Boy Wizard

1.What exactly is the philosopher’s stone?
This is an extremely high THC concentration that is grown in California.

2. What is kept in the Chamber of Secrets?
The Cone of Silence.

3. Why was Harry Potter known as “The Boy Who Lived”?
He survived an overdose of magic mushrooms.

4. What was the Elder Wand made of?
It is a plastic vibrator.

5. What are the Deathly Hallows?
This is where people cross the Rio Grande River.

6. Who wrote Magical Me?
Matthew McConaughey

7. What is a Firebolt?
The first bolt action rifle.

8. What are the Nimbus 2000, and the Nimbus 2001?
These are the two species that assimilated the Borg.

9. What does polyjuice potion do?
It makes you want to have a cracker.

10. What does a portkey do?
It lets you into the shitter.

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

Truth Ignored

1.What is usually shaken and not stirred?

2. Who was Dr No?

3. What is a Thunderball?
Hephaestus made the thunderball for Zeus.

4. Who sang ‘For Your Eyes Only?’
Carley Simon

5. What does ‘M’ stand for?

6. What snack did ‘Q’ almost lose when showing off one of his latest gadgets?
His cookies

7. What was sent from Russia with Love?
Doctor Zhivago

8. What scares the living daylights out of you?
Nancy Reagan

9. What does a Moonraker do?
It rakes the sand traps which are on the moon’s golf courses

10. What is You Only Live Twice about?

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Totally Untrue

1.Finish the following idiom: “What happens in Vegas…”
…is controlled by the mob

2. What device is known as a one-arm bandit?
A shadowy figure, seen fleeing Kimble’s house after his wife was murdered

3. What is used to play Russian Roulette?
A red rubber ball.

4. What is James Bond’s favorite casino game?
Pickup Sticks

5. Who was the spokesman for Player’s Club International from the mid 1980s to the early 1990s?
Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Fuller Olsen

6. What nickname is given to a poker hand containing a pair of black aces and a pair of black eights?
A black hole

7. What does it mean to bet on “the hard way” in craps?
You should call your doctor right away when you aren’t able to poop as constipation can be awful.

8. What is special about aces in blackjack?
You get to draw another card if you get one.

9. What are clams casino?
These are clams that are served with escargot.

10. What game is played in the World Series of Poker?
Strip Poker

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

Making Stuff Up Again

1.Where will you find a pushme-pullyou?
This is when somebody lets go of the rope in a tug of war contest.

2. What is meant by the term ‘chocolate box’?
This term is used to refer to anal sex and it is also called traveling down the Hershey Highway.

3. Who lived in the house made with gingerbread, cake and pastries?
Hansel and Gretel.

4. Where will you find Mr Stay Puft?

5. Where will you find The Hallelujah Mountains?
In Leonard Cohen’s back yard.

6. What did Gru intend to steal with the Shrink Ray?
A guitar.

7. Going back a long way, what was ‘Baby’ in the 1938 film Bringing Up Baby?

8. Who played the drums in The Muppets?
Ginger Baker.

9. What magical instrument did Sparky play?
Mark Phillips also known as Sparky played the drums.

10. What did ‘Andy’ have waxed in The 40 Year Old Virgin?
His pubes.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Music Lies

1.Finish the lyric: “It’s been a hard day’s night, and I’ve been working like a __________.”
from 9 to 5, what a way to make a living

2. What nickname was given to the British group, The Beatles?
Mop Tops

3. What TV variety show did the Beatles appear on in the US?
The Smothers Brothers

4. Finish the lyric: “That deaf, dumb, and blind kid sure plays a mean ____________.”

5. What rock group was responsible for the 1969 album, Tommy?

6. In the 1975 movie adaptation of Tommy, what part did Tina Turner play?
Auntie Entity

7. Finish the lyric: “I can’t get no _____________.”
beef, where is the beef

8. What is Mick Jagger best known for?
Big lips

9. What is Keith Richards best known for?
Being able to survive a nuclear holocaust

10. What was the rise in popularity of music from the UK during the 1960’s in the US known as?
Here comes the judge

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

I Feel Lucky

1.What does it mean if you have an itchy right palm?
That means you were watching too much porn and you should try and cut back on masturbating.

2. On the other hand, what does it mean if you have an itchy left?
I only use my right hand, but I guess that you are ambidextrous.

3. Why is it considered good luck to find a horseshoe?
If your horse ran away, you know it won’t get very far without its shoe.

4. Why is saying ‘Bless you’ when someone sneezes considered to be good luck?
I just thought it was good manners.

5. Why do we say ‘Find a penny, pick it up?’
I think that when pennies lost their value, people stopped saying this.

6. Why do we ‘knock on wood?’
This is done to check for termites.

7. Why is the number 666 considered unlucky?
In the sixth-grade puberty causes mood swings accompanied by hormone changes while constipation is prevalent in the sixth month of pregnancy and since Man was created on day 6, this becomes an unlucky mixture.

8. Why do some people believe it’s unlucky to step on the cracks in the pavement?
You should avoid them so you don’t create a sinkhole.

9. Why do we cross our fingers for good luck?
Because it is much easier that trying to do that Vulcan salutation with parted fingers.

10. Why is it unlucky to open an umbrella indoors?
This is thought to break mirrors and poke the eyes out of black cats,

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

A Few of My Favorite Things

1.Stretching from the Bering Strait, to the Strait of Magellan, what does the Continental Divide actually divide?
The pillars of Hercules.

2. What was the name of Denali before 2015?
Little Italy.

3. What was Sir Edmund Hillary’s claim to fame?
He was the first person to be cloned from a sheep.

4. What happened to Mt. St. Helens in 1980?
The Grateful Dead played a free concert there.

5. What is significant about Kilauea?
It is a new website in competition with Google.

6. When was the last time Mt. Fuji erupted?
Right after Old Faithful farted.

7. What, besides Switzerland, comes between France and Italy?

8. What famous rock does Prudential Financial use as its logo?
Mount Rushmore.

9. What is arguably the most prominent feature of Yosemite National Park?
Yosemite Sam.

10. In the sci-fi classic, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, what did Roy Neary (played by Richard Dreyfus) make a sculpture of out of mashed potatoes?
The leaning tower of Pisa.

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

It Be Like That

1.What is a skiff?
This is when you play hooky and don’t go to school.

2. What is a liner?
This is something that ladies stick inside their panties to absorb discharge.

3. What is a ferry?
This is when a lady doesn’t shave her armpits.

4. What is a destroyer?

5. What is a cruiser?

6. What is a galleon?
The Galleon Resort And Marina is an excellent choice for travelers visiting Key West, offering a romantic environment alongside many helpful amenities designed to enhance your stay.

7. What is a pedlow?
This is a dangerous condition when your brake pedal sinks down low.

8. What is a kayak?
This is an online travel agency.

9. What is a schooner?
The S. S. Minnow is a schooner that will take you on a three-hour cruise.

10. What is a coracle?
This is when you are diving and coral gets stuck in your snorkel.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Leave Your Hat On

1.According to the old TV commercial, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
If there is porn on in the background and you are reasonably good at what you are doing, about 45 licks.

2. What did George the Grocer, a.k.a. Mr. Whipple ask us not to squeeze in his store?
Squeeze out a fart.

3. What song begins with the lyrics, “Livin’ on spongecake…”?
Sponge Bob Square Pants.

4. According to the song, “Do You Know the Way to San Jose”, L.A. is a great big what?
Hotbed for scoring acid.

5. What does Tony the Tiger say about Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes?
They make you barf.

6. Aside from caramel-covered popcorn and peanuts, what can be found inside a box of Cracker Jacks?

7. What does Lucky the Leprechaun say that kids are always after?
His pot of gold.

8. What toy was touted by its jingle as being “fun for a girl and a boy”?
Silly Putty.

9. According to its marketing, what product just “keeps going and going and going…”?
A Fidget Spinner.

10. Who was known as, “The Man of a Thousand Voices”?
Joe Cocker.

Written for Frank’s Fibbing Friday.

Not Easy Today

1.What is an ant farm?
This is not actually a farm; it is more like a village or a community where ants live.  It is built by carpenter ants for the sugar ants because they are so sweet, but you have to keep out the fire ants otherwise they would burn the place down and the sycophant killer ants will get in.

2. What is a flea market?
A place where you go to get the bubonic plague.

3. What was the War of the Roses about?

4. If they’d been invented at the time, what car would Robin Hood have driven?
That would be a DeLorean.

5. What are pieces of eight?
12.5 percent each.

6. Where would you find a clapper?
On the dance floor with the flappers.

7. What is a cowlette?
The back end of a cow.

8. What is chicken wire used for?
This is used when the chicken becomes a confidential informant.

9. What is a toady?
That is a character in the game frogger.

10. What is a nail file?
This is when you cheat on your taxes and you worry about the IRS catching you.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.