What a Wonderful Phrase

1.What is an abbozzo?
This is the guy you meet in the gym that is never wearing a shirt so he can show off by flexing his abbs.  At first, he seems like a nice enough guy that is until you start talking with him and then you realize that he is a complete bozo.

2. What does it mean to absquatulate?
This is when couples abstain from having sex during the weekdays.

3. What is a biggin?
I caught a fish the other day that was a real biggin.

4. What is a daedalist?
This is a list containing data of the celebrities that just died.

5. What is gamophobia?
This refers to a person that suffers from a compulsive gambling disorder and he wants to bet on every game.

6. What is a holm?
The two of us riding nowhere on our way back holm.

7. What is jettatura?
This is when you have an accident while you are jet skiing and you end up having you jaw wired shut, so you have to go on the atura diet which involves consuming only liquids.

8. What is a keffel?
This relates to Trump making up his own words again.

9. What is meant by labtebricole?
This is a side effect of having a lobotomy.

10. What is a lacuna?
This word comes from the Disney film The Lion King.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Food Fibs

1.Garlic is said to ward off [What] ?
Constipation

2. Man does not live by [What] alone?
Sex alone, but sometimes you have to love the one you are with.

3. Fish isn’t everyone’s favorite, because ..?
The fishing industries are ruining the oceans.

4. Eat more green and you’ll be lean and ?
You will be tickled pink on the inside.

5. Over imbibing may invoke the hair of the [what] the next day?
Frog’s backside.

6. Revenge is a dish best served ?
While watching The Wrath of Khan or Kill Bill: Volume 1.

7. Little Jack Horner stuck his thumb in a Christmas pie and pulled out?
A Mega Millions lottery ticket.

8. Raw fish is a delicacy when prepared as [What]?
Dinner for someone who is pregnant.

9. An apple a day does what?
Keeps your breath from smelling like garlic.

10. Ice cream is best on a ?
Day that has sprinkles.

Written for Melanie’s Fibbing Friday.

An Odd Duck

1. What do Donald and Daffy have in common?
They both like girls wearing Daisy Dukes.

2. Drake is to Hen as Cob is to ………………. ?
Corn

3. How many eggs can a peacock lay?
Enough to make a beautiful tail.

4. If you’re out for a duck, what’s happened?
You farted.

5. What is the collective noun for a group of ducks?
Quackers

6. What is the fastest duck (can reach speeds of up to 80mph apparently)
Any duck when it is called to dinner, but the hard part is getting them lined up in a row.

7. Why do ducks drink water through a tube in their bill?
Because they get thirsty.

8. What is the largest breed of duck?
The duck billed dinosaur.

9. Why do ducks have three eyelids?
That third eyelid is used when they swim under water.

10. Why do we say ‘like a duck out of water?’
This is when the duck soup is ready to be served.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Underlines

To sleep like a koala would be a wonderful thing

Sleep is the best when not interrupted by trips to the bathroom

Let sleeping bears lie and don’t poke them

I’m going to go for a roll in the hay

Sleep like the dead on my new mattress

Go to sleep with the farmer’s daughter, but we may not get that much sleep

Catch some sheep in my sleep

Wouldn’t lose a moment’s rest over it, as the older I get the more I want to sleep

Burn the bridge at both ends is a mixture of a metaphor and a malapropism

Sleep with one window open to increase the airflow in my room

Written for Melanie’s Fibbing Friday.

Mish Mash

1.What is liquid gold?
Patron tequila.

2. What is housemaid’s knee?
A disease that exists in domestic servants that live in London, probably because of the damp weather.

3. Why is the Eiffel Tower so named?
The guy that designed this tower lost an eye when it just fell out, so he commemorated his lost eye by naming the tower Eyefell and somehow the spelling changed to Eiffel.

4. Can elephants swim?
They seem to do fine in Tarzan movies, although Johnny Weissmuller was always a much better swimmer.  The elephant is the only mammal that is not able to jump.

5. What is a pot hole?
That is the end of my pipe where I put the marijuana into.

6. What is a woolly pulley?
That is a song by Sam The Sham & The Pharaohs.

7. What is a tap washer?
I put a tap washer on Farrah Fawcett and I tapped that all night long.

8. Why do we have warts on our fingers but corns on our toes?
I think it is supposed to be rings on your fingers and bells on your toes.

9. What is a pendulum?
This is another term for a swinger.

10. Where will you find a pupil and iris?

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Outrageous Questions

1.Who was known as The Iron Lady?
She is from Picasso’s painting called “Woman Ironing”.

2. Who was Diana Prince?
Diana Ross was secretly married to Prince.

3. Who was She Who Must Be Obeyed?
Some strong-willed, domineering woman that has her husband henpecked.

4. Who was The Virgin Queen?
Madonna.

5. Who was Dick Grayson better known as?
He was the target of the first the dick joke.

6. Who was The Forces Sweetheart?
I had her name on the tip of my tongue and then it was gone, but I know that We’ll Meet Again.

7. Who was Sir Percy Blakeney?
He is the guy that pigs in the blanket were names after.

8. Who was Shirley Crabtree?
She was the mother of Johnny Appleseed and don’t call her Shirley.

9. Who did Arthur Wellesley become known as?
He was a rich spoiled drunk played by Dudley Moore.

10. Who was The Wizard of Menlo Park?
The guy that invented the electric chair.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Slang for Buttocks

1.Cool as a?
Rock star.

2. Is that a   [ ? ]  in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
Hot dog.

3. Green as?

4. Wet your [what]  ?’
Bed.

5. Too many [ ? ] spoil what?
Too many treats spoil the dog.

6. You can put lipstick on a what, but it will still be a what?
My ass and it will still be my ass.

7. O what a tangled web we weave, when first we what?
Decide to run for political office.

8. Don’t throw the what out with the what?
The recycling with the garbage.

9. Many hands make light what?
Light bulbs.

10. It must be what, because what don’t shake like that!
Twerking because the more booty you have, the more it shakes.

Written for Melanie’s aka Sparky Fibbing Friday.

Revising Classics

  1. I’ve got you under……………………… my bum.
  2. Hi ho silver……………………………… get along little doggies.
  3. Anyone who had………………………… thought this was easy, is clearly mistaken.
  4. Me and You …………………………… and a dog named Boo.
  5. Hats off ………………………………… to you and your new lover.
  6. Everyone’s gone ……………………… to the movies.
  7. Every Man Must ……………………… know his limitations.
  8. You’ll never find another ……………… pink carnation and a pickup truck.
  9. He ain’t heavy ………………………… he is my uncle.
  1. I’ll meet you at ………………………… the OK corral.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Your Mother

1.What’s behind the 8 ball?
Affirmative, non–committal and negative answers.

2. What’s up the creek?
A lost paddle.

3. What is hanging when one says, “Hang ten”?
Bo Derek

4. What size pole is it that you wouldn’t touch someone with?
I use a 50” downhill ski pole, but some skiers go with shorter poles.

5. How do you feel when you’re on cloud nine?
Like I have just drank love potion #9.

6. What does “at sixes and sevens” mean?
This is like the Chicago song where the guy is uncertain of the correct time.

7. Do you take five?
When I am doing subtraction, I might take five away from another number.

8. Which sport is referenced when the term “four bagger” is used?
The sport of love, as when you go all the way, you have touched all four bags.

9. How many rings in the circus?
I have been told that marriage is a lot like a 3-ring circus, because first you get the engagement ring, then the wedding ring and after that it is all suffer-ring.

10. What is the loneliest number?
Zero, because it doesn’t have any one.

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday where Melanie (Sparks) is standing in.

Unfounded Silliness

1.How many years bad luck do you get if you break a mirror?
In the Who’s weird opera, the deaf, dumb and blind boy Tommy is freed from his spell when the mirror is smashed, so this brought him good luck.

2. What shouldn’t you walk under?
I read that a girl got molested when she walked under the boardwalk.

3. Why are black cats crossing your path considered unlucky?

4. Why do we ‘knock on wood’?

5. Why are horseshoes considered lucky?

6. Why do we cross our fingers for good luck?
This is done to magically alter the course of reality.

7. Why is 13 considered an unlucky number?
This is so all of your irrational fears can continue to haunt you.

8. On the other hand, why is 7 considered lucky?

9. What is signified by itchy hands?
You probably have jock itch or some type of crotch rot.

10. Why should you not put shoes on the table?
This is because table dances usually end up becoming lap dance.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.