Holiday Season

1. Why is this month called “November”?
The Romans had 10 months with “novem” being their word for nine, but when the workers that were being paid on a monthly basis decided that they wanted more paychecks, they added January and February resulting in making the 9 into an 11.
2. Why is Thanksgiving always the fourth Thursday of November instead of just being on a particular date?
People like eating turkey on Thursdays.
3. What is No Shave November?
Men getting their faces ready for winter.
4. What is the day after Halloween called?
All Saints Day.
5. Why is turkey traditionally served at Thanksgiving?
Because all the pheasants flew away.
6. So just what is a giblet anyway?
Waste material that is put into gravy.
7. Why are Veteran’s Day, Armistice Day, and Remembrance Day all on November 11th?
That is so the banks, teachers and mailmen won’t get two more days off.
8. Why is November National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo)?
That is because people have more time and energy to waste in November.
9. Why is the day after Thanksgiving called “Black Friday”?
It got that name after Walmart gave Amazon a black eye.
10. Why is the Monday after Thanksgiving called “Cyber Monday”?
That got its name when all the cyber criminals attacked each other on Facebook.

Written for PCGuy’s Fibbing Friday.

More Or Less

1. What makes squash?
Cultivated seeds.
2. How would you describe ‘hen pecked’?
The CDC advises against kissing any poultry or snuggling with them.
3. What’s a tuffet?
That is when I struggle to get into my skinny jeans.
4. What would you do with a flump?
I would drop the bomb and get it on.
5. Why was the mate plucking pheasants?
The water was already boiling.
6. What are minis, midis, and maxis?
Skirts with the mini being named after a car, the midis coming from the south of France and the maxis are for Muslim women.
7. What would you find if you went down to the woods today?
My little horse must think it queer to stop without a farmhouse near between the woods and frozen lake on the darkest evening of the year.
8. What’s a titfer?
Feeding babies.
9. Why are fire engines red?
Catherine the Great always wore a red velvet robe and thus the Russians became associated with the color red and since fire engines had to rush to fires, they were painted red.
10. What’s green and goes round and round?
Martians at a Dead concert.

Written for Fibbing Friday hosted by Di this week.

History Lessons

1. Why was Eric the Red called Eric the Red?
He came from the red side of the family and the other side had Little Boy Blue and Bluebeard.

2. Why did Christopher Columbus sail west?
He was lured by a mermaid.

3. Who were the Vikings?
Guys from Minnesota that play with the Packers, Bears and Lions.

4. What is a scullery maid?
The one who hangs out near the butler’s pantry.

5. What is a dumb waiter?
The one that is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

6. How did British sailors earn the moniker, Limeys?
They put the lime in the coconut and mixed it all up.

7. How did U.S. troops earn the moniker, Yanks?
They started yanking everyone’s chain.

8. What is borscht?
A soup named after Boris Karloff.

9. Who were the Bolsheviks?
Trump’s ancestors.

10. What was the original purpose of the Great Wall of China?
That was constructed to keep out immigrants.

Written for Fibbing Friday hosted by PCGuy this week.

I Can’t Tell A Lie

Another Fibbing Friday Challenge from Di.
1. What is an earwig?
That is an erring with hair.
2. Do echoes get frustrated hearing themselves all the time?
Echoes are like Nipper the dog who enjoyed listening to His Late Master’s Voice on a wind-up Edison-Bell cylinder phonograph, so no they never get tired.
3. A stitch in time may save nine, but what happens if you haven’t got a needle?
Without the needle, it would be impossible for the camel to fit through the eye.
4. What is the truth about cats and dogs?
Dogs like cats but the feeling is not mutual.
5. Why do they call it a hairpin bend?
It is something that is extremely beautiful, as Venus was the first goddess to use a hairpin.
6. What is toad in the hole?
That is very similar to a gerbil in the butt.
7. What are the bear necessities?
That would be raiding picnic baskets like Yogi did.
8. What is hopscotch?
That is a boilermaker made with scotch consisting of a glass of beer with a shot of scotch whiskey.
9. Maggie may and Prudence is dear, but what is Simon?
Can I, could I and may I are about asking permission and calling anyone dear just means that they are loved by you, but you don’t have to do anything unless Simon says make it so.
10. What are skinny jeans?
Those are all the ones that don’t fit me anymore.

Written for Fibbing Friday hosted this week by Di.

It’s That Time Again

PCGuyIV the host of Thoughts & Theories has another installment of Fibbing Friday questions for all of us today.

  1. Why did the Proclaimers say they would walk a total of 1,000 miles instead of using some other form of transport?

The Scottish twins were alien enthusiasts and they wanted to storm Area 51 to meet the little green men.

  1. Why did Aloe Blacc say to wake him up when it’s all over rather than before it ends?

That is because even though he didn’t enjoy causing pain for others, there was something about hurting people that he liked.

  1. What exactly is a big bright green pleasure machine?

I am not exactly sure, but you can get it on Amazon.

  1. Where is Honalee?

This is one on the Hawaiian Islands.

  1. Why did the Monkeys say to take the last train to Clarksville instead of an earlier one?

I told her once and then I told her twice, someone will have to pay the price, but she never listens to my advice, so we broke up.  She wanted to see me again and I told her to take the last train, because I was working with Andrew Oldham who locked Mick and Keith in a room and told them not to come out until they had a song.  I had the key to the room and I had to watch them, so the last train worked best for me.

  1. Why did she leave home Wednesday morning at 5:00?

She enjoyed irritating her parents, so she ran away before they woke up.

  1. Exactly what is it that sweet dreams are made of?

Doughnuts and jelly beans.

  1. Why did the Rolling Stones want the red door painted black?

Too many prostitutes kept showing up, as they thought they could work there.

  1. What exactly was going on behind the green door?

This is where Deepthroat and Debbie both did Dallas.

  1. Why was there smoke on the water?

Willie Nelson thought marijuana could save his life, so he invented a giant bong.

Written for Fibbing Friday.

Making Stuff Up

  1. What’s at the core of a baseball?

The whole ball of wax.

  1. Why do leaves change color in autumn?

They are trying to make life more difficult for the chameleons.

  1. Why are some superstitions called ‘old wives’ tales’?

Because the young wives have more important things to do.

  1. What is Labor Day all about?

This is the day that she is having my baby.

  1. Why do schools traditionally stop classes during summer?

They don’t want the students becoming too smart.

  1. Why is US football played in autumn?

Because this is the season of the witch.

7. Why is the World Series championship awarded to the team that wins 4 out of 7 games rather than just which team wins 1 game?

This way they get to play more commercials.

8. Why is football called soccer in the US?

Because the rest of the world is wrong.

9. Why are bachelor degrees so named?

Because first comes love, then comes marriage and then they need to get a baby carriage.

10. Why are there no holidays in August?

That is when Jerry Garcia died.

Written for Fibbing Friday hosted by PCGuyIV this week.

Little White Fibs

  1. What are Porkies, Chorkies and Morkies?
    They are all pigs, but they come in different colors.

2. Why did the Wicked Witch of the West melt?
The witch refused to bathe and that is why she had green skin and when the water touched this dried up old crone she was liquidated.

3. Will Smith said ‘I’ve got to get me one of these’. What was he referring to?
I think he wanted an American Express card.

4. Why aren’t dumb blondes quiet?
The only way to get them to shut up is to offer them a penny for their thoughts.

5. Why do they call it ‘High Tea?’
High tea is taken with THC.

6. What makes a banana split?
He decided to elope with the ice cream.

7. What happened when the Princess kissed the frog for a second time?
The frog stuck his tongue down her throat and it got caught on her tonsils.

8. What goes best on rhubarb?
My best guess is root beer.

9. How is the best way to serve coffee?
Coffee is best when it is served with the Beatles song ‘Latte Be’.

10. Why are rock buns so called?
That is because rock stars like to flex their gluteus maximus muscle.

Written for Fibbing Friday hosted by Di this week.