On the Road Again

Jake stuck his thumb out on the side of the road waiting for something to emerge from the tunnel up ahead.  He had no particular place to go and he seemed to be in his own private Idaho wearing his hood up, oblivious to the abandoned wrecked cars that were on both sides of the road.  How he didn’t notice that bright light coming from the flying saucer directly overhead, just shows what a spaceman he truly was.  The aliens on the ship called down to him, “Go into the light Jake, we have a surprise for you.”  Jake was perplexed, not about the alien ship, but about how they knew his name.  He said to the aliens, “I heard about you guys and your fondness for proctology instruments and I don’t want any part of that, as mine is an exit only.”

The aliens beamed Jake aboard their ship and told him that no harm would come to him and that he was selected, because they felt he was not living up to his full potential.  They told Jake that he could be so much more that a vagabond that wonders around from place to place and that they could take him to see things that he never even dreamed of.  The only thing was that he would have to agree to be their pet for the rest of his life and then they would take care of his every need.  Jake said, “So you are telling me that you can get me all the dope and girls that I want.”  The aliens shook their heads and said, “No problem and you can have all that and so much more.  If you want a treat to eat, we will get you what ever you desire, but first you must go through some training to learn how to beg properly, as we find humans who can do that to be so cute.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Tale Weaver #257 hosted by Michael – Pets – January 9th and for Teresa Grabs Daily Writing Prompt #8 where she asks us to write about aliens.

Pegasus

I sat on the kerb with Herb, or if you are from the US, you might call it the curb, but me being from Brooklyn I spell it as curb, but pronounce it as kerb.  We watched as the lot across the street started burning and we were appalled that someone had started this fire in our neighborhood.  When the police came, Herb started singing, “We didn’t start the fire, it was always burning since the world’s been turning.”  It did not take much of an impulse to trigger Herb into putting on a performance, as he was always willing to take the leap and accommodate a crowd of people, ever since he was the lead Munchkin in a play about the wizard of Oz.

The trees in the lot were bare of leaves and it had been a very dry Summer, so this lot was ripe for a fire.  When it wasn’t so dry, we would see green, orange, puce, and yellow hues, the colors most often associated with earth and nature in this lot, but now all we saw was a brightly lit pall of white smoke showing through the trees and like all boys do, we tried to discern the pattern it was making.  The fume had a strong smell and I am sure that it was dangerous to inhale, but we were lucky as it was not blowing in our direction.  I told Herb that I could see shadow monsters in the smoke as it looked like the head of a dragon leading the smoke up, up and away.  Herb said it looked more like Pegasus because the smoke was pure white.  I started to get hungry, so I said to Herb, “We should go to Pegasus Pizza, because they flat out have the best crust.”

Written for Sheryl’s Daily Word Prompt – Impulse, for Roger Shipp’s Daily Addictions prompt – Play, for the Daily Spur prompt – Performance, for FOWC with Fandango – Accommodate, for Christine’s Daily Writing Prompt – The wizard of Oz, for December Writing Prompts – Shadow monsters, for Ragtag Community – Puce, for Di’s Three Things Challenge prompt words – Crust Kerb Flat, for Sue Vincent’s Thursday photo prompt – Fume where the photo shows a line of leaf-bare trees outlined against a pall of white smoke, brightly lit from within that appears to take the shape of the head of a mythical beast, for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Tale Weaver #256 hosted by Michael – Trigger and for Word of the Day Challenge Prompt – Leap.

It is What it is

Everybody would like to think that they know what’s going on around them, what remains in their past and what the future might bring, but along the way life happens.  Circumstances exist which become facts of life and we must tolerate things the way they turn out, or at least learn to dealt with them as best we can.  Life is meant to teach us lessons and we must accept what we can’t change.  Try to learn from your mistakes and remember that life will not always hand you everything that you desire.

I lost my car when I spent a weekend in the woods.  My good friend Gary and I decided to go camping in Stokes State forest, which has a breathtaking and panoramic view from Sunrise Mountain along the Appalachian Trail, but we did not go there for the view, we went to party.  We packed our sleeping bags, brought a hibachi grill, got a cooler loaded with cold beer and rib eye steaks.  I drove up route 206 in my car, but I was not as much of an outdoor enthusiast as Gary was, and this was his idea of having fun, but he was always fun to be around, so I knew we would have a good time.

We smoked some joints at the campsite and sat around listening to music and drinking beer.  Three girls heard our music and they came by to say hello and our weekend was looking up.  Betty was a brunette and her younger sister Patty was a blonde and their cousin Debbie was a redhead.  We sat around the camp fire talking and drinking beer with them, shared our steaks and when it got dark, they said that they needed to go back to their campsite to check in with their parents.  I suggested that we drive them back, so we would know where they were and then we could visit them tomorrow.

There was no moon out that night and it got pitch dark out there in the woods and we got lost.  Gary was a hunter and used to being in the wilderness, so he suggested that we turn off the music so we could concentrate on finding our way, as the girls said they were camped along the river.  With the music off we could hear the sound of rushing water getting louder, so we knew that we were heading in the right direction.  We saw a campfire and the girls were happy that we got them back to where they needed to be.  Each one gave us a kiss good night.

We headed back to our camp, but again we got lost in the woods because it was so dark and maybe we drank too many beers, or smoked too much pot.  At some point along the way, my car went off the trail and we were riding through the trees, scraping into tree branches, running over bushes and bouncing off of tree trunks.  My car was taking a real beating, but we kept going as we were determined to find our way back to are camp.  We got stuck up against a tree and I told Gary to get out and push, so I could shake my car loose.  Gary told me to put it in reverse to back off of the tree and that worked.  Gary got back in and shortly after he screamed, “Stop”, which I did.  I asked what he was yelling about and then I saw that I had almost driven off of a cliff and I was glad for his warning.

We finally made it back to our camp site and called it a night.  The next day I saw all these dents and scratches in my car and we laughed about it.  We never saw the girls again and when we ran out of beer, we packed up and went back home and that is my fun weekend spent in the woods, as it is what it is.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Tale Weaver #255 hosted by Michael – Weekend story.

Gimmicks

The advertisement says, “With Kohl’s Cash, it’s like getting paid to shop!  Earn $10 Kohl’s Cash for every $50 spent.”  Kohl’s is always running a sale, because they want shoppers to buy things and the more shoppers they get, the more profit they make and this is how Capitalism works, as this economic system is dominated by self-expanding wealth.  My point is that if you have to spend your own money, then it is not the same thing as getting paid and if you took a course in Economics it is easy to know that there is a difference between spending and earning.  This branch of social science focuses on the production, distribution, and consumption of goods and services.

I went to Kohl’s last night to buy myself a pair of slippers and I had planned on using my Kohl’s Cash to pay for the slippers, but when I went to the check out, I was told that my Kohl’s cash had already expired.  It took me a month of waiting time after a $250 purchase that I made to get my $50 Kohl’s Cash, but I did not know that this Kohl’s Cash would expire a month later.  It can only be used after the redemption period has opened up and before the redemption period closes, so you can only use it in a narrow window.  Apparently, they only want to reward those repeat customers who will shop there all the time, so I had to pay $16 for my slippers, which was not that bad of a deal, as they were on sale.  I enjoy shopping at Kohl’s, because it is close to where I live and the store is always very clean.  It can look messy at times with people knocking stuff off the shelves and leaving it there, but their floors are always sparkling clean.

Anyway, I got outside last night and I got to see all the Christmas lights around the neighborhood on display, and some were really beautiful.  It brought back memories of when I went with my nephew and his family to see the Christmas Light Show in Clemons, NC called the Tanglewood Park Festival of Lights, which has more than a million twinkling lights located around a golf course that you drive through over four miles of country road.  Some of the interactive displays play festive music that you can enjoy.  This is the largest holiday light display in the entire Southeast and it is a great way to spend time with your family over the Christmas holiday season.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Tale Weaver #254 hosted by Michael – Christmas story.

Now What

Jack climbed up the beanstalk to reach the magic castle and the giant greeted him and asked Jack if he wanted to invest in bitcoins.  Jack told the friendly giant that he had no idea what bitcoins were, or where he would even put them.  The giant told Jack that he would not need a wallet or a purse to store his bitcoins in, as they are digital and that all he would get is a long string of 34 letters and numbers and these 34 characters would consist of random digits made out of uppercase and lowercase letters, however the uppercase letter “O”, uppercase letter “I”, lowercase letter “l”, and the number “0” were never used to prevent visual ambiguity.  Jack said that he always had problems discerning uppercase letter “O” with the number “0” and that he could see the uppercase letter “I” being mistaken for lowercase letter “l”, but he had no idea what he could do with these bitcoins.

The giant told Jack that would be up to him as here in the magic castle their only concern was validating all the transactions.  The giant said that they make chains of data that validate the bitcoin that you decide to send to somebody, and that they ensure that it hasn’t already been sent to someone else.  The bitcoin address is the key, as it keeps a record of all of your transactions, and therefore it knows your balance.  The whole world can see this sequence of 34 characters; thus, it is known as your “public key”, but the good news is that you also get another corresponding “private key” that consists of another string of 64 letters and numbers.  The two keys are related, but there’s no way that anyone can figure out your private key from just having your public key.  If you decide to use your bitcoins you will need to get bitcoin software on your computer or smartphone and have internet access so that you’re your bitcoin address can be “signed” with your private key.  The program will spit out a digital signature, for us to use so we can validate your transaction.  The giant said that this pretty simple method was the way of the future.

Jack acknowledged that he was able to follow what the giant was telling him, but he told the giant that he still had no idea what he could use the bitcoins for.  The giant told Jack that he would be getting to that, but first they needed to discuss the hash function.  Jack told the giant that he was no novice at smoking hash and that he just did a bowl of some black opiated Pakistani before he climbed up the beanstalk to get to the magic castle.  The giant said that is great, but the hash that he wanted to discuss produces a “hash function”, which is a complex math equation that reduces any amount of text or data to 64-character string.  This particular data will confirm that your transaction has not been tampered with as each block of data, includes a hash that links back to the previous block and this is what makes the Bitcoin virtually tamper-proof.

The giant told Jack that the bitcoin is a cryptocurrency and that it only exists online and that he could use it to buy or sell items from people and companies that accept bitcoin as payment.  The giant said that for each bitcoin transaction, a computer owned by a bitcoin “miner” must solve a difficult mathematical problem.  The miner then receives a fraction of a bitcoin as a reward.  The system functions around the clock and it doesn’t care where or to whom you send the money.  Jack told the giant that he was not interested in bitcoins and all this information was making him sleepy and then he asked the giant if he wanted to sell that goose which he saw outside of the magic castle.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Tale Weaver #253 hosted by Michael – magic castle fairy tale.

I Am Going There

Henry David Thoreau said, “I once had a sparrow alight upon my shoulder for a moment, while I was hoeing in a village garden, and I felt that I was more distinguished by that circumstance that I should have been by any epaulet I could have worn.”  Hoeing in this sentence is the present participle of hoe, the act of digging, weeding, etc. with a hoe.  There is a different kind of hoe, like those girls that have tattoos all over their body, face piercings and other body piercings, just so they can be noticed or maybe a better word is slut.  When a woman goes out with a gang of guys and sleeps with all types of random guys, not caring if they are married or not, this is known as jodhoeing.

Once you are a slut, you will always be a slut.  These women enjoy the attention, so they go around wearing skimpy revealing clothing, short skirts and transparent, sheer, see through tops that show off all of their assets, or they may even expose their breasts more by not wearing a bra.  I’m all for women wearing, or not wearing, whatever they want and when a woman decides to wear less clothing, that is a philosophy that I can get behind.  However, once they start going down that path of freedom and they feel empowered by the control that they have over others, and they stop wearing a bra or their panties, this becomes their subtle way of communicating that they want sex.  At first, they may stop wearing a bra and panties to have their own little secret that they are hiding from everyone and say that this is for comfort and it is heathy to get air around their vagina, so going commando is no one’s business.  This is no longer harmless teasing when it escalates into a malicious attention seeking behavior done by an exhibitionist, that intentionally wants to flash men her private parts.  Some of these girls absolutely love it when the wind blows up their skirts and they even enjoy shopping for shoes, positioning themselves so the salesman will get a good view.

These women want to be naughty and they want to direct people to look at them while saying, “do you like what I have”, as by giving someone a flash is frankly what gives them the charge they are seeking.  They get aroused at the thought of exposing themselves in public, they know exactly what they are doing and they make no effort to deter any looks putting in every effort to provide anyone that is interested in looking an unobstructed view.  It becomes a way of life for these women as they feel that a good tease is as good as an orgasm to them, and this is not done to save on laundry.  Once they build up their confidence of being free, they start exposing themselves going up and down the stairs and getting in and out of vehicles to encourage that surprised look and get that big smile.  Some have even dared to go bouncing up and down on a trampoline to get that Marilyn Monroe feeling.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Tale Weaver #252 hosted by Michael – Making Sense of Nonsense – jodhoeing.

Get A Job

This song was written by Richard Lewis before he became a member of the Silhouettes, when he was in the US army in the early 1950s and after he came home and didn’t go to work right away, his mother told him to “Get a job”.  The song was released on their 1958 album Get A Job and the single reached #1 in the US, but it was the only single by the Silhouettes to make the national charts.  Sha-Na-Na took their name from the “Sha na na na, sha na na na na” refrain in this song and they performed it at Woodstock in 1969.

The doo wop group consisted of William Horton, Richard Lewis, Earl T. Beal, and Raymond Edwards, but this song also had Rollee McGill on saxophone, Orlando “Slim” Howard on piano and James “Coatesville” Harris on drums.  The lyrics discuss unemployment and domestic relationships, with the woman of the house nagging the man to find work, implying that he is both lazy and dishonest.

Sha na na na – sha na na na na
Sha na na na – sha na na na na
Sha na na na – sha na na na na
Sha na na na – sha na na na na
Dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip
Mum mum mum mum mum mum
Get a job
Sha na na na – sha na na na na

Every morning about this time
She gets me out of my bed a-crying
Get a job

After breakfast every day
She throws the want ads right my way
And never fails to say
Get a job

Sha na na na – sha na na na na
Sha na na na – sha na na na na
Sha na na na – sha na na na na
Sha na na na – sha na na na na
Dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip
Mum mum mum mum mum mum
Get a job
Sha na na na – sha na na na na

And when I get the paper
I read it through and through
And my girl never fails to say
If there is any work for me

And when I go back to the house
I hear the woman’s mouth
Preaching and a-crying
Tell me that I’m lying
About a job
That I never could find

Sha na na na – sha na na na na
Sha na na na – sha na na na na
Sha na na na – sha na na na na
Sha na na na – sha na na na na
Dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip
Mum mum mum mum mum mum
Get a job
Sha na na na – sha na na na na

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Tale Weaver – #251 hosted by Michael – November 28 – Job.