The best vacation that I ever took was going down to the Jersey shore. My wife and I stayed at the Colony Motel for the last week of Summer in 1987. The motel had very clean rooms which were modest, having a coffee maker, a microwave and a mini fridge. The beds were comfortable, and they had a refreshing salt water pool. The main reason we stayed there was that it was only a 4-minute walk from there to Seaside Heights Boardwalk and they gave both of us free beach passes. It doesn’t look like the greatest place from the outside, but we both liked the boardwalk which was really close, but it was located far enough away from the rides and excitement where we were not bothered by the noise late at night. A typical day for us was spent gathering our supplies, towels, beach blankets, beach bag, sun screen, sunglasses, radio and cooler packed with snacks and drinks and haul it down to the beach. We tried to get there early so we could pick a nice spot. My wife was fussy and I always let her pick out the place where we would settle into. I learned that it is better not to argue with a woman, because if something goes wrong, then I can tell her that this was her choice.
My wife liked to lay out and catch the rays and I like to splash around in the water. Body surfing was my thing and I enjoyed diving into the waves and riding them into the shore. It is pretty simple, as you pick the right wave and then just before it arrives, you dive forward, keeping your arms straight out in front of you, so you can ride the wave for as long as possible. I never had one of those bodyboards, but I did learn how the ocean works and I understood the dynamics of the wave and it felt great being one with the feel the ebb and flow of the ocean. Sometimes you catch a great ride and other times your body gets twisted around as you get dumped by a wave. The worst thing that can happen is when the wave pulls your trunks down and that happened many times to me. When you feel your bathing suit coming off, you have to grab it with both of your hands, so it doesn’t get away from you. If it slides down a bit and exposes you, that will be embarrassing for you, but it could end up being very entertaining for the people around you. The last thing you want is your bathing suit getting away, as that would be totally humiliating to have to frolic around naked in public wondering where the hell your suit is.
When I had enough fun body surfing, I would go back to where my wife was tanning herself and try to talk her into coming into the water with me and sometimes, she world join me and other days she didn’t want to get wet or mess up her hair. I had a snack and a drink and listened to music on the radio while checking out all the girls in their bikinis like every other red-blooded man does. I had no delusions of having a long-term future with any of these young girls on the beach, but I love to look at attractive females and when you are too old to look, then you are too old to live. I am not a pervert, or a dirty old man and I always tried not to let my eyes linger too long on their breasts, or their backsides, because I didn’t want my wife questioning me if I wanted the young girl instead of her, or if I thought she was more beautiful than my wife. I was married to my wife, and I knew that I was going home with her, but let’s face it, all men look at women and that should not be a cause for jealousy. Hey, I also looked at the kids making sandcastles, as that is just what you do at the beach.
By noon we packed up, left the beach and went bac to the motel to get out of our swimsuits and take showers to get the sand off of us. Then we would hit the boardwalk for lunch. I always got one of those ice cold freshly squeezed lemonades and then I would get my favorite sandwich. One thing about living in NJ, is that they have the best bread, probably because their water comes from the Catskill Mountains, and this gives the bread that perfect fluff. Bakers in NJ know how to bake their bread and you just can’t get decent bread anywhere else. I would head over to Midway Steak House, which isn’t a fancy place, but they make the best sausage sandwich on the boardwalk. I liked them because they didn’t cook their peppers and onions together, so I could get mine with grilled peppers and tomato sauce, which was perfect for me. They don’t have a seating area, so my wife would hold the drinks and grab a bench for us to enjoy our sandwiches there.
The Seaside Heights Boardwalk is the best one in all of Jersey and there are always plenty of fun things to do there. We were not interested in the rides, but we always enjoyed browsing around and often we would go to the arcade where we both liked to play ski ball. After that we would head to a bar where I would have a few beers and my wife would enjoy some frozen drinks. The funny thing about all the vacations that I went on with my wife, was that some type of disaster always happened to her, which always made for interesting stories. One night I told her that I would make her a white Russian, which she never tasted, so I went out and bought a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Kahlua and then I had to get some cream for the topping. I went into this bodega and bought this heavy whipping cream, and I never checked the expiration date on it. I have a cast iron stomach, so I could probably eat something that was contaminated with botulism, ptomaine and salmonella and I wouldn’t even notice it, so I mixed the drinks, and I started enjoying mine. My wife said it had a funny taste, so she looked at the date on the heavy whipping cream and discovered that it expired 6 months ago, and it had curdled. She got sick and spent the rest of the night puking and I had to drink black Russians without the cream, as I threw that away. I guess everything seemed like more fun when I was young and that is why this was my best vacation ever.
Written for Fandango’s Provocative Question #184 which asks, “What was the best vacation you ever took and why?”
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