Where Did These Questions Come From

1. What is Kapok?
   That is the largest city on planet Ork where Mork came from.

2.   Where will you find a kernel?
Go to KFC and look inside of the bucket.

3.   If you didn’t know a door as a door, what would you call it?
An entrance and exit obstacle.

4.   What’s the difference between a yolk and a yoke?
A yoke is the center portion of an egg and a yolk is when two eggs are joined together.

5.   What does E R N I E do?
He hangs around with Bert most of the time.

6.   What is meant by sunny side up?
This is the act of pushing an invalid in their wheelchair up to the sunny side of the street.

7.   What could you wear on your head that would make people think you were awesome?
A woman’s panties.

8.   What is meant by cattywampus?
The best cat wins.

9.   What is an erf?
That is a mixed-up ref.

10. What is a mouse potato?
It is a couch potato with rodents.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

American Events

1. What is the Battle of Little Big Horn better known as?
   Most people just call it the Battle of Medium Horn.

2. Who wrote the Gettysburg Address?
   Mr. Gettysburg of course.

3. Who said, “And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.”?
   I probably should have paid more attention in History class.

4. What happened at the Bay of Pigs in April of 1961?
   The first Lexington Barbecue Festival was held there.

5. What does the Cold-War acronym, SALT stand for?
   Angelina Jolie kicking some commy ass,

6. What was Abraham Lincoln’s profession before entering into politics?
   He was an inventor.

7. Why did George Washington refuse to run for a third term as President of the United States?
   That is because he was busy writing a couple’s guide to living childless called Two is Enough.

8. What are the first ten amendments to the United States Constitution better known as?
   Let’s fix our mistakes.

9. Who has the largest signature on the Declaration of Independence?
   Paul Bunyan.

10. What is the significance of Plymouth Rock?
    Without Plymouth Rock, we would never have had Boston.

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

Difficult Questions

1. Who met for the first time at The Duck and Drake Inn in London on May 20^th1604?
   Some guy who wanted to eat duck a l’orange and then listen to a rap artist performing.

2. Why was the opening of Parliament delayed from July to November the following year?
Could it be because of Covid-19?

3. Who used the name John Johnson as an alias?
Schmitty Smith.

4. Why did the Gunpowder Plot fail?
It got all wet when it was tossed overboard with the tea.

5. Who designed the iconic Guy Fawkes mask?
The guy from Phantom of the Opera.

6. Why are the cellars of the Palace of Westminster inspected before Parliament opens?
In case somebody broke into the wine supply stored down there.

7. What do Macbeth and the Gunpowder Plot have in common?
Do I look like I read Shakespeare?

8. Where will you find Guy Fawkes Island?
   You need to get a good map.

9. Who was on the throne at the time of the Gunpowder Plot?
Henry the Eight, but Anne Boleyn was really in charge.

10. How did Guy Fawkes die?
I am going to guess that the gunpowder killed him when he was tied to that cannon.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Halloween 2020

1. What is a poltergeist?
   Another name for chicken salad.

2. What supposedly happens if you look in the mirror and say, “Bloody Mary” three times?
If it is followed by knocking three times on the ceiling, then it means you want me.

3. What’s so unlucky about the number 13?
It is the day I got busted.

4. Why do banshees scream?
This is a warning that they are going to pass gas.

5. What happens to a vampire in daylight?
The same think that happens to a witch when water is thrown on them.

6. A Nightmare on Elm Street wasn’t about a monster who could kill people in their dreams. What was it about?
The trees had eyes and they recorded everything that took place on Elm Street.

7. Who did Norman Bates dress up as in the movie, Psycho?
A bass fisherman who opened up a bait and tackle shop, thus they called him Master Baits.

8. The Amityville Horror wasn’t about a haunted house. What was it about?
A girl that lost the top of her bathing suit on Jones Beach.

9. What are the three witches doing at the beginning of MacBeth?
They were trying to remove water spots from their dishes.

10. What classic monster lives under the Paris Opera House?
The hunchback of Notre Dame.

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

I Couldn’t Care Less

1. What is a pince nez?
That is a French word for someone who invents perfumes.

2. Who had the original telephone number Whitehall 1212?
Get a phone book and look it up yourself.

3. Who reportedly lived at 221B Baker Street?
Gerry Rafferty.

4. What happened in Pudding Lane in 1666?
Someone who was having their way with words and they invented Puddintane and if you ask me again I’ll tell you the same.

5. Who resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?
A guy who says that he is the least racist man in the room and his potty mouth wife.

6. What happened on the 8^th August 1963?
JFK snuck out of the White House to hook up with Marilyn Monroe.

7. Who lost their head on 16^th October 1793?
Someone that the red queen was mad at.

8. What was in operation between April 3 1860 and October 24 1861 but failed due to bankruptcy?
Sears was selling watches.

9. What is the significance of The Golden Hind?
The droid C-3PO was upgraded to understand seven million forms of communication.

10. Who was Spencer Perceval?
He was the last knight of the round table.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Easy Trivia

1. What musical group from the 1960s was known as “The Fab Four”?
Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

2. What was the “British Invasion” in the 1960s?
That was when Twiggy, the fashion icon of the Swinging Sixties came to the States.

3. What is Stephen King’s book, The Stand about?
A guy waits up in a tree to shoot deer, but he gets attacked by Jason on Halloween.

4. What was the TV show, Breaking Bad about?
This featured break dancers that had some bad ass moves.

5. Exactly who was Kilroy?

6. What musical instrument is Phil Collins best known for playing?
He played with mirrors and said, “Take a look at me now”.

7. According to Genesis 1, what happened on the seventh day?
God invented television.

8. What happened at the O.K. Corral?
The Brady bunch got together with the Osmonds for a barbecue.

9. According to Greek mythology, what was needed to cross the river Styx?
A bridge built by aliens.

10. What was the play, Inherit the Wind about?
This was about farting and the lessons learned when you did not stand downwind, as then you would inherit the smell.

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

Not Based on a Theme

1 What tax did Henry VIII introduce in 1535?

Why in the hell would anyone want to put a tax on beards?

2 Who entered a contest for his own lookalike, and came third?

Ernest Hemingway because the bell did not toll for him that year.

3 What sort of creature is a mountain chicken?

That is the Basan, which is sometimes called the “Fire Rooster”.

4 In which city is the UK’s Dyslexia Research Trust based?

Nodnol.

5 What is Scooby Doo’s full name?

It is a well-known fact that Scooby enjoyed smoking weed and that his real name is Dooby Dooby Doo.

6 What is a zeedonk?

This is the name of a dirty hit that is given by Rob Gronkowski.

7 Coprastastaphobia is the fear of what? (and no, I can’t pronounce it)

Being castrated.

8 What is an orange pippin?

This is what happened after Peregrin Took, more commonly known as Pippin, a hobbit of the Shire started using the same spray tan as Trump.

9 What is a Royal Flush?

This is the name of a toilet in Windsor Castle that is exclusively reserved for the Queen.

10 Who is currently 15^th in line to the British Throne?

Some royal asshole that sat on the Queen’s toilet.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

October Lies

1. Why is October the tenth month rather than the eighth as its name implies?

This may be hard to follow, but it is the result of octopuses having eight arms and no tentacles, while squid and cuttlefish have eight arms (or two “legs” and six “arms”) and two tentacles.

• Why is Halloween on October 31st?

This is the day when the moon turns orange.

• What exactly is “Pumpkin Spice”?

Snips and snails, and puppy dogs’ tails.

• How did the tradition of carving Jack-o’-lanterns start?

Paul Revere used them on his midnight ride.

• Why are they called “Jack-o’-lanterns”?

This happened after JFK died and she married Aristotle Onassis.

• Why is National Poetry Writing Month (NaPoWriMo) in April when National Poetry Day is October 3rd?

That is because nobody ever remembers National Poetry Day.

• What’s the big deal about Columbus Day?

Italians don’t have that many heroes.

• Why do kids trick-or-treat on Halloween?

They so this because they need to show off their costumes.

• According to at leastone Internet source, October 30th is National Candy Corn Day. Why?

This is a result of mixing the yellow 6, yellow 5, red 3 additives.

1. What happens to all the candy corn that doesn’t get eaten?

I hope you don’t expect me to eat that crap.

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

Singing the Blues

1. Why is Royal Blood considered blue?

This comes from the Blue Meanies that wanted to take over everything in the Beatles cartoon film Yellow Submarine.

2. What is a Blue Moon?

This phrase is derived from men that dropped their pants and mooned women till their faces turned blue.
3. What was the song ‘Blue is the Colour’ about?

It is about Picasso’s Blue Period.

4. What is meant by blue collar?

5. What is a blue bonnet?

It is a type of hat, much like a shower cap that a person uses to protect their hair from the overnight snags and tangles that cotton pillowcases can cause.  The blue colored bonnet was adopted as a badge of the Covenanters a 17th-century Scottish religious and political movement, so they could distinguish themselves from their Royalist opponents, who were known for wearing red cockades and ribbons.

6. What did Little Boy Blue play?

He played pin the tail on the donkey with Jack and Jill, Little Jack Horner, and Little Bo Peep.

7. What changed from brown to blue according to the song?

Whitney Houston’s eyes.

8. Where will you find a Blue Nun?

This comes from the Paul McCartney’s lyrics, “Sunday morning creeping like a nun”, and anywhere that has subzero temperatures, where a nun would be exposed to the cold temperatures for a prolonged period of time, they would turn blue.

9. Why mustn’t you step on his Blue Suede Shoes?

That is because suede isn’t the most durable leather and stepping on shoes made from suede would get them sullied, so you better step back Jack and not do it again.

10. What kind of bird has blue feet?

Everybody that isn’t a bird brain knows this is the blue-footed booby that is found on the Galapagos Islands.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Long-Nosed Liar Emoji

1. What exactly is Yorkshire pudding?

I think this is blood pudding, yuk.

2. What is treacle, and why do people make tarts out of it?

A treacle is a sheep’s testacle, and I have no idea why anyone would want to eat them.

3. What is the key ingredient of haggis?

Gizzards.

4. How is toffee made?

From tofu.

5. How did pound cake get its name?

From the weight you gain after eating it.

6. Why is candy corn so named?

People got tired of eating chicken feed.

7. What is marzipan?

Peter Pan’s cousin from Mars.

8. Why is a baker’s dozen so named?

That is because the Dirty Dozen was already taken.

9. What is meant by the idiom, “Too many cooks spoil the pot”?

The person that cleans it should be the person who rolls it.

10. What is meant by the idiom, “What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander”?

I never heard that saying, but British people are always getting things wrong.

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.