A Bird Pooped on My Car

You dirty bird with a brain the size of a pea, I will not mither about this, as the rain will probably wash it off.  You may have some brilliant colors and you can sing and fly and lay eggs, but that pooping has to stop.  I realize that birds serve a useful purpose, by eating up many pesky insects and you may even eat some snakes that slither on the ground.  When a sower sows seeds, some fall on the edge of a path and birds can eat that.  Some will fall on rocky ground so roots can’t grow, the plant may flower, but it will wither.  Birds are known to be meek and sometimes they will dither and maybe that prevents two of them from being killed with the same stone.

I hope you know that people are doing their best to protect birds and in 2007 the Bald Eagle was removed from the list of endangered species.  We are taking action to reduce bird deaths, by making windows more visible to prevent the precious birds from crashing into them.  We must get to the bottom of this to prevent any more species from becoming extinct and ascribe to doing the right thing for all the birds.  Birds are losing their habitats because man keeps on developing new housing, and we must break out of this bubble.  Natural disasters, and climate change are also not helping the bird population and this is enough to make me scream.

I just purchased a new spotting scope which should help me see the birds that are far away.  I plan to visit the Green Mountain Scenic Overlook and Trailhead at Lake Apopka where I can scour the park to find different birds.  There is a three-story tower that I will climb to get a better look.  I am a bit afraid of heights, so I will take a rope with me to make me feel more secure, as I don’t want to cower and scare the birds away.  I read that birds are actually much smarter than they are given credit for, as some birds that are able to talk are moving ahead with the new technology by activating Alexa and fooling Siri.

Written for Sheryl’s Daily Word Prompt – Ascribe, for Roger Shipp’s Daily Addictions prompt – Right, for the Daily Spur prompt – Brilliant, for FOWC with Fandango – Ahead, for Ragtag Community – Scream, for Di’s Three Things Challenge prompt words – Precious Bottom Meek, for Word of the Day Challenge Prompt – Bubble and for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Bonus Wordle Rhymes, hosted by Yves where the prompts are Mither Dither Wither Slither Scope Rope Hope Cower Tower Flower Scour Far.

Official Debriefing

A debriefing has nothing to do with removing your pants, it is a report of a mission or project that concerns the information that was obtained in order to access the results of the operation.  It is a structured process and it had become routine for me.  I was never one to jubilate over this process, but I understood that it was necessary, as there is always that subtle knowledge that could only be obtained through this type of interrogation.  I just got back into town yesterday and since today is a Sunday, I was going to watch some football, something I was not able to do overseas.  My debriefing was set for Monday morning at 8 AM in the Sanctuary, a place inside of headquarters, sort of like the Cone Of Silence that Maxwell Smart used for all of his secret conversations.

I saw the silver lining in the cumulus clouds, as my Giants came back from an 18 point deficit against the Buccaneers and held on to a one point lead to get their first win of the season and that put a glimmer in my eye and a giggle in my heart.  I had been stationed in the Ukraine for the last five years and I knew that the Senate Intelligence Committee wanted information on the whistleblower, but I didn’t know anything, however that would not stop them from questioning me.  I hung out with Hunter Biden, but I didn’t know anything about his business dealings, or if he was able to squirrel away any cash.

I met Hunter in a night club and we bumped into each other, as this guy told us to make way so he could sweep up the broken glass after somebody smashed an ash tray.  He seemed like a swell guy and I did not think that he had any tricks up his sleeve.  There was no harmony left in Washington, as it had become a dog eat dog world and every Senator wanted to show off his bark, but that was no skin off of my back.  They turned up the heat on me and I was beginning to bake under all these questions, but since I didn’t know anything, I was not able to provide them with any useful information.

Written for Sheryl’s Daily Word Prompt – Jubilate, for Roger Shipp’s Daily Addictions prompt – Bake, for the Daily Spur prompt – Town, for FOWC with Fandango – Cash, for Ragtag Community – Subtle, for Di’s Three Things Challenge prompt words – Stop Sunday Squirrel, for Word of the Day Challenge Prompt – Knowledge and for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Wordle #151, hosted by Yves where the prompts are Broken Glass Ash Glimmer Swell Sleeve Sanctuary Bark Giggle Skin Cumulus Clouds Harmony Sweep.

Desire To Be Outdoors

Nature had always been a big part of his life, ever since he read the book Walden by the American transcendentalist Henry David Thoreau.  Rick was not able to elide his thoughts about camping out in some green fields and picking some fall fruit, while spending his aurora nights in the land of the midnight sun.  He was fervid about the upcoming trip and he was not about to let anything spoil his decision to go, no matter what the overtones would be made by his younger brother.  This time he had to bring Jack along, who just became a teenager, and he knew that Jack would try to banalize the significance of communing with nature.

Youthful Jack was a sweet boy, as long as he was home playing his computer games, but he was not built for the rough outdoors.  Shakespeare said, “The earth has music for those who listen” and Rick enjoyed the listening every time he was able to make it back to nature.  Rick was a real outdoorsman who enjoyed fishing, climbing, hiking and his passion drove him to rise before the sun and catch his own breakfast.  Rick had eaten many different types of prey and he was not one to flinch if he saw a cougar or a snake coming after him.  Rick might remain motionless, or he could wave his arms around if he saw a giant bear.

Jack was not a fussy eater, as long as he had some zucchini as a side dish, he would basically eat anything.  Rick woke his younger brother up and told him they were having rabbit for breakfast.  Jack sighed and said, “How could you kill that poor defenseless animal?”, and Rick responded by telling Jack that the rabbit accidently committed suicide.  He said that when the rabbit saw him, it went into reverse and ended up falling off a granite cliff trying to get away from him.  Jack told his brother that he knew he made up that royal lie just to make him feel better.

Written for Sheryl’s Daily Word Prompt – Giant, for Roger Shipp’s Daily Addictions prompt – Camping, for the Daily Spur prompt – Royal, for FOWC with Fandango – Reverse, for Melodye Shore September show-and-tell – Fall Fruit, for September Monthly Writing Prompts – Aurora nights, for Ragtag Community – Fervid, for Paula’s Three Things Challenge prompt words – Granite Zucchini Lie, for Word of the Day Challenge Prompt – Youthful and for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Wordle #149, hosted by Yves where the prompts are Elide Green Spoil Decision Banalize Rough Flinch Overtones Back Sweet Motionless Prey.

Such Is Life

As funny as it may sound, I just started practicing omphaloskepsis and I found that staring at my navel for a prolonged period of time allows me to slip into a hypnotic state. Since today is a holiday and I don’t have all that much to do, and I am uncertain if the hurricane is going to get here or not, I figure that I will indulge in some navel contemplation today.  When I was young, everybody made fun of my bellybutton, as I have an outie and 90% of the population has an innie.  It is a unique trait and it does not embarrass me, as not everyone sees my outie all the time, because I wear shirts when I am outdoors, except when I go swimming.  One good thing about having an outie is that I don’t get a lot of lint caught inside of my bellybutton.

Another thing that the kids made fun of me for was my flat feet, as my footprints after coming out of the swimming pool looked different from everyone else’s, because I don’t have an arch and this made them laugh.  This flat feet condition only bothers me when I need to buy new shoes, as I have to find the ones with low or no arches, or if they do have an arch, it must be like a cushion.  I read that about 30 percent of people have a flat foot, but I wasn’t able to find any statistics on people with two flat feet, which I have.  Overall this is not so bad, as I would rather have flat feet than some type of mold or fungus growing on my feet.

I have some scars that are still on my back after 60 years, as I fell through a glass shower stall and ended up getting 28 stitches in my back.  I also got 8 stitches in my head after I crashed into a car while riding a bicycle.  I was a bit clumsy when I was younger and getting injured became a trend for me.  When I was 14, I was playing baseball with the neighborhood kids and I got hit in the chest with a line drive, because I wasn’t able to get my glove up in time before the ball came. I don’t have any pain, but my right nipple is slightly enlarged after getting hit with the baseball.  I never told anyone about this, because I thought that it would return to normal size, but it never did.  I guess I am lucky to be a guy as most people are not interested I looking at male nipples and my right one is only slightly bigger and most likely most people don’t notice it all that much.  I really don’t look all that great when I am undressed, with my outie, my enlarged nipple and my flat feet, but such is life and I don’t plan on entering any beauty contests.  Basically, I am not the best looking guy on the beach.

Overall my childhood was great, but it could also be described as being bittersweet, because it was mostly pleasant, but it did include moments of suffering, regret and disdain, although nothing that bad happened, that it couldn’t be fixed with a hug. My dad was the best, as he always played with his children as soon as he got home from work and he showed me how to make a paper airplane.  I was always given plenty of food to eat and my parents also made sure to keep my sister and I away from lead paint.  Right now the automatic ice maker is on the fritz, which is annoying.  The ice cubes will still freeze and fall into the dispenser, but they are not distributed when I press the button.  This requires me to remove the drawer on a daily basis and fill up a container with them, as when you live in Florida, you need ice.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Wordle #148, hosted by Yves where the prompts are Disdain, Eat, Lead, Cushion, Sister, Hug, Mold, Omphaloskepsis, Bittersweet, Trend, Freeze and Paper Airplane.

We Shall Be Released

Susan and Marie were chained to the bed frame as they looked out of the window watching the Sun shining and Susan said, “Any day now, someone will come and save us and then our horrible parents will be sent to jail for how they have been treating us.”  Marie replied, “ You have been telling me the same thing for thirteen years now and I don’t think it is ever likely to happen.  We will never be able to outlast this torture and even though my brain is still fuzzy, I can see how much damage it has done to our siblings.”  Susan said, “We really got the bottom of the barrel when it comes to parents, as I don’t think that many other kids are held captive, starved and abused the way we are on a daily basis”, as she continued to stare out of the window.  The two girls were able to share these serene moments together indulging in their fantasy of being free one day, and making their way to the escarpment above the Donnybrook river, till the alarm woke up their parents and then they would dread the rest of the day.

They did try to escape one day and they successfully slipped out of their shackles, but they couldn’t get the front door open and the commotion that they made woke their mother up from her nap, which made them fail in their attempt and they just get more punishment.  They both had an interest in dancing and this helped them to connect with each other, as they each wanted to be a ballerina some day.  When their mom came in to unlock their chains, they knew that they had to go to the kitchen and prepare ham and eggs for their parents breakfast.  They would get spaghetti, like every other day and they had to follow the hierarchy, so they could only eat after their siblings had finished.

Today was Sunday, so the whole family was going to church and Susan and Marie were required to help their mother get dressed and they would be careful not to have another one of those nail polish nightmares, like when they spilled a few tiny drops on the floor and they were beaten for over a month for doing that.  Susan knew how to grit her teeth and walk the walk which helped her to endure any harsh punishment that was dealt to her.  She realized that her siblings had to watch her being punished, so she remained brave being overt which led her to become an effective advocate for them to look up to. Susan understood her place, but she kept a knife inside the cuff of her top in case she had to use it.  Sometimes you never know what is going to happen, so she also created a spice potion, that she could fling into the eyes of her abusers and if she ever saw the right slot to escape again, as she was more than ready to wheel out of there.

Written for Sheryl’s Daily Word Prompt – Outlast, for Roger Shipp’s Daily Addictions prompt – Spaghetti, for the Daily Spur prompt – Damage, for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #27, for FOWC with Fandango – Advocate, for August Monthly Writing Prompts – Nail polish nightmares, for Nova’s Daily Random Word prompt – Overt, for Ragtag Community – Serene, for Sara’s Closet Full Of Notebooks Prompt – Fuzzy, for Paula’s Three Things Challenge prompt words – Ham Ballerina Interest, for Word of the Day Challenge Prompt – Hierarchy and for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Wordle 147 – Connect Dread Frame Just Alarm Spice Place Potion Stare Commotion Fail Fantasy cuff, sometimes, grit, fling slot, effective, walk, tiny, watch, Donnybrook, escarpment, wheel.

King Of The Road

Data said, “She is coming in for a landing and she is so much cooler than Kitt form Night Rider.”  Number Five said, “Yea I want to test drive that baby, she is one real tripped out machine.”  C4QR said, “If I had one of them, I would be the king of the road and I would be able to get any girl or maybe even a half a dozen to sit under the poplar tree with me.  I could put in my tunes and pump up the volume and have my drinks shaken and not stirred, because that is how I have been hardwired.”  C4QR received a brusque response from Data who said, “Your rigorous efforts to find your special someone will always leave you feeling downtrodden, because you are not putting yourself out there, you can’t just search for women on the internet, otherwise you will end up being single forever.  You will never find that truly amazing relationship, until you wake up and stop being so obstinate.”

Number Five said, “You should try to stop being so inconspicuous, or else no girl will ever notice you and it would be a good idea to put that xylophone away, as nobody wants to hear that.  You are too skinny and that makes the girls think that you are dying from starvation, or emaciated.  That spittle you have running from your mouth and that lisp of yours are enough to turn any girl off and make them traipse away.  The way you dress with that knit sweater that is so out of style will keep any girl from wanting to cuddle with you.”  C4QR said, “Thanks for that sprig of knowledge, but why don’t you tell me how you really feel?”  Number Five said, “Honestly I wish you were a mirage, so I didn’t have to be embarrassed by you.”

Written for Sheryl’s Daily Word Prompt – Obstinate, for Roger Shipp’s Daily Addictions prompt – Up, for the Daily Spur prompt – Road, for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #26, for FOWC with Fandango – Inconspicuous, for August Monthly Writing Prompts – Half a dozen, for Nova’s Daily Random Word prompt – Sprig, for Ragtag Community – Wake, for Paula’s Three Things Challenge prompt words – Xylophone Mirage Lisp, for Word of the Day Challenge Prompt – Knit and for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Wordle #146, hosted by Yves where the prompts are Poplar Tree Brusque Traipse Rigorous Shaken Pump Downtrodden Starvation Cuddle Spittle Hardwired Forever.

Road To Hell

We are not in Kansas anymore and we won’t be going to Disneyland.  This bewitching road is taking us straight to hell.  I have been to the mountain and I have crossed a lot of lines in the sand, but Dante gave me an ultimatum and there is zero wiggle room on this.  Sure it will be fusty and when we get back, we will both need to shower or at least wash up, because we will certainly be smelling like a fireplace.  Dante is holding a grudge against Beelzebub for only showing him the nine circles of hell and not all ten of them and although some people believe that this is cynicism at its finest, others say it is pure hogwash.

In the tenth circle we are likely to find burning souls, immersed in human excrement, trapped in icy waters and gurgling to catch their breath.  We may also encounter nomadic people with their heads fully absorbed in the derrières of others.  Those individuals will have swollen bottoms due to the immense size of the heads that were immersed in them and there is no hope for separation.  Surveillance is always diligent, as sinners must suffer eternally for the wrong that they committed in life.  It gives me chills to think how anyone could endure this kind of punishment.  In school, I received a butt wedge many times, but this is unthinkable and we may even see someone contorted in such an unfeasible way as to have their own head inserted into their very own posterior.

That Beelzebub is a chip off the old block and he loves to enforce punishment.  He has no heart and he does not care about anyone, much less a feral creature needing help.  We can’t trust him as he is a real snake and after he shows us the horrific spectacles of the tenth circle, we should hightail it out of there, before he makes an upcoming plan for us.

Written for Roger Shipp’s Daily Addictions prompt – Mountain, for Mathew’s Daily Inkling prompt – Lines in the sand, for the Daily Spur prompt – Shower, for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #25, for FOWC with Fandango – Bewitching, for August Monthly Writing Prompts – Cynicism at its finest, for Nova’s Daily Random Word prompt – Nomadic, for Ragtag Community – Fusty, for Paula’s Three Things Challenge prompt words – Disneyland Fireplace Zero, for Word of the Day Challenge Prompt – Chip and for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Wordle #145, hosted by Yves where the prompts are Separation Wiggle Wash Surveillance Grudge Feral Chills Wedge Gurgling Upcoming Hogwash Enforce.