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1. Who sang the song, “Dust in the Wind”?

Dusty Springfield.

2. Finish the lyric: If you’re blue, and you don’t know where to go to, why don’t you go…

Jump in a lake.

3. Why is a two-wheel hand truck sometimes called a dolly?

Since a dolly has four wheels and two axles, I assume this is a mistake.

4. The movie, Office Space wasn’t about office workers rebelling against their terrible boss. What was it about?

This was about the Property Brothers creating an open concept look for an office.

5. What is gasoline more commonly called in the U.K.?

For some unknown reason, the Brits call this petrol.

6. What is gasoline more commonly called to in the U.S.?

Gas, as us Americans shorten everything.

7. Why did Elon Musk launch a car into space?

He has money to burn, so he launched that car at the Sun.

8. Robin Hood didn’t rob from the rich and give to the poor. What did he do?

He dated little red riding hood.

9. What was Murder on the Orient Express really about?

Everybody getting their chance at revenge.

10. What was the last song ever recorded by the Beatles?

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da

Written for PC Guy’s Fibbing Friday.

What Was That Book About?

1. War and Peace
This was about Ulysses fighting in the Trojan War and then trying to make his way home before his wife leaves him for somebody else.

2. The Green Mile
This is the newest Ghost Busters story where the slime makes really long skid marks.

3. Dances with Wolves
This was the sequel to Sings with Chickens.

4. Jaws
This was the only James Bond movie where the villain won.

5. The Wind in the Willows
This is about a girl who dreams of being on Broadway and has to borrow money from her uncle for acting lessons.

6. The Deserter
This was written by a French pastry chef who is skilled in making all types of desserts, breads and other baked goods. It has a whole chapter on doughnuts that is a must read.

7. One Shot
This was written about the home run that Bobby Thompson hit for NY Giants ion October 3, 1951 to win the pennant.

8. It
This is the newest book about The Addams Family.

9. Independence Day
This was written about the day that my divorce papers were finalized.

10. The Count of Monte Cristo
This is the best book about sandwiches that was ever written.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Iconic Lines

1. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

W. C. Fields in My Little Chickadee

2. I’d buy that for a dollar!

Clint Eastwood in A Fistful of Dollars

3. Somebody blows their nose, and you want to keep it?

Jack Benny in the Horn That Blows at Midnight

4. Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

Richard Boone in Have Gun Will Travel

5. You’re gonna need a bigger boat.

Spencer Tracy in The Old Man and the Sea

6. What we have here is a failure to communicate!

Dean Vernon Wormer in Animal House

7. Do you think that’s air you’re breathing, now?

The Nutty Professor at the Klump Family Dinner

8. The sleeper has awakened!

Woody Allen in Sleeper

9. Good Morning! And in case I don’t see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!

Robin Williams in Good Morning, Vietnam

10. Haha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is “Never get involved in a land war in Asia,” but only slightly less well known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line!”

Marlon Brando in The Godfather

Written for PC Guy’s Fibbing Friday.

Up For It

1.  I’ll be back.
Hilary Swank said this when she was playing Amelia Earhart in the film Amelia.

2.  I have a mind for business and a bod for sin.
Melanie Griffith said this in Working Girl.

3.  Life is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you’re gonna get.
Gene Wilder said this when he was playing Willy Wonka.

4.  I was a better man with you as a woman than I ever was with a woman as a man.
I am pretty sure that this comes from Brokeback Mountain.

5.  I have got to get me one of these!
Harold Ramis said this in Ghostbusters.

6.  The cold never bothered me anyway.
Rock Hudson said this in Ice Station Zebra.

7.  You cannot handle the truth!
Robert Redford playing Bob Woodward said this in All the President’s Men.

8.  Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.
Dean Martin said that in the film Bells Are Ringing.

9.  I never did mind the little things.
Jack Black said this in the movie Gulliver’s Travels.

10. Where do the noses go?
This is what Pinocchio asked Geppetto.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Springing Into Action

1. Why is Spring so named?
Leaping lizards, how should I know?

2. What are “Spring Greens”?
That is what happens when you hit your golf ball near the pin and it takes a little hop.

3. What’s a Spring Roll?
That is a move done on the diving board where you jump in the air and grab your legs, put your left foot in and shake it all about.

4. What makes June 6th so important?
That was my dentist appointment.

5. What happens on June 20th of this year?
It is about time that I get my hair cut.

6. What happens on June 21st of this year?
I should get my toenails trimmed.

7. Why is Father’s Day always on a Sunday?
That is so dads can take a day off from going to church.

8. What was the book, Silent Spring about?
A mute kangaroo.

9. What does a balance spring do?
That is contained in Hooke’s law, which states that the displacement or size of the deformation is directly proportional to the deforming force or load, thus keeping everything in balance.

10. What makes spring water special?
You have to pay more money for it.

Written for PC Guy’s Fibbing Friday.

Here We Go

1. What is the difference between Biweekly and a Fortnight?
I don’t care, as long as I get my paycheck.

2. How much oil would your lantern need to last a fortnight?
This really depends on how good your eyesight is.

3. If you spent a fortnight in Paris, what would you see?
Eiffel Tower, Louvre Museum, Notre Dame Cathedral, Arc de Triomphe, but no trip would be complete without spending time in the sewers.

4. What’s the difference between a microchip and a micro chip?
One relates to a computer and the other is a very small snack.

5. What’s brown, shiny and sizzles?
Her booty.

6. How is the best way to make lemonade?
Squeeze that lemon.

7. How many types of coke are there?
Coke makes so many different beverages that if you drank one per day, it would take you over 9 years to try them all.

8. Why was a sundae glass so named?
This is because the people wanted something different on Sundays.

9. What is hellsapoppin?
That happened right after the panties started a dropping.

10.What did the Knights of the Round Table do during the day?
They spent all their time looking for the Holy Grail.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Find Out What it is All About

1. What was Paul Revere famous for?
He made stuff from silver.

2. Why is midnight known as “the witching hour”?
This is because only harlots and witches were out on the streets at this time and nobody wanted to admit to being a harlot.

3. What supposedly happens, according to legend, at midnight between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day?
Time to open the presents.

4. Why did Patsy Cline go “Walking After Midnight”?
That is the best time to hear the night winds whisper.

5. Why is midnight represented as 00:00 rather than 24:00 in military (24-hour) notation?
That is so you are ready for the next second to be 00:01.

6. Why is noon so named?
Time is crazy and originally before we had clocks, the day started at 6AM. Noon comes from a Latin word that means nine and the ninth hour was actually three o’clock in the afternoon. I hope that this cleared everything up for you.

7. In westerns, what traditionally happens at high noon?
This is when all the artists gather in the streets to draw, except the trapeze artists.

8. What exactly is the difference between “noon” and “high noon”?
Noon only lasts for a second, unless you are high and then time is spaced out more.

9. What’s so special about “the noonday sun”?
Time for lunch.

10. What can you supposedly do at noon on the spring equinox that you supposedly can’t do any other time of year?
Stand on your head for 5 minutes.

Written for PC Guy’s Fibbing Friday.

Barnyard Animals

1. How big was the one that got away?
She was really a big one with a big booty to match.

2. What comes after a storm?
I usually spend my time chasing rainbows and unicorns.

3. Why do fish swim?
They have to swim to stay in school with the other fish.

4. What colour is grass?
A lot of grass is green, but I smoked some black Packy that knocked my socks off.

5. What’s over the hill?
That is where Jack and Jill dropped the bucket of water and then they kicked it old school.

6. What is the colour of money?
Blue money Do-do-you-do, n’-do-do-you-do

7. What do goats, pigs and roosters have in common?
They are all banned from entering establishments, unless they are wearing masks.

8. Who lives in the woods?
Dryads.

9. What does an ill wind bring?
Foul smells.

10. What is a windfall?
This is usually associated with a sudden influx of money and although money can’t buy you love. it can put you in a good position to bargain for some romance.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.

Food For Thought

1. Why do we serve grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup?
It is the same reason that we give breast milk to infants.

2. What do baseball, hot dogs, and apple pie all have in common?
A baseball is a sphere which is a round object in 3-dimensional space, hot dogs are cylindrical, so they are circular and a pie is round object in a plane, so they are all somewhat circular or round looking.

3. Why do we roast marshmallows over a campfire?
The George Forman grill just won’t cut it.

4. Why can’t you have your cake and eat it, too?
Because it was left out in the rain and the recipe is lost forever.

5. Why do we eat popcorn when we watch movies?
In case the movie makes you cry, you can just say that you got choked up from the popcorn.

6. Why are frozen meals called TV dinners?
That goes along with the proverbial saying of “You are what you eat” and hippies back in the day wanted to be cool, so they started eating frozen meals which were easy to prepare and then consume them in front of the TV.

7. Why are deviled eggs so named?
The devil made me do it.

8. How did the dish, toad in the hole get it’s name?
That is because Miss Piggy didn’t want to eat Kermit.

9. What does the military abbreviation, M.R.E. stand for?
Meals Rejected by Everyone.

10. Why is chipped beef gravy over toast called S.O.S.?
This cheap easy meal is favored by Salamanders Over Snakes.

Written for PC Guy’s Fibbing Friday.

Wasting My Time

1. What do you call a group of four ducks?
Quackers!

2. What is a farrago?
The way Jackie Gleason walked when he said, “And away we go.”

3. What is a basilisk?
I am not sure, but if you don’t tell me, I may go ballistic.

4. Where will you find the axilla?
You need to look in your rectum to find it.

5. Why do they call it ‘Charm School’?
Because the students come out magically delicious.

6. Who were Sooty and Sweep?
Sooty is the guy who tossed the ball to the tight end named Sweep, and the linemen all rapidly pull out from their normal positions to lead the blocking around the end to prevent defenders from squeezing the inside to stop the run up the middle.

7. What makes Bumble Bees fly?
They are high on honey.

8. What is Empty Nest Syndrome?
It is time to celebrate.

9. What is a Beefeater?
A non-vegan.

10. What breed of animal is a Bactrian?
That is a camel that is carrying one too many straws.

Written for Di’s Fibbing Friday.