Absolutely For the Birds

1.    COOT – This word is used to describe very old birds.

2.   DUNLIN – This is a character in The Angry Birds Movie.

3.   HOBBY – This is Big Bird’s cousin from the Muppets.

4.   KNOT – This is a type of swan that can twist their neck.

5.   RUFF – This is a bird that is trained for cockfighting.

6.   SCAUP – This is the name of the raven from Edgar Allen Poe’s poem.

7.   SERIN – This is Howard the Duck’s middle name.

8.   SMEW – This is the name of a penguin in the Happy Feet movie.

9.   SNIPE – This is the bird named Kevin in the movie Up.

10. TWITE – This is the name of Beep-Beep the Road Runner’s wife.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

I Like Music

1.Allegro – This is music that gets you kicking your legs up in the air.

2. Pianissimo – This is Italian music that goes good with deserts like spumoni, tortoni and gelato.

3. Lento – This music is made for fasting during Lent.

4. Coda – This music originated from North and South Dakota.

5. Forte – This music is played when the fort is under siege.

6. Pizzicato – This is music to enjoy while eating pizza.

7. Contralto – This is music for those that can’t swallow.

8. Dolce – This is music before Sting joined the Police.

9. Intermezzo – This is music played during intermission.

10. Largo – This is music written on Key Largo.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Pants Sliding Down

1.What is boisterous?
It is a brazzer that makes your chest stick out.

2. What is a womaniser?
This is a girl who drinks Budweiser.

3. What is a faux pas?
Since faux means fake and pas is a step made in ballet dancing, this what they did in Footloose 2011.

4. Define plumber
Someone whose pants slide down when they bend over.

5. What is a sous chef?
A chef specialized in making chop suey.

6. What is antisocial?
A person that does not practice social intercourse and when it comes to intercourse practice makes perfect.

7. Why did they call the wind Maria?
Aura was the Titan-goddess of the breeze and the fresh, cool air of early morning, but her middle name was Maria.

8. Where would you find a kettle drum?
Anywhere the Salvation Army is collecting stuff.

9. What is a kango drill?
If you don’t know, then you probably shouldn’t be using one.

10. What makes bread rise?
The Pillsbury Dough Girl.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

My Own Responses

1.Why were people given middle names?
This was done in an attempt to make more serial killers.

2. Why do we cover our mouths when we yawn?
We do this because we don’t want anyone to see our tongues.

3. Why do we say ‘Bless You’ when somebody sneezes?
That is done as a way of saying, “Stop spreading germs.”

4. Why do we wear a wedding ring on the third finger of the left hand?
This is because a very delicate nerve runs directly to your heart from this finger.

5. What was the original use of wind chimes?
They were made to chase squirrels away.

6. What were the original purpose of bridesmaids?
Bridesmaids are necessary so that everyone isn’t undressing the bride with their eyes.

7. What is the significance of the first butterfly of the year you see being white?
This means that the Caterpillar got tired of teasing Alice.

8. What does it mean if your right ear itches?
This is a fetish about wanting to have your ears tickled.

9. Why is Good Friday a good day to cut your hair?
This way you can look nice for Easter.

10. What should you give a friend who gives you a knife as a gift?
You give them a Bryan Adams song.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Some Of Them Are Terrific

1.Aurora Borealis is also known as
A stripper.

2. Who was Farouk Balsara
The head of the Taliban.

3. Chasing Cars is by which group?
The K-9s.

4. What is Detritus
He was the guy who flew too close to the Sun.

5. Eggplant is also known as
Something that helps your tomato plants from developing blossom-end rot because it adds extra calcium to the soil.

6. Who is Filbert Fox
Rupert Murdoch.

7. Gentoo is a what
That is a cleansing enema for constipation.

8. Rutabaga is also called
The cousin of the rhubarb.

9. What is IPlayer
It’s a crab apple.

40. Jambo is a greeting in which language
Cajun.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Occupations

1.What is a dentist?
This is a person with suicidal tendencies.

2. What is a paralegal?
This is a parachutist that thinks they are an eagle.

3. What is a Nanny?
This is a girl named Anne who is silly and stupid.

4. What is an auditor?
This is a person that does sound checks at concerts.

5. What is a programmer?
This is an English teacher who is always correcting everyone’s speech.

6. What is a cartographer?
This is an expert in doing cartwheels.

7. What is a musician?
This is a doctor who makes incisions in your nasal cavity to control excess mucus.

8. What is a cordwainer?
This is the person who cuts the umbilical cord.

9. What is a taxidermist?
This is a tax accountant who specializes in skin care.

10. What is a penciller?
This is a person who refuses to use a pen,

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Two Part Lies

Part 1: What were these carols about?

1.Away in a Manger
This is about getting out of the Danger Zone.

2. Hark the Herald Angels Sing.
Let’s break this down so we can understand this. Hark is used to call attention to something, herald is a word for carrying news or making an announcement indicating that something is about to happen. Supposedly, angels can hear your voices, and read your thoughts if you give them permission and they have been known to speak directly to certain people.  It is thought that Angels most likely do sing, and most of the time they are praising God.  This happened at the creation of the world, and it was prophesized to happen again at the end of time.  The angel said to the shepherds, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”  I imagine that the shepherds broke into this song after hearing the words from the angel, but nowhere does it say that the angels were singing.

3. O Little Town of Bethlehem.
Joseph took his pregnant wife Mary to Bethlehem because that was his hometown, and he was required to register there for the census. Joseph and Mary stayed there for the birth of Joseph and after a few days the angel Gabriel told Mary and Joseph to take Jesus to Egypt. Gabriel appeared in front of the three wise men and told them that they should not return to Herod for he was not to be trusted.  Then Herod sent his soldiers to slaughter all the innocent babies, it was a real blood bath.

4. Silent Night.
This is what Mary sang to baby Jesus to get him to go to sleep.

5. While Shepherds Watched
This is about some shepherds who washed their socks at night, but I have no idea what a shining throng is.

Part 2: What were these songs really about?

6. Mistletoe and Wine
Hedonism.

7. Jingle Bell Rock
It is about snowin’ and blowin’ during the snowpocalypse, which was a record snowfall event.

8. Walking in a Winter Wonderland
This is about a new bird that replaced the bluebird, when Twitter was finally shut down.

9. Santa Baby
This is about a girl who is willing to do almost anything to get presents from Santa.

10. Frosty the Snowman
This is a sad song about a snowman melting because of global warming.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Early Humans

1.What are Neandertals?
This is a select group of Republicans in the House that includes Kevin McCarthy, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Matt Gaetz.

2. Why did man settle in the Euphrates Valley?
That is where Noah’s ark landed.

3. What caused the Ice age?
I am guessing climate change.

4. What kind of water is in the Yellow River?
Muddy Waters

5. What is the world’s oldest city?
John Steinbeck founded the first city East of Eden.

6. Why did the Nile River rise every summer, overflow its banks, and flood Egypt?
This was done to appease the crocodiles hoping they would be able to outrun them.

7. Who invented soap?
The rubber ducky.

8. Why did Nimrod build the Tower of Babel?

9. Who is the Scorpion King?
A professional wrestler.

10. Why was the Great Pyramid built?
The Rolling Stones were looking for recognition.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

This Was About

1.The Great Escape
The Israelites getting out of Egypt.

2. The Glass Mountain
Where Cinderella’s slippers were made.

3. The Deer Hunter
The life of Daniel Boone.

4. Logan’s Run
When Johnny Logan stole second base, third base and home plate after he was walked.  It was a real pressure cooker, with two down, nobody on, no score, in the bottom of the ninth.  As soon as the pitcher went into his windup, he took off, this boy could really fly, look at him go!

5. Terms of Endearment
Paying alimony till all the kids graduate college.

6. Look Who’s Talking
The pot calling the kettle black.

7. For Whom the Bell Tolls
The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

8. Joan of Ark
A stowaway on Noah’s boat.

9. The Thirty Nine Steps
The point where my fitness watch stopped counting.

10. The Mouse Trap
An instructional film on how to make cheese.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Music Issues

1.Who recorded Mouldy Old Dough?
Wet, Wet, Wet recorded this on their debut album Excess Moisture.

2. What color icing was on the cake in MacArthur Park?
I don’t think that I can take it, because it took so long to bake it and I’ll never have that recipe again.

3. Who sang they were made out of Gingerbread?
My kindergarten teacher.

4. Who sang Tutti Frutti?
The 1910 Fruitgum Company.

5. Who recorded Green Onions?
The Scallions.

6. Who had a boy lollipop?
This is right on the tip of my tongue, but I just can’t recall it.

7. What is a Tangerine Dream?
This is a cannabis sativa strain with a high THC concentration.

8. Sugar Sugar or Honey Honey?
Honey won’t raise your blood sugar levels as quickly sugar will.

9. Who sang Sugar Pie Honey Bunch?
It was the same guy who sang about unicorns pooping out rainbows.

10. Do you need Hot Butter for Popcorn?
Yes, because that makes it a-maize-ing.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.