Long-Nosed Liar Emoji

1. What exactly is Yorkshire pudding?

I think this is blood pudding, yuk.

2. What is treacle, and why do people make tarts out of it?

A treacle is a sheep’s testacle, and I have no idea why anyone would want to eat them.

3. What is the key ingredient of haggis?

Gizzards.

4. How is toffee made?

From tofu.

5. How did pound cake get its name?

From the weight you gain after eating it.

6. Why is candy corn so named?

People got tired of eating chicken feed.

7. What is marzipan?

Peter Pan’s cousin from Mars.

8. Why is a baker’s dozen so named?

That is because the Dirty Dozen was already taken.

9. What is meant by the idiom, “Too many cooks spoil the pot”?

The person that cleans it should be the person who rolls it.

10. What is meant by the idiom, “What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander”?

I never heard that saying, but British people are always getting things wrong.

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

All Over the Place

1.‘She had the biggest aspidistra in the world.’ But what is an aspidistra?
It is located under your Adam’s apple.

2. What is the main ingredient in Beef Wellington?
Without the beef, all you would have is a loaf of bread.

3. Who was Tufty?
He was a South American bat with sharp incisor that were strong enough to chew through leather, so he could feed on the blood of mammals.

4. What is a Port Folio?
That is the largest port in Cuba, named after Fidel Castro’s cousin.

5. What is a bootee?
That is what I go out every night looking for.

6. What is meant by ‘You have been tangoed’?
This is a reference to your computer contracting a ransom virus.

7. What is a blue bottle?

8. How do you make shortbread?
How should I know, go ask an elf.

9. What colour is cotton candy?
That can be hana color, which was developed by Hanna-Barbera.

10. What are cowslips and snap dragons?
These are what Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary planted along with the silver bells, and cockle shells.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Teresa Left Again

1. Who was the first President of the United States?

In November 1781, John Hanson became the first President of the United States in Congress Assembled, under the Articles of Confederation.

2. What was Abraham Lincoln’s best known nickname?

The Father of Many Nations.

3. Who’s faces are carved into Mt. Rushmore?

The Marx brothers.

4. What historic event started on April 19th, 1775?

Betsey Ross knitted a pair of socks.

5. What act of infamy is Benedict Arnold best known for?

He owned the diner on Happy Days.

6. Who was Gen. Charles Cornwallis?

He invented corned beef.

7. Why do we celebrate Labor Day?

I am always looking for a reason to celebrate, so why not.

8. What is so special about the Autumnal Equinox?

That is the day that you can stand an egg on its end.

9. Why do tree leaves change color in the fall?

Everybody needs a change.

10. What do people mean when they say, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”?

That is because the Garden of Eden wasn’t all that big.

Written for PC Guy’s Fibbing Friday.

Entirely My Opinion

1. What is the difference between a gooseberry and a grape?
   You can make a pie from a gooseberry, but a grape will only make you whine.
2. What is meant by skid row?
   That is when my cat drags her ass on the floor after taking a dump.
3. Why do elephants have big ears?
   So we can make pastry.
4. What is green and travels at thousands of miles an hour?
   Aliens.
5. What is the difference between minimum and maximum?
   A medium.

6. What is a pantry?
   That is a bustle in your hedgerow.
7. What is a carnivore?
   That is what they called Zsa Zsa Gabor’s younger sister Connie.
8. What is another word for oriental?
   Nothing is ringing a bell.

9. What is the difference between pussy willow and catkins?
   One of these terms is non sexual.
10. What is a felony?
    Something related to a cat.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Collective Nouns

1. Aurora
This term is used for a group of flowers, but not the ones in a hanging garden.

2. Argument
This term is used for a gathering of lawyers.

3. Blessing
This is used for an assembly of poems.

4. Smack
This is used to describe many different types of kisses, but not those involving any tongue escapades.

5.  Embarrassment
This is used to represent test results.

6.  Prickle
This relates to a grouping of pickles when they are not confined in a jar or in a barrel.

7.  Bloat
This is used to group IBS symptoms.

8.  Coalition
This is a gathering of coal miners.

9.  Barrel
This is a grouping of keys on the piano.

10. Zeal
This is a list of what prisoners are allowed to have as their last meal before being executed.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Where the Words Are Real

1. kinetoscope

This is a primitive periscope developed by Kunta Kinte in Roots that he used to check when his master was gone.

2. lugubrious

When you cough up a phlegm wad, this is called hocking a loogie, and this term describes the biggest one, or the one that travels the furthest distance, as I can’t remember.  Anyway, it is mostly a guy thing and I probably stopped doing this when I was 8.  It might be good to check with Tom Bradey as anyone who can blow snot out of their nose like this guy must know a thing or two about hocking loogies.

3. maudlin

This is Karl Malden’s nickname and he got it because a lot of people had trouble pronouncing his name and he would correct them by saying this.

4. numismatics

This is a condition that people who listen to too many Pink Floyd songs suffer from.

5. opulence

This word was derived from people opting out because they had better sense.

6. prepubescence

This term relates to the musical Hair.

7. quixotic

This term came from a lunatic that got stuck in quick sand.

8. recumbent

This term is used for a pornographic position.

9. stereoscope

When Rene Laennec invented the first stethoscope people thought he named it this, because the sound went to both of his ears.

10. turgid

This is something that is better left in the toilet bowl.

Written for PC Guy’s Fibbing Friday.

Quotes and Random Questions

1. ‘All the world’s a stage, and men and women merely players…………..’

Iceberg Slim the American pimp

2. ‘Stay away from negative people, they have a problem for every solution.’.

Gilbert Gottfried American comedian

3. ‘I’m not overweight, I’m just nine inches too short.’

Kathy Bates actress

4. ‘A lie told often enough becomes the truth’

I am pretty sure this was Trump.

5. ‘The only reason people are nice to me is because I have more money than God’

Bill Gates

6. What is a gramophone?

This was the clamshell design cellphone that was around before the flip phone became popular.  I remember that I lost mine one day when I was walking my dog and my neighbor found it and he thought that it was a turtle.

7. Where will you find a giblet?

This would be found in an upscale bar, as it is a cocktail made of gin and lime juice, that you drink while wearing a bib, thus it is very much like a gimlet, but the bib is issued in case you want to eat some lobster.

8. What makes corn pop?

I usually put mine in a microwave, but if you have jiffy pop you can pop it on the stove.

9. What is a meme?

This is an idea that body motions, without speech constitutes art.

10. What is meant by lollygag?

This is what happens if you deep throat a lollypop.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Real Words

1. Aglet

Some history is needed to explain this term.  Students at Texas A&M are called an Aggie, but they were originally referred to as Pig Farmers.  Christopher Robin attended Texas A&M and he would bring his bear friend Winnie‑the‑Pooh and Piglet to the campus and his friends started calling Piglet an Aglet.

2. Befuzzle

This is the “fuzz” on a bee (or any fuzzy insect).

3. Crapulence

This word stems from opulence which means great wealth, but it relates to having dropped a really big turd.

4. Deluge

Homer had his word “Fudge’ which he used as a euphemism for “Fuck”, so Bart made up “Deluge” to which he would use for “Damn Fuck”.

5. Erstwhile

This is an Old English word that means the early bird did not get the worm.

6. Flatulence

This is said when your beer has run out of bubbles.

7. Gabardine

This is a type of raccoon that loves to feast on garbage.

8. Heliostat

This is a stint used to improve blood flow.

9. Ignominy

This may sound insensitive, but this word is actually used for stupid Pigmies.

10. Joculator

This is said by athletes when they plan to meet each other at another time.

Written for PC Guy’s Fibbing Friday.

Fictitious Titles and Authors

1. The Missing Tent by Seymour Skye

This is a horror story about a camping trip in Alaska where a tent is taken by a wild bear.

2. Making the Most of Bread by Roland Pickles

This is a book about how condiments can improve the quality of your sandwich.

3. Living on a Budget by M T Wallit

This is about living in a college dorm, but it is not funny like Animal House.

4. Wake me at Dawn by Misty Mawning

This is about a town being plagued by vampires.

5. Sing me a Lullaby by Muse Ickles

This book discusses ways to overcome insomnia.

6. Caught in the Act by Robin Banks

This is a documentary about a man who enjoys exposing himself.

7. The Pensioner Chronicles by Jerry Attrick

This book discusses the best ways to secure cheaper health care and medical discounts.

8. The Scapegoat’s Revenge by Carrie deCan

This is a thriller about the human desire for payback.

9. Fields of Destiny by Krystal Ball

This is a motivational book that lets you know that the sun will always shine.

10. The Long and the Short of It by Cyn Opsiss.

Cyn Opsiss is a mystic medium who reads auras and interprets the colors around people.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Back to Our Regular Format

1. Who sang the song, “Dust in the Wind”?

Dusty Springfield.

2. Finish the lyric: If you’re blue, and you don’t know where to go to, why don’t you go…

Jump in a lake.

3. Why is a two-wheel hand truck sometimes called a dolly?

Since a dolly has four wheels and two axles, I assume this is a mistake.

4. The movie, Office Space wasn’t about office workers rebelling against their terrible boss. What was it about?

This was about the Property Brothers creating an open concept look for an office.

5. What is gasoline more commonly called in the U.K.?

For some unknown reason, the Brits call this petrol.

6. What is gasoline more commonly called to in the U.S.?

Gas, as us Americans shorten everything.

7. Why did Elon Musk launch a car into space?

He has money to burn, so he launched that car at the Sun.

8. Robin Hood didn’t rob from the rich and give to the poor. What did he do?

He dated little red riding hood.

9. What was Murder on the Orient Express really about?

Everybody getting their chance at revenge.

10. What was the last song ever recorded by the Beatles?

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da

Written for PC Guy’s Fibbing Friday.