I Have Been Lucky

I chipped a tooth and I got stitches, but I never broke any bones or lost any body parts, except one wisdom tooth.  I read that you don’t need your tonsils, gallbladder or appendix, but I still have all of these parts.  I did spend some time in the hospital when I was suffering from diverticulitis, which occurs when small, bulging pouches (diverticula) develop in your digestive tract.  When one or more of these pouches become inflamed or infected, the condition is called diverticulitis.  I used to get a half dozen rolls at the bakery every weekend, 2 plain, 2 sesame and 2 poppy rolls.  I used them for sandwiches, and they were also good with just butter, as long as you had some coffee to wash them down.  One day I was doubled over in abdominal pain and my wife said, “Jim you need to go to the hospital.”  She drove me there and they took me inside.  I had to change into a hospital gown and then they sent me to Imagining.  Some genius told me that the scans revealed that I had Diverticulitis, so I asked, “What the hell is that?”  They said that I had probably eaten something that did not digest properly in my intestines and then they asked me if I had eaten any seeds.  Who knew that seeds could be harmful?  I try my best to avoid them now.

They put me in a room in the Gastrointestinal ward and gave me fluids from an IV drip.  The room was divided with a curtain that was closed, but I could hear that someone was in the next bed, as he never stopped moaning.  I was in excruciating pain, but the way this guy was hollering I began to feel bad for him.  Three candy stripers came in the room, and they walked past me to the other guy, and I heard one say, “Mr. Jones we will help you to the bathroom.”  Not long after, one of the candy stripers went running out of the room coughing and choking and then I smelt it wafting around me.  I grabbed my drip pole, and I made it out to the hallway where I was able to breathe again.  About a half hour later, my wife saw me standing out in the hallway and she asked me what I was doing there, and I told her that the other patient in my room had colon cancer and that it smelled like dead rats in there.  I checked myself out and my advice for you is to never allow yourself to be checked into the Gastrointestinal ward.

I did make another trip to the hospital for an umbilical hernia surgery.  An umbilical hernia occurs when part of your intestine bulges through the opening in your abdominal muscles near your bellybutton (navel).  Umbilical hernias are common and typically harmless.  Factors that can contribute to developing an umbilical hernia include being overweight or obese, which I was and straining while you are lifting or moving heavy objects, which I did.  I helped my wife’s nephew move all these heavy logs for his firewood and I am pretty sure that is what caused it.  I woke up one day and saw this bulge sticking out of my stomach, so I made an appointment to see my doctor.  She took one look and knew exactly what it was and she asked me if it was causing me any pain and I told her no, but asked her how I could get rid of it.  She said that I would need surgery to get rid of the bulge that was sticking out and she recommended a specialist to me.

I met with the surgeon, and he said that it was a fairly quick and simple operation, that would take him about 20 to 30 minutes and that I would probably go home on the same day.  I was put under a general anesthetic, so I was unconscious during the procedure.  The surgeon made a small cut just below my belly button and he pushed the fatty lump back into my tummy.  He placed a mesh patch in my abdominal wall to strengthen the area before he sewed me back up.  After the surgery, I had bad stomach pain for several days, but the unsightly lump was gone.

Written for Fandango’s Provocative Question #199 which asks, “Have you ever fractured a bone (or bones) that was serious enough to require inpatient hospitalization and a post-operative stay in a rehab facility?  What bone(s) did you break?  How long did it take in rehab (inpatient or at home) before you were back to “normal”?  And did you actually achieve the same level of functionality you had prior to the fracture(s)?”