I Love God

I was very active on my church till I met an atheist named Cynthia who I called Cindy, and she explained that I was part of a cult.  I was in an organized religion that had a mass following with stated beliefs and not part of any fringe group and I wasn’t required to practice any rituals.  Cindy said that my religion taught me to have blind faith and to never question authority, because the church always knew what was best for me and I didn’t see anything wrong with that.  Cindy went on to say that cults want to completely overtake your social life to ensure you are only around other members and this isolation occurs so they can inundate you with their ideology.  Cindy then mentioned that besides her that I didn’t have any friends that weren’t in my church and that is how they keep their tight grip on me by motivating me with fear and guilt and shame.  Cindy also said that I could leave my church, but not without being ostracized by them.

My church organized a retreat to Hawaii, and they asked me if I would be a mentor for a bunch of younger students that had signed up to go, where I would be given a free flight, but I had to pay for everything else.  It sounded like a fun trip, so I agreed to be a helper with the two other members that organized this trip.  On Sunday morning the church leaders got everyone into a prayer circle, where individuals were asked to share any of their current struggles.  The leader zeroed in on this young woman and told her that her and her boyfriend to stop having sex.  This made me feel uncomfortable and I felt bad for the young girl being singled out by the church for interrogation.  I began to think that Cindy was right that I was being controlled by fear and guilt and shame, which was the same thing that cults do to control their members.  I stood up and told the church leader that he had no business prying into this girl’s private life.  I realized that I was being brainwashed by my church and that they were grooming me for a leadership role.  The leader called me a sinner and said that I was not doing God’s will by trying to interfere with the young girl’s education.  I told him that I no longer wanted to be a part of this cult anymore and the excommunicated me.  I found Cindy when I returned, and we lived happily together for many years till I died.  Cindy knew that I still believed in God, just not the same God that my church believed in, so when I died, she buried me on a grassy mountain with a crucifix to mark my grave.

Written for Melissa’s Flash Fiction Challenge #269.