It’s Driving Me Mad

1.What was the actual name of the 1960’s rock group known as “The Fab Four”?
ABBA

2. What children’s TV show was narrated by both Ringo Starr and George Carlin?
Teach Baby To Say Bad Words.

3. What was the name of Sir Paul McCartney’s band after the Beatles?
Aileron

4. What name did The Beatles go by before they became The Beatles?
They were called Toilet Out of Service, till they got John.

5. Who was “The Forgotten Beatle”?
Old Fred the pilot the Yellow Submarine.

6. How many Beatles movies are there?
Just one, as they all Come Together.

7. In relation to the other Beatles movies, what was unique about the movie, Yellow Submarine?
When they sang that song about Yoko, She’s So Heavy.

8. What exactly is, “The Butcher Cover”?
An album cover designed by Ozzy Osborne.

9. What are the flowers mentioned in the song, “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” made of?
Marshmallow pies

10. Who is Billy Shears?
Edward Scissorhands

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

Jumping Jehoshaphat

1.What is meant by jumping bail?
This is what happens when you get all happy from drinking Baileys Irish Cream.

2. What is a skipping rope?
It is meant to be a cardio exercise, but I always end up skipping it.

3. What is a sickly hue?
It is better to be sickly hue, than sickly me.

4. What is cooking the books?
This is a requirement for filing your taxes.

5. What is a microwave?
I am not sure how to explain this item, but when two of them had an argument, it got pretty heated.

6. What is meant by passing the buck?
This is what happens when the buck forgets to stop here.

7. What are air kisses?
This is when you kiss someone while playing air guitar.

8. What is meant by shooting one’s mouth off?
This is pretty obvious, as you take a gun, aim it at your mouth and then pull the trigger.

9. What does a dentist do?
They usually go to the Black Hole of Calcutta and then commit suicide.

10. What is a ruff?
This is when your golf ball misses the fairway and doesn’t go out of bounds or in a hazard.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Happy 2022

1.Instead of counting sheep, WHAT was counted?
Past lovers.

2. If auld acquaintance be forgot, what was remembered?
I had a banana with my breakfast.

3. Time keeps WHAT away?
The future.

4. The WHAT is gone, the song is over, thought I’d something more to say.
The fat lady left the building with Elvis.

5. It was his WHAT time in the unemployment line?
Last time.

6. WHAT in time does a stitch save?
This prevents your roof from leaking.

7. Like wind on the plains and sand through the glass, we WHAT?
Pass gas.

8. If I could save time in a WHAT?
Self-cleaning litter box, life would be so much better.

9. Woke up, fell out of bed and then WHAT?
Smoked some really good shit.

10. Lying in my bed, I hear the WHAT tick and think of you?
The refrigerator ice maker goes tick every night and it makes me think about that thing you did with the ice cubes in your mouth.

Written for special guest hostess Melanie’s Fibbing Friday.

Merry Christmas Eve

1. What did the Three Wise Men bring as gifts to the babe in the stables?
A cobra snake for a necktie, a rattlesnake whip, and a human skull.

2. Band Aid had a Number One hit with the same record 3 times. What was it?
The First Cut Is The Deepest.

3. Why is Rudolph’s nose red?
Bioluminescent life forms contained in his mucus produce this effect.

4. Who was Santa’s Little Helper?
Little Saint Nick.

5. What will you find on Quality Street?
Willy Wonka.

6. What is egg nog?
Not much without the rum.

7. Who is Saint Nick?
This is the guy who sleeps with Mrs. Claus.

8. Where is Christmas Island?
Somewhere near the North Pole.

9. What does Feliz Navidad mean?
It is Greek to me.

10. What is a gobbler?
A person who swallows their food without chewing it.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Walt Disney’s Frozen Body Will Be Thawed Out Soon

1.According to a song from a Disney animated movie, who put the “glad” in “gladiator”?
Glad the Impaler.

2. What classic Disney film showcased short animated sequences set to classical music scores?
Toy Story.

3. What classic Disney live action film featured Sean Connery singing?
Never Say Never Again.

4. What In the Disney film, That Darned Cat, staring Haley Mills, did the cat’s name, D.C. stand for?
Detective Clueso.

5. Exactly who were the main characters of Disney’s In Search of the Castaways searching for?
Tom Hanks.

6. Which Disney “live action” remake technically had no live actors or animals, and was really just a CG animated film with realistic graphics?
George of the Jungle.

7. Who played the Genie in Disney’s live action remake of Aladdin?
Prince Ali Ababwa.

8. Who or what was Chip in Disney#&8217;s animated movie, Beauty and the Beast?
It was a potato chip.

9. The prince in Disney’s Sleeping Beauty was named after what real-life Royal?
Princess Stephanie of Monaco.

70. What question did the caterpillar ask Alice in Disney’s animated classic, Alice in Wonderland?
Would you like a toke?

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

Road Game

1.Windy roads DUI testing area

2. T junction with left priority Coyote dropping anvil on Roadrunner

3. Roadworks/ Men at work Bend at your knees

4. Road narrows (both sides) Wearing a larger bottom corset

5. No footpath

6. Headphones in use, might not hear approaching traffic (not sure if this is legit actually)

7. Humps in road Camel crossing

8. No explosives Bang a Gong (Get It On) T.Rex

9. Gradient Inflation

10. EU sign for pedestrian crossing. Abby Road Beatles crossing

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Science Fiction

1.What was Fahrenheit 451 about?
This is a story about somebody that lived to be 451 years old by eating yogurt.

2. In 1984, who or what was “Big Brother”?
This refers to Tom Fogerty who was 4 years older than John.

3. What do the Hunger Games supposedly commemorate?
The celebrates the establishment of the first food pantry.

4. What exactly was the Andromeda Strain?
This is what Andromeda caught from fooling around with Narcissus.

5. What was Logan’s Run about?
This is the tenth film in the XMen film series where Wolverine enters a marathon.

6. What is the difference between the red pill and the blue pill in The Matrix?
The red pill puts you to sleep and the blue pill helps you get ready for sex.

7. What is the significance of the different hats in The Adjustment Bureau?
The different hats identify whether people voted for Republicans or Democrats.

8. What happens to all the Martians at the end of The War of the Worlds?
The decided to explore Venus.

9. What vessel does Capt. Nemo pilot?
Nemo’s father Marlin gets a ride on a turtle.

10. What do Axel, Otto, and Hans find at the center of the earth?
The Snow Queen.

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

Roll With It

1.What is rolling stock
This is when you run out of soup and you have to use Rolling Rock beer to mix your meat and vegetables in.

2. What is a rolling deck
This is a term used in Las Vegas so people have a harder time counting cards.

3. What is role play
This is an erotic kinky way to spice up your mundane life.

4. What is ‘on a roll’
This term is used for butter or ketchup.

5. What does a rolling stone gather?
Groupies.

6. What is a rolling boil
Are you sure that you didn’t mean bowling ball?

7. What is a rolling pin
This is used to curl your hair.

8. What is a steam roller

9. What is a roller coaster
This is an anti-gravity device.

10. What is a roller skate

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Golfing

1.What is an Arnold Palmer?
This is a golf term for a ball that is hit in the fairway.

2, What is a niblick?
This is for people that enjoy nipple play.

3, What is a mashie?
This is when somebody dumps mashed potatoes on your golf ball.

4. What’s the difference between a hook and a slice?
I have been with a few hookers and enjoyed a slice of what they were selling.

5. What name is given to a single hole score of three under par?
This is a term that is used for a very rare bird known as the Kookaburra.

6. What’s a bogey?
I have a cat named Bogey, she was found wondering around the golf course.

7. What’s the difference between a regular golf course and an executive golf course?
An executive golf is more exclusive.

8. What unique award is given to the winner of the Masters Tournament?
A case of Rolling Rock beer.

9. Why do golf balls have dimples?
Would you like them to have pimples instead?

10. What is the 19th hole?
This is the driving range.

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

Make Shift

1,Lucky dip is self explanatory when it comes to gifts, but how did it originate?
This was derived from swimming naked as if you could talk a girl into doing that with you, then you had a food chance of getting lucky.

2. Why is seven considered a lucky number?
This was lucky for the people who didn’t make it into the first six versions of heaven, as they still had a chance.

3. Why is thirteen considered unlucky?
It became unlucky so people could say Triskaidekaphobia.

4. Why do they say elephants never forget?
Because they just follow Trump blindly no matter what he does or says.

5. How did slippers get so called?
This term came about when Jimmy Buffett stepped on a pop tart.

6. What are the doldrums?
This is what happened when Keith Moon got too high and he forgot to bring his cymbals.

7. Do igloos have central heating?
Does ice cream have bones?

8. What was a jamboree bag?
I am not sure, but I think that papa has a brand new one.

9. What were blackjacks?
This was an awful tasting chewing gum.

10. Little Boy Blue blew what exactly?
This is probably none of our business and whether it was the sheep in the meadow, or the cows in the corn, he should be allowed his privacy.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.