The Jungle

Never ending story of The Jungle started by Teresa Grabs….
Sweat dripped from the tip of Matthew’s nose as he paused under a kapok tree, scanning the thick jungle floor for ants. He didn’t want to go through that experience again.
“Come along, Mr. Howard,” the guide called, waving his arms. “Camp is just a few more kilometers.”
Matthew sighed and wiped his face with his sleeve. Go find yourself, they said. Travel the world, they said. You’ll have a great time, they said. He groaned as a howler monkey sounded in the distance setting off a cacophony. Sudden movement by his foot startled him. “What in the devil is that?”
Crawling out from under a large fern, a small creature with long brown and white fur paused and looked up at Matthew.
“Hey, Carlos!” He waited for a response. “Carlos! Guide! Hey!” No response. The jungle that engulfed him had suddenly become very quiet. Nothing stirred except his imagination and growing concern that he was now lost in the rain forest, surely to be eaten by a stray jaguar or wayward tiger. “This isn’t a movie, man.” He chuckled and glanced back toward the ground where the creature was only to gasp when he saw …

Sadje continued
when he saw that it had grown quite a bit in that short time. It was looking inquiringly at him. It’s large anime type eyes giving him the feeling as if it was understanding what was going through Mathew’s mind at that moment. Mathew started to feel as if he was in a dream world. It cannot happen in real life, he thought. This is a jungle, not a Hollywood movie set. Just then the creature started blinking its eyes in a rapid, Morse code-like manner while pointing towards a clearing in the vegetation. “What the hell!” He thought and started following the creature. The guide was nowhere to be seen anyway.
In a while, they reached a circular clearing in the jungle, over-hung with thick rope-like tree vines. The creature gestured with its eyes and limbs for Mathew to climb up the tree, using one of the vines. When he reached the thick branches, he found a platform had been built there and more of the creatures roaming about there.
Tentatively he landed on the platform testing its strength. It felt solid enough to bear his weight. Mathew was not sure that he was in a dream or reality and made another crazy decision.
Using gestures and simple words he asked his new guide what was happening and where he was. To his intense astonishment……..

Melanie’s bit
….astonishment the being spoke in crisp English tones. “You are in a place. A place of sights and sounds…” the being recited the entire opening spiel to “Twilight Zone” (the retro TV version with Rod Serling). Matthew stared and wondered about the efficacy of that sketchy burrito he’d had for lunch. It was all the economy fare airline offered and he had been hungry, but really? What had they laced that thing with? A little LSD? The striped creature’s eyes boggled. It shook its head, a little sadly. He could almost hear it thinking “What a sad thing man is. No trust. No imagination..” Maybe this WAS the ‘Twilight Zone’. Except with humidity. And a lot of lush plant life.
Matthew started for the vine ladder to exit this surreal castle in the sky. The brown and white furry creature with the googly eyes moved swiftly in front of him and the rest of the herd (?) surrounded him in a tightly knit circle. They all shook their heads in a NO! gesture. Synchronized. Matthew almost expected them to leap into an intricate ballet and Esther Williams to appear, water dancing her way …………….
Matthew shook his head vigorously, causing a small ripple of dismay in the creatures and a widening of the tight circle that surrounded him. “Okay then, I’ll stay!” he exclaimed, “But you have to tell me WHAT YOU WANT! Can you take me to your leader at least?!” The beasts/creatures all pointed at the first googly eye that Matthew had encountered. It smiled, which was creepy, given it had a snout instead of a mouth exactly… There was a loud CRASH and all the heads turned (in synchronized motion obviously)…Matthew leapt up and turned around rapidly to see…

This is where Di picked up the story………….
a huge hand snaking into the tree top from above where he and his new companions were situated.
The creatures bolted leaving him alone to face the music. Those searching fingertips were getting dangerously close.
Matthew had no weapons and did the only thing he could think of when the hand closed around him.
He opened his mouth as wide as he could and brought his teeth down hard.
The bellow was like nothing he had ever heard in his life as he was immediately released. He slid awkwardly down the vine to the relative safety of the jungle floor and out of reach, even if it was only likely to be temporary.
He had an audience as he tried to catch his breath and slow his rampant heartbeat. The creatures stood in awe and started to bow at their saviour, chanting something which he hoped was his name in their native language.
Matthew was both embarrassed and pleased at his new status, but knew there was more to this scenario than met the eye. His jaw hurt and he could taste blood, but wasn’t sure if he’d jarred a tooth loose or it was that of the hand he’d bitten. Either way his head started to spin and he felt himself falling.
The creatures gathered around him and before he knew it, he was lifted up on hundreds of shoulders like some kind of Gulliver and carried further into the jungle where…………………

Now it became my turn…..
the googly eyed creatures placed Matthew on a fire ant mound and told him that if he could spend the night there that they would follow him forever. Matthew said, “I am not looking for any stinking followers and how the hell did I get talked into visiting the jungle. I feel like John McClane when he went out to the coast to have a good time and he ran into Hans Gruber. I feel like Indiana Jones when he was thrown into that pit with all the snakes and I told Carlos that I hate ants and fire ants are the worst.” Just then Carlos the guide showed up with bug spray and said, “You are a very good sport Mr. Howard, thanks for going along with this and if you have to blame anybody, your brother told me to do this.”
Matthew said, “That dirty rat bastard, I should have known he was pranking me back for what I had done to him in Tahiti last year with those men I paid to dress up like cannibals. I am not done with him yet and revenge is a dish best served cold, so I will get back at him no matter how long it takes and he will regret ever messing with me. Carlos, did you bring any ointment with you for the fire ant bites?” Carlos said, “Yes but while it will help with your itching, it also contains fermions that attract wild monkeys.” Matthew said, “Just give it to me” and then…..

I will see if Paula Light wants to continue the story from here.

What Do You See

“I have a vivid imagination and my most interesting thoughts come to me in my sleep, which is much better than having that neurological condition called aphantasia, where the people who sufferer with this literally have no imagination.”  Jim Adams

“The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a green thing that stands in the way. Some see nature all ridicule and deformity… and some scarce see nature at all. But to the eyes of the man of imagination, nature is imagination itself.”  William Blake

Punam tagged me for Rory’s 3.2.1 Quote Me! ~ Imagination.

Not Much Of A Mystery

Di at pensitivy101 was gifted the Mystery Blogger award by the bloke Rory we all know and love.  She decided to pass it on to me and this is one award that I have never won before, so it is a great honor and I want to thank Di which I will do by being a good sport and answering her questions, which also looks like a lot of fun.  Di asks:

  • If you were a member of the opposite sex for a week, what would you find the most difficult?
  • Have you ever eaten an oyster?
  • Have you had a conversation with an imaginary person/friend and then discover someone had eavesdropped?
  • When shopping, do you squeeze a loaf of bread to test for freshness?
  • What is your favourite dessert?

In order to look half decent as a woman, I would have to get rid of my body hair as I have very hair arms and legs.  Luckily I don’t have a pronounced Adam’s apple, so I could swing that, but I would need to get a wig for my head and I would probably need some makeup.  I might need a girdle to tuck in my belly.  Since this is only going to last a week, there is no need for me to get implants, but I guess I would need some fake boobs to stuff into a bra and then all the guys would be hitting on me, which is the part that I would find the most difficult.

I have never eaten an oyster, although I have eaten clams, fried calamari, conch chowder and turtle soup.  I have heard that eating oysters puts you in the mood, so I guess I would try them if I was given the right incentive.

Nope, although I did have an imaginary friend when I was young who I named Ghosty.  I used to love playing Monopoly, I just couldn’t get enough of it.  When my sister and my brother got tired of playing this game with me, that is when I created Ghosty.  He was invisible to everyone but me.  I was not very nice to Ghosty, as I would cheat him because I enjoyed winning.  I got him to sell me his properties at a low value, so I could always beat him.

I have never squeezed a loaf of bread and I have also never squeezed the Charmin.

I love all kinds of desert and the only three that I have never tried that I would like to someday are Baked Alaska, Cherry Jubilee and Spotted Dick.  I love all types of pies and pastery, so it is hard for me to pick just one.

Fancy A Fib

I never participated in a Fibbing Friday before, but I have a few minutes, so why not.  Di at pensitivity101 asks:

  1. Why do we say we blow raspberries?
    2. Why did Peter Piper pick peppers?
    3. Why DID the chicken cross the road?
    4. The mouse ran up the clock, but what for?
    5. How many steps are there in a staircase?
    6. Why did the Owl and the Pussycat go to sea?
    7. The house in the forest Hansel and Gretel found wasn’t made of candy. What was it made of?
    8. How do you cheat and get away with it?
    9. What will you do with fifty shades of grey?
    10. What’s green with trotters?

My answers:

  1. I know that I am supposed to make up a fib, bet we say blow raspberries because that is how they are given.  This is also known as a Bronx cheer and you stick your tongue between your lips and try to make a vibrating sound by flapping your lips.  This works real well on a child’s belly and it always gets them to laugh.  As Humphrey Bogart once said, “You know how to whistle, don’t you?  You just put your lips together and blow”.
  2. Peter Piper picked peppers, because he got tired of picking his nose.
  3. The chicken crossed the road because Isaac Newton said that chickens at rest usually stay at rest and chickens in motion tend to cross roads and this also may have been a way to prove the Intermediate Value Theorem.
  4. The mouse that ran up the clock was one of the three blind mice, so this was his only method of telling time.
  5. Typically a case of beer contains 24 bottles or cans, so why should a case of stairs be any different.
  6. The Owl and the Pussycat were besties and the owl really wanted to go, as most pussycats are afraid of water, but the owl assured his friend that he would keep his eyes peeled for any trouble.
  7. Hansel and Gretel found a house made of metal and there was a lot of heavy metal music playing inside.
  8. If you keep your mouth shut, then you can cheat and get away with it, but what is the fun in that.
  9. If I had 50 shade of grey, I would place them in the White Room, because it is too bright.
  10. WTF are trotters?  Ok I will make something up, since things become green with envy, dating Envy’s sister Trotters will make her turn green also.

The Moon Has Craters

Galileo did not invent the telescope, but after the Dutch spectacle maker Hans Lippershey applied (and was turned down) for a patent on his spyglass in autumn of 1608, Galileo became interested in this contraption.  Galileo constructed a 9X telescope by August 1609 and then around the first of December, Galileo completed his creation of a 20X telescope that allowed him to see the Moon and other celestial bodies like nobody ever had done before.  In March of 1610, he published more than seventy drawings of his Moon observations that showed the Moon had a rough surface covered with mountains and craters.  This was in direct opposition to the Church’s doctrine (and Aristotelian philosophy), which insisted that the Moon, as a heavenly body, was perfectly smooth and spherical.

Galileo said, “In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual.”

Li selected me to submit a quote from somebody whose surname starts with the letter G, so I went with Galileo.

Rory took the letter A

Unlike a drop of water which loses its identity when it joins the ocean, 
man does not lose his being in the society in which he lives. 
Man’s life is independent. 
He is born not for the development of the society alone, but for the development of his self too.”

Bhimrao Ramji Ambedkar

Paula took B

“The paradox of education is precisely this – that as one begins to become conscious one begins to examine the society in which he is being educated.” ~ James Baldwin

King Ben’s Grandma took C

“To me, the progress of society consists in nothing more than in bringing out the individual, in giving him a consciousness of his own being, and in quickening him to strengthen and elevate his own mind.”

WILLIAM E. CHANNING, Thoughts

Beckie  took D

“Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe.”

~ Frederick Douglass

Sadje took E

A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
― Albert Einstein

Li took F

“It’s a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless Automat of characters.”— Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

I hope that Punam paeansunpluggedblog songs unheard by the poet next door will take over with the next letter being H for this quote game that was started by Rory.

We Are Flatlanders

On this day April 19, 2019 Melanie B Cee has put on her pointed cap again, but I am not calling her a dunce or a witch, although if I see her flying around on a broom, then I will change my tune, hey that rhymes.  Some of my former teachers made me sit in the corner as a punishment, but I was never compelled to wear a dunce cap.  Most of my punishments consisted of me having to write 100 times on the blackboard, “I shall not chew gum in class”.  Stupid petty punishment as it never even helped me to improve my handwriting skills.  Actually these questions have nothing to do with Melanie, they are from Teresa Grabs (aka The Haunted Wordsmith) and her Fibbing Friday post and I thought I would give them a whirl.

  1. Those aren’t chemtrails or clouds…what are they?
  2. Obviously the Earth isn’t round, but it isn’t flat either…what shape is it?
  3. Salmonella doesn’t come from chicken…what does it come from?
  4. Aliens were found in Roswell, but they weren’t taken to Area 51…where were they taken?
  5. Trump was ordained, but by who?
  6. Mars does hold life, but they aren’t martians…what are they?
  7. The internet is spying on you, but who/what is behind it?
  8. We don’t create TV shows…what are TV shows really?
  9. Social media really does erode personalities, but what is the purpose of doing that?
  10. IKEA really is a trap…what is the mystery that keeps people there?

My answers:

  1. Those trails left behind from a jet airplane streaking across the sky always mesmerized me as a child, but I have moved on to studying entrails as there is so much more that we can learn from them. I have become a haruspex trained to practice a form of divination that involves the inspection of the sacrificed animal entrails in order to read omens for the future.
  2. Our Earth is a three dimensional sphere, but from space this truly global picture of the third dimension is not seen and Earthlings become Flatlanders. Human beings, living in a three-dimensional world, can easily recognize two dimensional objects like triangles, squares and other polygons of our Flatland, which are only lines. When Earth is viewed from the fourth or a higher dimension it is possible to catch glimpses of the true nature of three-dimensional objects and to see their relationships to one another. The mathematical journey into the fourth dimension starts with a point, a zero-dimensional object having no length, breadth, or height. A point stretches into a line, which in turn sweeps out a square, which then balloons into a cube, or if you started with a circle this becomes a sphere. Once a line forms, at each succeeding stage, the figure expands in a new direction at right angles to those directions already defined. I hope that I cleared this up for everyone.
  3. It does not take the wisdom of Solomon, or the wizards Saruman and Sauron for everyone to know that salmonella comes from salmon.
  4. The aliens that were captured at Roswell were ground up and made into crop circles.
  5. I am pretty sure that Trump was ordained by either some dumb Republican, or a stripper, or by Vladimir Putin.
  6. At one time Mars did have Martins, but like the aliens at Roswell they were also ground up and mixed with gin, vermouth and olives.
  7. Internet spying is the result of malicious Keystroke logging software that Russian hackers have installed on your computer to keep an eye on what you are writing about. They also take control of your cam in hope that they can catch you watching porn.
  8. TV shows are the dreams that Mr. Ed had after he rubbed Jeanie’s lamp.
  9. Social media exists to make everyone agree with the nonsense spouted out on Twitter by that orange dude.
  10. People get trapped inside of IKEA, because it is built like a maze and there is a lot of smelly cheese there.

Written for Fibbing Friday.