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Nekneeraj’s Photo Challenge #371 that uses a photo by George Natsioulis.

My Writing

I think that prompts influence what I read and I know that I delve into some obscure topics that other bloggers would not touch, but I enjoy learning new things.  Since I am a research writer and I write about off the wall topics, my reading takes me to many different places.  Dr. Tanya is asking all of us today, “Does what you read influence or inspire what you write?”, and I think for me it is the other way around, as my writing is influenced by my reading, but like I said, I am different.  I enjoy breaking down complex information and explaining it in a manner that normal people can relate to and no topic is off limits to me.

Written for Blogging Insights by Dr. Tanya.

Baby and Me

Gloria pushed her baby in the stroller and began talking to her little man like usual.  She started mumbling, “He is such a naughty man and although I do enjoy his attention, this flirting that he always does is getting to be too much.  Maybe I should consider being the bad girl that he wants, as I think that I could settle down with a man who I don’t really need in my life, and just choose to have him for my pleasure.  He is very attractive and it should be a good thing that he wants sex, as that would certainly spice up things in the bedroom.  I think that lots of guys would like a woman who is willing to initiate sex, and maybe I should plot a sexy ambush, before I jump his bones.  I just don’t want to be a one-night stand again, as that is how I ended up with you.  Good talk baby, we should do this more often, as you are the best gift I ever had.”

Written for Sadje at Keep It Alive What Do You See #87.

Over Easy Questions

What’s one question you wish more people asked you?
Did you really shake hands with Jerry Garcia?

Do you like eggs?  What’s your favorite way to have them served? (Optional obviously, I know there are egg dislikers in the crowd).
I like eggs, scrambled, fried, hardboiled, all types of eggs.  I usually save eggs for a weekend breakfast and that makes them seem more special.  Did you know that Alfred Hitchcock was frightened of eggs?  The oozy yellow yolks, specifically, freaked him out.

Thoughts on scary movies?  (not horror necessarily, but suspense or action/thrillers)
Yes, I like suspense or action/thrillers, but I am not into gory, or horror, or vampires, unless there are a lot of women walking around in sexy lingerie. 

Do you believe in Karma?
I would like to believe in Karma, but if Karma existed then Trump would be in prison, so even though it is a nice concept, it doesn’t exist in the real world.

Gratitude
I am grateful for all of the bloggers who host writing challenges here on WordPress.

Written for Melanie’s sparksfromacombustiblemind’s Share Your World.

Lesbians In the Rain

The redhead Alice said, “I am so sorry that I left my umbrella home as I did hear the forecast was predicting rain for tonight and I really hope that I am not being too much of an inconvenience to you, but sometimes I can be so forgetful.”  Sheila replied, “Don’t be silly.  This rain is providing us with a good opportunity to share my umbrella, giving each of us shelter and allowing us more intimate companionship.  In Japan it is considered to be very romantic when two people are sharing an umbrella, because it puts them on equal footing with each other, signaling that they are supposed to be together.  I am so glad that we met on Tinder and that you are cool with me bringing my room mate Diane along on our first date.  I showed Diane your photo and she expressed her interest in having a threesome, if you would be OK with that.  Diane and I are not in a relationship, but we do fool around with each other, however we both feel secure, so there is no jealously and we love to share every detail of our hookups with each other.”

Alice said, “You are so sophisticated Sheila, but I told you that I have never been with a woman before, although my desire has always been there.  I think that Diane is really cute and maybe if I watched you two in action with each other, it would make it easier for me to participate.  I have so much to learn, as I am not even sure what types of stuff we would be doing.  I guess we are talking about oral, strap-on penetration, or is it anything and everything where nothing is off limits and just so you know, I am in a very adventurous mood tonight.  I have never thought about a lesbian threesome before and I have no idea what anyone is expected to do.  I guess there are options where one person would focus on the other two people, or those two people would focus on one individual, or while two people are together, one person is watching.”

Sheila said, “Alice you are very analytical and I like that about you, bot you left out one option and that would be where everyone is fucking everyone and we see what works for us that way.  Some things are better if they are not planned and there is always the possibility that two people will pair off and the third one will be left out of the action, but they would be free to play with themselves, until they are able to reengage with the group.  If you end up being the person that is momentarily left out, remember that you were invited to the party, so you should look for a way to jump back in.  The best way to enjoy a threesome is to get naked and try to initiate sex with the others, don’t just stand by and wait for someone to touch you.  Let everyone know what you are comfortable doing and if you need a rest, it is OK to watch.”

Diane spoke, “Human sexuality comes in all the colors of the rainbow.  Just because we are all women, that doesn’t mean that we all have the same anatomy.  We are all different when it comes to what we enjoy and everyone has various things that they like and dislike and the only way that you will ever know what feels good for you, is to try something.  You said that you have never been with a woman before, but you desire to try it and I wonder if you are turned on by other women and you enjoy checking out girls.  It is perfectly normal to be attracted to members of your own sex, even though most of society frowns on this behavior.  This is a big decision that you are making and all I ask is for you to be open with us, especially your legs, sorry I just couldn’t resist cracking a lesbian joke.”  Alice said, “Your joke was very funny, and it made me all wet, or maybe that was Sheila hogging the umbrella.”

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #123.

Comment Peeve

The comments that are made on my posts are fine, I am talking about the comments that I leave on other posts.  This is the best part of blogging, but only 85% of my comments work properly.  It seems like 5% of the people do not incorporate a like button and this is very useful for me, as I only get alerts when somebody likes one of my comments, but also since I am not an emoji type of guy, I would just hit the like button to let them know that I have read their comment.  The next 5% falls into this category where I will get an alert and then I will go back to the post that liked my comment, but they do not have a like button there, but my alert said that they liked my comment.  I have already said what I wanted to say on my initial comment, but I would enjoy hitting the like button on their comment just to let them know that I did read what they said, but since it does not exist of this blog, there is nothing I van do except read what they wrote.  The last 5% of my complaints about comments is on the blogs that make you do a lot of work in order to leave a comment.  They require your name to be entered in a box, your email and your website and yesterday this one blog even took this a step further by forcing me to enter a special code to prove that I am not a robot and all of this crap that they put you through takes the fun out of making comments,

Written for Paula’s Monday Peeve.

Shock Rock

Jalacy Hawkins, better known as Screamin’ Jay Hawkins was an American musician, singer, and actor was the originator of Shock Rock.  This music genre was continued by Arthur Brown, Alice Cooper, Marilyn Manson, Gene Simmons, Rob Zombie and the band Anal Cunt whose music probably offended most people.  Screamin’ Jay Hawkins was one of the world’s most extraordinary performers, as he would arrive onstage in a coffin and emerge from it with two horns poking out of his nostrils.  He wore outlandish outfits made of leopard skins, red leather and wild hats, used macabre props onstage, claimed to practice voodoo and carried a skull called Henry with him that he would regularly set fire to.  His signature song was ‘I Put a Spell on You’ which he recorded in 1956 and this was also his most successful recording.  It was selected as one of The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s 500 Songs that Shaped Rock and Roll, although it failed to make the Billboard pop or R&B charts.

In 1949, he was the middleweight boxing champion of Alaska.  His 1957 single ‘Frenzy’ was released on the early 1980s compilation album of the same name.  Excerpts of the song ‘Frenzy’ were featured in The X-Files episode Humbug, the first explicitly comedic episode in the series which was the twentieth episode of Season 2.  FBI agents Mulder and Scully investigate a series of murders in a community of former circus sideshow performers.  Mulder believes the murderer to be the mysterious “Fiji mermaid”, which Scully argues is only a hoax—a mere humbug.  One night, two brothers in Florida are playing in their home outdoor swimming pool when a mysterious figure approaches them which turns out to be the boys’ father, “Alligator Man”, who scares his sons for fun.  Every episode of the HBO original series True Blood is named after the song that plays during the end credits and Frenzy is the eleventh episode of Season 2.  True Blood was a very complex show being a shock value vampire soap opera that also included other supernatural creatures, but it overstayed its welcome by a couple of seasons.  Bill Compton was a good vampire who dated the human waitress Sookie Stackhouse.  Hawkins died on February 12, 2000 after surgery to treat an aneurysm.

Dig this crazy mood I’m in
Listen to my heart as it starts to spin
Wish
When you kiss me, and do it again
I’m in a frenzy.

Watch my eyes, when you light them up
Bling
Listen to me whine, like a harpsichord
When you touch me I warm right up
I’m in a frenzy.

This love gushes from my heart
Like a water from a spout
You build a flame, from a tiny spark
You can really knock me out.

Yeah

Ease my mind with your real cool lines
Daddy, fill my soul with love divine
When you say you’re mine, all mine
I’m in a Frenzy.

This love gushes from my heart
Like a water from a spout
You build a flame, from a tiny spark
You can really knock me out.

Yeah

Ease my mind with your real cool lines
Daddy, fill my soul with love divine
When you say you’re mine, all mine
I’m in a frenzy.

Frenzy

Written for Song Lyric Sunday where the theme is Brutal, Cruel, Frenzy, Savage, Violent.

Mercilessly Barbaric

Slaughtered like the dogs that they are by a deranged individual, such a cruel frightening world it is down on the killing floor.  So harsh and inhuman to be cut up by a chainsaw and then be smashed to pieces by a sledge hammer, but Cain killed Able because he was brutal and he got a kick out of watching him blead.  I don’t watch horror movies, because the gruesome behavior repulses me and it would likely send me into a frenzy.  Bodies everywhere, blood stains dripping from the ceilings, splattered all over the walls, the horrible smell of this bloodbath will never be removed from my mattress and all of this is a bit too violent for my taste.  Savage, uncivilized, undomesticated, untamed, fierce, ferocious beings that will never be rendered under human control.

Last week we had Hay Is for Horses, with the theme being Greet, Hey, Howdy.  This week we the theme of Brutal, Cruel, Frenzy, Savage, Violent suggested by Melanie.  Take some time to read the posts of other bloggers who respond to this music challenge, and even better, read as many of them as you are able to as you will probably find many enjoyable songs and it is quite possibly that you will learn a thing or two.  Share your music with others and post a video, try do some research and let everyone know something about the song that you post.  Tell everyone why you like the song, whether it was a hit, or what you think the song is about.  Show the lyrics, let’s all listen to our favorite songs and explore some new music.  Try to find a song that fits the prompt, then write your post and create a pingback, or you can just place your link in the comments section.

Here are the “rules”:
• Try to use the prompt words or at least conform to a general theme, as you see it.  If the song you select does not meet the criteria, then please explain why you chose this song.
• It would be good if you could post the lyrics to the song of your choice, as this is helpful for the people that want to follow along with the music.
• Please try to include the songwriter(s) – it’s a good idea to give credit where credit is due. It would also be a good idea to give credit to the singer and the band associated with your song.
• Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be, but please try not to include too many videos as that just makes it take longer to look at all of the other posts.
• Link to the YouTube video, or pull it into your post so others can listen to the song.
• Ping back to this post or place your link in the comments section below.
• Read at least one other person’s blog, so we can all share new and fantastic music and create amazing new blogging friends in the process.
• Feel free to suggest future prompts.
• Have fun and enjoy the music.

I am writing about the song ‘Frenzy’ by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins today.  Next week, I will be writing about the Traditional song ‘On The Road Again’.  The upcoming prompts will be:
June 27, 2021 – Breakfast, Brunch, Dinner, Lunch, Snack, Supper suggested by Paula Light of Light Motifs II
July 4, 2021 – American music which is any song played by an American group.
July 11, 2021 – Bugs, Insects suggested by Amy Braun, ☆ai love music☆ aisasami
July 18, 2021 – Breakup songs suggested by Janis of themomshiediaries

Wanting To Know

  1. What is meant by a break in the weather?
    It is like breaking wind, but wetter.

2.   Why does thunder clap?
To alert you that you just contracted a venereal disease.

3.   What is a heat wave?
This is what fans do when they stand up and sit down while attending a ballgame on a hot summer day.

4.   What are hot pants?

5.   Who or what is canned heat?

6.   Who sang ‘The heat is on’?
A dog in heat.

7.   Where will you find hot air?
Most of the House and half of the Senate.

8.   Who starred in the film Heat?
Martha and the Vandellas

9.   Who or what is Hot Gossip?
Talk is cheap, but this conversation takes place when she puts on a see-through nightgown over her lacy black underwear.

10. What is a hot toddy?
That is a code word for having sex with someone who is more than twice your age.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.