Inability To Display Same-Sex Affection

Contrary to what some people may belief, I am not homophobic, as I don’t have any dislike or am I in the least bit prejudiced against gay people.  I had a bad experience one time when I went for a haircut.  I had only had female stylists cut my hair for years and one day when I went to the hair salon, they said it would be an hour wait for a female stylist, but I could have an appointment with Lance right now.  I allowed Lance to cut my hair, but he made me uncomfortable when he started rubbing the back of my neck and I was really happy when he was done, and I will never let another man cut my hair again.  It was creepy having him touch me and I developed haphephobia because of this.  I don’t want to be treated for this phobia and I handle it by only having female doctors, as I don’t mind women touching me and men need to understand boundaries.  This is a rare specific phobia that involves the fear of touching or of being touched and mine is specific to being touched by people of the same gender.  Haphephobia is a type of anxiety disorder, and I don’t experience any physical reaction to same-sex touch, except it makes me cringe.

Today I had an appointment with my urologist, and she is worried about my kidneys and the male nurse said that the doctor wanted him to do an ultrasound of my bladder, because she needed to check my urine retention, a condition where your bladder doesn’t empty all the way when you urinate.  He had me lay on the table and then he put his hands on my shorts to pull them down which made me feel uncomfortable, so I told him, “Please don’t put your hands inside of my pants, as it creeps me out.”  I told him that I could do that myself.  If it had been a female nurse, I would have let her do whatever she wanted, as I would not have considered that to be an intrusion.  Any time I am touched by a member of the opposite sex, it feels relatively pleasant to me, and I repulsed if someone of the same sex touches me.  The nurse told me that 100 ml of residual urine is considered to be an abnormal level and my ultrasound showed a level of 80 ml, so I guess my kidneys are good today.

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “There is nothing to fear, but the fear itself”, so I know this is all in my mind, but I feel that everyone has something that creeps them out.  My anxiety disorder makes me avoid same sex affection, so I have a relatively small chance of ever becoming gay (not that there is anything wrong with that).  I am apprehensive about the people that I am around when it comes to any situation that involves touching.  If it is for a short duration like being touched on the wrist to have my pulse taken, I would still rather have it be a female touching me, but since you can’t always get what you want, I would be able to tolerate a man doing that and I am able to shake a man’s hand when I am introduced to somebody new.  There was one handshake that I considered to be creepy, when this guy kept hanging on to my hand for a prolonged period of time and it felt like he was trying to caress my hand.  I will end this by saying that gender is a very important consideration for me when it comes down to touching.

Written for FOWC with Fandango – Contrary.

Celebrate Freedom

There are a multitude of stories involving Black history that often go untold.  Last year President Joe Bidden signed legislation designating Juneteenth (the nineteenth of June) as being an official National holiday saying, “I hope this is the beginning of a change in the way we deal with one another.”  Many black people were slaves and even after they were legally declared to be free, their owners or “masters” were still taking advantage of them.  The celebration started with the freed slaves of Galveston, Texas.  Although the Emancipation Proclamation that was issued by President Abraham Lincoln on January 1, 1863 freed the slaves in the South, it could not be enforced in many places until after the end of the Civil War in 1865.  The Civil War ended when Robert E. Lee surrendered the last major Confederate army to Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Courthouse, Virginia on April 9, 1865.  The slave owners in Texas kept working their slaves after that until Union Maj. Gen. Gordon Granger and his troops arrived at Galveston on June 19, 1865, with news that the war had ended and that the enslaved were now free.  The next year, the now-free people started celebrating Juneteenth in Galveston.  What we are taught shapes us into who we become and understanding history can have a big impact on your life, so even if you see this as a shameful part of American history, it is important that we celebrate it.

Written for FOWC with Fandango – Impact.

The Thrill is Gone

I was shocked last night when my wife told me that she wanted to start seeing other people, because our sex life was dull.  We had fallen into a routine of just doing it on Saturday nights, always in the same position and without any foreplay.  She would say, “When you are ready stick it in”, which was very accommodating of her, but there was nothing sexy about that.  She wasn’t providing me with the erotic stimuli that I needed from her, and she complained that I lost my desire for intimacy.  I thought it over and I realized that she was right, as the thrill was gone, and we were just going through the motions of trying to maintain a relationship.  I told her that since we both lost our passion for each other, that it might be a good idea for each of us to start doing some things to spice it up.  I asked her if she was thinking about getting a divorce, or if she was interested in an open marriage.  She said that she missed the thrill of dating and she wanted to explore having new lovers, so she could experiment with her sexuality.

I asked her if this was about love, romance, or was it just a sex thing.  She said it was the latter and it started when one of her friends told her that she just met a guy and had wonderful sex and that this guy only calls her or comes by when he wants sex.  She said that she needed something like that in her life and she didn’t see any harm in it.  She told me that she wasn’t interested in a relationship and that she didn’t expect any type of commitment and it would be good if she could have this same thing that her friend has without any messy emotions.  She was not interested in cuddling in bed after doing this and she didn’t want the guy to spend the night with her.  She hoped that her new life would be like a bunch of repetitive booty calls and not endless one-night stands, as she wanted something that was all about nooky and did not require a dinner or movie before they got together.  She wanted a relationship that would advance to a point where they felt comfortable being together, but one that would never develop into anything that was long-term.  She said that she has needs and that she was looking forward to some truly amazing sex.

I told her that I wasn’t going to stay married to a slut, but I would consider wife swapping, which I had fantasies about, bit I had no idea where we could find a likeminded couple.  My wife said that she was not interested in any type of group sex thing, but she did appreciate that we were discussing this openly, however she did not see any way for us to stop an impending divorce or save our marriage, but she wondered if she might be making a mistake and perhaps, she could give me another chance, because at one time we were good together.  She said that she still feels a strong connection with me and that she will always trust me.  My wife said that we could go our separate ways, but that would not be a guarantee that either of us would have a better life.  I told her that there may be things that we could try to improve our marriage and make it stronger than it ever was.  I said that we could start with a romantic getaway to reignite the spark and bring us closer.  I said that we could build more intimate moments and create closeness by asking each other what we really want, kind of like what we are doing now.  I said that if we could tell each other more about our desires, that this would help us to remain curious about each other, while we stay engaged in our conversation.

I said that when you are with a person long enough that you think you know everything about them, and this leads to couples that no longer listen or pay attention to each other.  I told her that we need to start sharing more of our feelings with each other, because that would help us to understand what’s going on inside of us.  She said that I was right and then she told me that she loved me, and she said, “When you are ready stick it in me”, which made me laugh.  Maybe my love life really isn’t so dull after all.

Written for FOWC with Fandango – Dull.

The Blue Planet

World Oceans Day is an international day that takes place annually on June 8, which happens to be today.  This special day is hosted by the United Nations, and it is all about spreading awareness and the theme for World Ocean Day 2022 is “Revitalization: Collective Action for the Ocean”.  The ocean is one of our planet’s most important natural resources, but it faces a growing number of threats.  The ocean connects, sustains, and supports us all, but its health has reached a tipping point, and this threatens ecosystems, food security, livelihoods and coastal safety.  The ocean is growing warmer and more acidic, polar ice is melting and global weather patterns are changing, and none of this is any good.  All of us must work together to protect the oceans, but the fishing industry has encumbered our efforts to keep the oceans clean.  Fish are sensitive animals and have no protections for how they are treated or slaughtered.  Plastic ocean pollution injures and kills marine life, spreads toxins and is a major health threat and dumped fishing gear is biggest plastic polluter in ocean.

Earth’s oceans are connected by a vast global conveyor belt of moving water and this network keeps our planet healthy.  Climate change is affecting the flow of our ocean currents, but the good news is that we know how to fix this.  Since colder water sinks deeper and warmer water rises up to the surface of the oceans because of density and the fact that water that has a higher salt content is also denser, we know how temperature and saltiness effect the ocean currents.  The water cycle involves the Sun heating up water until it evaporates from the surface of the earth, rises into the atmosphere, cools and condenses into rain or snow in clouds, and falls again to the surface as precipitation, which is collected in the oceans, rivers, lakes, streams.  As we heat up our world, we are melting ice and many scientists feel that if enough ice is melted this will slow down the conveyor belt of moving water, which will produce a whole list serious consequences, like disrupting weather patterns around the world, causing more severe droughts and higher sea levels.

Written for FOWC with Fandango – List, for Ragtag Community – Encumbered, and for Word of the Day Challenge Prompt – Flow.

A Variety of Problems Can Interfere

This can happen in men and women, but it seems to be more common in women.  Arousal and stimulation may not be enough to get you to reach a climax and a variety of issues could be holding you back from having an orgasm.  When it comes to sex, not every woman is able to tell their partner what they want, because they are too shy, and this could be holding them back from where they want to go.  It is difficult for many women to be open and let go even with their husbands.  These women have to learn how to express their needs and desires, or they will never be fulfilled.  Some women were taught to behave in a certain way and that society demands that they are reserved and shy, so they will have a difficult time building up their sexual confidence, as they are basically uncomfortable with any type of intimacy.  Some women have insecurities, and they don’t feel sexy, so they don’t think that they should be having sex, because they are not as visually appealing as other women in magazines, or in movies.  Some women are afraid to be more assertive in bed and they only want to make sure that their partner is pleased.  Some women have never figured out what turns them on, so they will never enjoy and saver the feelings.

Some women experience sexual guilt after being with a partner who they find out doesn’t really care about them and they were only together to do the deed.  They will obsess over why this person didn’t care about them as much as they cared for him, and these experiences leads to them developing negative emotions surrounding sex.  Their thoughts about these past sexual encounters will not bring up excitement and anticipation for possible future experiences.  These women are dealing with sexual repression, and this often triggers embarrassment or shame, and as a result they will squash their desires.  There are a lot of factors that can impede your ability to climax, and since every woman is built differently figuring out just what will work for you is the key to reaching a climax.

Written for FOWC with Fandango – Climax.

Most People Deserve a Second Chance

My nephew was a drug addict and a thief and when his parents finally threw him out, I took him in and let him live in my 2-bedroom apartment with me.  I treated him pretty good, not charging him any rent, he had his own bedroom and his own bathroom.  I had lots of cable TV channels that he could watch, and my refrigerator was always stocked up with food and beer.  I heard that he had stolen some things from his parents, but I never thought that he would take anything from me.  One day I asked him if he saw my camera and he told me that he sold it so he could get some methadone, wtf!  I paid $800 for that camera, and I hardly ever used it, except for the trip that I took to the UK.  I told his parents that I was throwing him out of my place, because I couldn’t trust him staying there anymore and that is when his father said that he would go with me to the dealer who he traded my camera to for the drugs.

My brother-in-law, my nephew and I all went to the drug dealers place, and he told us that my camera was already gone, as he sold it to someone else for $50.  My nephew got $35 worth of methadone for my $800 camera and not this slimy dealer made another $15 profit off of that.  All of my pictures from the UK were gone and I would never see my camera again.  I told my nephew that if he would have asked me for $35, that I would have just given it to him, but now he had to leave, because I didn’t want to give him a second chance.  My nephew got mad at me and told me that he was going to kick my ass, which pissed me off even more.  The last thing on earth that I wanted to do was to give this punk a beatdown, but part of me felt like he deserved it.  I did not believe that my nephew was a good person, and he certainly didn’t show that he was remorseful, so he never got a second chance with me.  If he would have given me a sincere apology, that would have been a different story, but it is hard to trust people when they are crazy out of their minds from being hooked on drugs.

Written for FOWC with Fandango – Apology and for Sadje’s Sunday Poser #83, where she asks us “Do you believe in second chances?”

Death Came for Me

He was riding a pale horse and carrying a sickle
I was walking across a road when a truck ran me over
I saw it coming right at me, as I heard the breaks screech
I could not save myself and I wondered why I crossed the road
I saw a chicken on the other side
No, not on the other side of the road
The chicken appeared to me when I crossed over to death
This chicken asked me why I was here in her dream
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again

Written for FOWC with Fandango – Death.

Just Wondering

Would it be disrespectful to dig up the tomb of the unknown soldier and perform some DNA testing to try and determine who this person is?  If we did learn about this soldier’s identity, then maybe we could locate some of their family.  If we knew more about this person, would that stimulate or incite us into taking action, galvanizing us in a common cause?  I always wondered if the pillow is buried with the casket, but I guess it is a way for the dead to rest in peace.

Written for FOWC with Fandango – Locate, for Ragtag Community – Pillow, and for Word of the Day Challenge Prompt – Galvanizing.

Real Life Friends

I have many people that I call my online friends, but I am not sure if they are actually real friends, as if something happened to me, how many of these friends would try to contact me.  It is easy to make friends on the internet and I am happy and content even though I don’t have what I would consider to be any real-life friends.  My internet friends and I are separated by a screen, but other than that, these people seem real to me.  We share things that we have in common, like our love of writing and I have confided some of my deepest secrets with them, so they are my good friends.  A lot of people have fake people in their real lives, and they will take their souls, if they let them, so at least I don’t have to deal with that.  It would be nice to have sometimes to go out to a movie with, or have dinner with sometimes, but I never seemed to be able to hit it off with anyone on any of the dating sites.  The thing about online internet friends, is that they have a way of disappearing, being here today, but possibly gone tomorrow and there is little that you can do about it.

Written for FOWC with Fandango – Internet.

Unsubstantiated Claims

Many Republicans say that it is not the facts per se that are important, as they still feel that voter fraud caused Trump to lose the last election.  The votes have been counted and recounted, but they still go along with the Big Lie that the 2020 election was stolen.  Claims that the 2020 election was fraudulent have been repeatedly disproven through exhaustive audits, recounts, reports and reviews, but a lot of people in this nation still believe the bullshit that Trump is feeding them.  Trump still hasn’t conceded that he lost and his cult like following has created a new reality, where if the lie is repeated enough times, that enough people will believe it and it will become true.  Politics are not based on rational thoughts as ignorance plays into it all the time.  Most people have much better things to do with their lives than pay attention to political issues, so they vote with their heart, instead of their head.  Trump served the political agenda of white, evangelical Christians, and the very rich in this country and he didn’t give a damn about much else.

Most presidents tried to unify the nation after getting to the White House, but Trump was always looking for a political fight, using his office to criticize his perceived adversaries, from the news media to members of his own administration, elected officials in both political parties and foreign heads of state.  He did a lot of tweeting about building a wall and draining the swamp, but the only thing he accomplished was to divide this country and make everything even more corrupt.  Trump’s overall approval rating never exceeded 50% and fell to a low of just 29% in his final weeks in office, shortly after a mob of his supporters attacked the Capitol.  Trump along with FOX News provided an alternate set of facts for people to listen to, that can be used in place of the truth, which seems intrinsically wrong, but misinformation or disinformation and calling everything Fake News, seems to work for them, per se.

Written for FOWC with Fandango – Per Se.