The Third Date

Gary and Pete had known each other since Grammar School and now that they each graduated college and got jobs in the city, they decided to share a two bedroom apartment, which cut down on all of the commuting hassles from the suburbs. They each had their own privacy and they split all the bills.  Gary had always been a ladies’ man and Pete was a bit shy, so Gary was getting a lot of action and Pete concentrated on his career.  Gary had asked Pete many times when he was going to find a girl, so they could go out on a double date and have fun.

One morning in the kitchen Pete told Gary that he had found a nice girl and tonight was going to be their third date.  Gary said, “Have you made a move on her yet?”  Pete said, “Of course not, as we are still getting to know each other.”  Gary said, “If you snooze, you lose, and if you want to get to know this girl better because you find that she is interesting, you must make her aware of your intentions.  It serves no purpose at all to wait, aside from giving some other dude the opportunity to ask her out while you’re being indecisive.  As soon as an attraction is made you must react or she may see you as not being confident enough to be with.  Many guys take too long to approach a girl because they are afraid to pull the trigger and when they finally get up enough nerve, the girl has already been swooped up by someone else.  When a girl is interested in you, delaying will only frustrate her, bore her, or make her think you aren’t attracted to her.  If you meet a girl that you like, then you must touch her, start making physical advances, get that first kiss before you will be able to have sex with her.”

Pete said, “Gary I hear what you are saying, but I am not like you.  Things are going fine with us and I hope to get the green light to make my move tonight.”  Gary replied, “Most girls know within 15 minutes after meeting a guy, if they are destined to just become a friend or if they will be a potential for romantic interest.  You need to act fast before you find yourself being stuck in the friend zone forever!  If you let too much time go by without telling her how you feel about her, than there is a good chance that she will only want you as a friend and if you complain, then you will lose her for good.  If she decides that you’re her friend, then you are doomed to remain as being close friends, you will no longer be considered as being a sexual entity, because in her eyes, she sees you like her brother, or just someone she can hang out with.  You might keep telling yourself that it is getting better and that one day you will be getting some loving, but that will never happen.”

Pete said, “I saw her in the supermarket and I thought that I would try to make her laugh.  She was in the fruit section near some apples, so I asked her whether she thought the best tasting apples were red, yellow or green.”  She smiled at me and said, “Aren’t you sweet, however I am not sure about the color, but the best tasting apples are the ones that are baked into pies.”  Pete said, “We hit it off right away and it seemed easy for me to be myself around her.  I was able to keep her attention and I remembered to look into her eyes when she was talking to me and I made sure that I kept on smiling.  I asked her for her number so we could make a date for lunch, coffee, bowling, mini golf, or whatever.”  She said, “Won’t you need my name first?”  That made me laugh and then I introduced myself to her.  She grabbed my cell out of my pocket and entered her name Maria and her number into my contacts and said, “Call me.”

“I called her the next day and we decided to go see a movie together and we held hands in the theater.  After the movie was over we went to the Cheesecake Factory where we each enjoyed some desert and coffee.  I was real happy because I thought that this went well and there were no awkward moments to speak of.  Then at the end of the date I drove her back to her place and she grabbed my hand and she said, “Thank you, I had a great time and I would love to see you again.”

Pete continued, “I was a bit disappointed as I had intended on kissing her when I dropped her off, but I thought that we were gradually and smoothly building a connection and at least we were going to have another date and maybe I would have better luck next time.  I knew that on our next date that I would have to get her to open up more with me and get her to trust me, so that we could create a deeper connection and I could determine if she did have any sexual interest in me.  I asked Maria if she would like to go to an amusement park and we had a great time.  I was able to hold hands with her, put my arm around her and we even kissed at the top of the Ferris wheel.  We ate, we walked, we talked and we really got to know each other and I did kiss her as I dropped her off at the end of our date.  Wish me luck on my date with her tonight, as I am sure that she is the one for me.”

The next morning Gary saw Pete in the kitchen and Gary said, “Did you score?” Pete said, “Things went real well, but I am not the kind of guy that kisses and tells.”  Just then Maria walked into the kitchen wearing one of Pete’s work shirts and she said, “Is the coffee ready yet?”  Pete said, “It looks like you got the green light.”

Written for 3/17/18 Linda G. Hill’s ‘Life in progress’ Stream of Consciousness Saturday where the prompt is “green”.

So Far As I Know

I was not there, but so far as I was told Adam and Eve were both made naked and they walked around naked in the Garden of Eden.  God created the first man and woman, perfect and without sin and He placed them in the Garden of Eden which had an abundant supply of everything they would need to live forever in their perfected state.  Adam and Eve were commanded not to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  After Adam and Eve both ate from the forbidden tree their eyes were opened and they realized that they were naked, so they sewed fig leaves together to make themselves aprons or loin cloths.  Then at the time when they left Paradise, God made clothes out of animal skins for Adam and Eve and they put them on to feel decent again and maintain their modesty and dignity.  These garments were made warm and strong, but they were coarse and very plain, just enough so they could be meanly clad, and God hoped that they would learn not to complain so much.  These skins had a magical property, as whoever wore them was both invincible and irresistible.  When Adam wore these clothes, all the animals around him, prostrated themselves in obedience to him.  The beasts and birds of the woods all fell down in respect, whenever they saw Adam wearing these clothes and apparently these garments also had the same affect on some human beings.  Adam’s garments were passed on to Enoch, and from him to Methuselah, and then to Noah, who took them with him on the ark.

There are many things in life which are not seen by the naked eye, and among them are the malachim (angels) and sheidim (negative angels).  The sheidim are descendants of serpents, or of demons in the form of serpents, alluding to in the serpent in Eden.  Others say that they are the descendants of Adam and Lilith.  It is said that Sheidim came from Adam’s accidental semen emissions, his wet dreams that he had after falling out of favor with God, which begot ghosts, and male and female demons.  Another legend says that God started making them, with the intention for them to be humans, but He did not complete their creation, because He was resting when the Sabbath arrived.  Sheidim are said to have some characteristics of both of humans and angels, but they have feet and claws like a rooster.  Like angels, they know the future and have wings, but like humans they eat, drink, procreate and they can die.  They are known to cause sickness and misfortune.

God gave Enoch a mystical sword when the giants became a threat to mankind that he could use to slay these giants and also to conquer other evils and ghosts.  Enoch passed this sword down to his son Methuselah and he slew myriads of demons with this wonderful sword.  When Methuselah received this sword, he spent three days in fasting and prayer and then God gave him permission to write His Ineffable Name upon this sword, which gave this sword the power to kill the offspring of these giants, who became demons, imps and evil spirits.  Methuselah used the sword with God’s name etched on the blade to slay 94 demons, and then he placed all of the demon-kings in iron fetters, while the lesser demons or imps fled and hid in the deepest ocean.  Methuselah eventually gave this sword to Abraham, which he used to conquer the kings and rescue his nephew Lot.  Jacob inherited the sword of Methuselah, when his father Isaac was on his deathbed and he gave it to his brother Esau, because he thought that he would be able to make better use of it.  Jacob got the birthright that he wanted so dearly and Esau thanked his brother for the nifty sword which he thought might come in handy some day.  Both brothers seemed happy with the deal that they made, and Esau ate the lentil soup.

Written for 3/10/18 Linda G. Hill’s ‘Life in progress’ Stream of Consciousness Saturday where the prompt is “so far”.

Perfectly Fine

The following sentence is grammatically correct, although it seems a bit odd having 4 words used repeatedly in a row, relying on a double use of the past perfect form of the verb have, and more confusion is added because of the versatility of the word ‘had’.  “All the faith he had had had had no effect on the outcome of his life.”  The confusion disappears when the sentence is rewritten as, “All the faith he had held had produced no effect on the outcome of his life.”  Something that is grammatically correct, doesn’t necessarily make good writing.  For the reader’s sake, one should find another way to express this idea.  A simple insignificant and innocent comma inserted in the correct place would provide a clause break and that would make this sentence more readable such as, “All the faith he had had, had had no effect on the outcome of his life.” Also this sentence could’ve been constructed using just three ‘had’s’ like, “All the faith he had had had no effect on the outcome of his life.”  The fourth had does nothing to improve the meaning of this sentence.

The past perfect tense is formed by combining ‘had’ with the past participle of the verb.  The past perfect is used when two events happened in the past, with one past action having occurred even before the other past action.  To form a sentence in the past perfect tense, you would use the word ‘had’ and the past participle of a verb in one part of the sentence.   The word ‘had’ is both the simple past tense and the past participle of the word have.  Some of the most confusing tenses in the English language are the present perfect and past perfect.

A verb can have as many as four parts and a multipart verb may be formed using a combination of auxiliary verbs and participles.  The first ‘had had’ is a modifier while the second is the main verb of the sentence.  “He had had” is a dependent clause acting as an adjective of the subject “all the faith”, and the second pair of ‘had’s’ contains the main verb.  An auxiliary verb is used in forming the tenses, moods, and voices of other verbs.  An auxiliary verb helps the main/base verb convey when in time an event or a condition happened.  The first occurrence of “had had” is the past perfect of “to have”.  One can easily have two of these in the row as the subject of this sentence is the clause, “all the faith he had had’ followed by the past perfect verb phrase “had had”.  Breaking this down a bit deeper, the first use of ‘had’ indicates the past tense, thus no longer has possession, the second ‘had’ is the past tense of having faith, the third ‘had’ again indicates past tense and the final ‘had’ is the past tense of having no effect on his life.  Now that this is totally understandable, no one can say that you can’t use the word because because because is a conjunction.

His faith which he practiced prior to the end of his life resulted in producing little to no change at a later time in his life.  He hoped for his life to turn out better, but all of his hoping did not affect how things turned out for him and eventually his life sucked.  Life can turn into a country music song where your truck breaks down, your girl cheats on you and then your dog runs away.  Sometimes things don’t end up going your way, and basically life sucks and then you die.  First life kicks you in the teeth, then you get raped up the ass, just before someone slits your throat.  There is a good chance that a gang will come along and beat the fuck out of you and take your wallet just prior to you getting run over repeatedly by a garbage truck.  Worse than that is when you keep seeing this guy wearing a red hat that says “Make America Great Again”, which was actually manufactured in China and this makes you wonder if he is not just an imbecile, but also a total liar and for me that is not fine.










Written for 3/3/18 Linda G. Hill’s ‘Life in progress’ Stream of Consciousness Saturday where the prompt is fine and bonus points are issued if it is the last word in the post.

The Wrong Apartment

I was so tired when I got off work yesterday, but this was the weekend that I was supposed to go camping, so I had to stop by my buddies apartment and pick up my sleeping bag that he never returned.  When I walked through what I thought was his front door, I realized that I had made a big mistake and I was in the wrong apartment.  The apartment was filled with women and one of them offered me a drink and said, “I am so glad that the entertainment finally showed up as this party was starting to get boring.”  That was when I realized that this was a bachelorette party filled with horney girls that were all drinking and waiting to have a male stripper rub up all over them.

The music was really loud and they all seemed to be totally hammered and then the bride to be handed me three hundred dollars, kissed me on my lips and said, “The party is in the living room.”  My girlfriend had told me about these parties after she went to one before her cousin got married and all the salacious action and infidelity that took place there and I saw that some of these women were old enough to be my mother and even my grandmother and I didn’t want all of them trying to touch me and grab my stuff.  I told her that this was a mistake and that I was not the entertainment, that I had just entered the wrong apartment.  I handed the money back to her and she started sobbing and she said, “I didn’t even want a stripper and I only agreed to this so my girlfriends could have fun.  Most of them are lonely housewives that are absolutely bored out of their skulls because they have nothing to do.  The stripper was supposed to be here at 2PM and now it is just after 4, so I will have to tell all of the ladies that he is not coming.”

I gave her a hug and I told her that I just split up with my girlfriend and that I was going camping for the weekend to try and sort my life out.  I told her that I was not a good dancer, but I thought that it would be fun to be the entertainment for her party and then I said that I could really use the money.  She told me that her name was Gloria and I told her that my name was Gary.  Gloria said that no one here would be criticizing my dancing, she said that I was a good looking guy and she said that all of her friends would see me as beef cake and eye candy, as my abs looked like I was displaying a six pack.  Then she said that anything that happened here would be only what I chose to do and if I would agree to be the dancer that I could keep the three hundred dollars and that I could probably double that by giving some of the girls lap dances.

Gloria said. “You must be certain that you want this as there is a whole room full of crazy girls out there that have been sipping drinks through penis shaped straws and they all want to flip the gender roles around by taking advantage of a man, so they can feel sexual empowerment.  You will be performing for these excitable women, some of whom might try to become sexually aggressive with you, as they might feel that this is their only chance to engage certain fantasies that they won’t get at home with their husbands.  A lot of my friends came here looking at this party as an opportunity for them to let loose, thinking that this is an environment where everything goes out the window and it’s OK for them to do whatever they’re doing.  Some of these inebriated girls will try to cross boundaries with you and do things that they would never dream of doing at home in the privacy of their bedrooms.”  I told Gloria that this was kind of scary for me, but that as long as I was allowed to say ‘no’ to certain things that I didn’t want, that I would be her entertainment for this party.

I headed out into the living room hearing all the women whistling and giving me cat calls.  I had no clue what was expected of me, but I felt confident enough in my body that I figured I could sort of wing it for a while, till I got the hang of this.  Since these ladies were expecting the entertainment to arrive over two hours ago, they were all pretty much trashed when I got out there and several older women started hitting on me immediately.  The bride’s mom kept encouraging me to lose my shirt, so I took it off and they all started to cheer.  A chant of ‘Kiss the bride’ started and I told them that I didn’t want to make Gloria uncomfortable just for their amusement.  Gloria said that this was her last hurrah and that she was going to make the best of it, so she put her arms around me and she kissed me, while sticking her tongue inside of my mouth.  She stripped off her panties and then she put them over my head.  The women took that as their signal to attack me and they ripped all of my clothes off.  Some of the older women started stripping and I saw more than enough cellulite on them along with their swinging boobs as the party turned into a Roman orgy.  They were all turned on and ready to go, it became hard for me to breath with all of these women on me and my only thought was that I should never have entered that apartment, but while I was stuck here I would try to make the best out of it.

Written for 2/24/18 Linda G. Hill’s ‘Life in progress’ Stream of Consciousness Saturday where the prompt is to write about a door you walked through this week that wasn’t your own.

What Is Normal

Sex is complicated and today there are many things that are blurring the lines that defines what it is that makes a man a man and what it is that makes a woman a woman.  Sexual orientation is a person’s sexual identity in relation to the gender to which they are attracted, which is usually heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual.  Sexual orientation is a term used to describe our patterns of emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction and our sense of personal and social identity based on those attractions.  Sexual orientation describes a long term, persistent romantic and sexual attraction to another gender. There are a bunch of identities associated with sexual orientation and this is not the same as gender, but it is one aspect of gender.  A person’s sexual orientation is not a black or white matter, as sexual orientation exists along a continuum, with exclusive attraction to the opposite sex on one end of the continuum and exclusive attraction to the same sex on the other.  Gender identity is about who you are.

Sexual orientation is about who you want to be with.  Heterosexuality is an attraction to members of the opposite sex, like women who are attracted to men and men who are attracted to women are in the group who often call themselves straight or heterosexual.  People who’re attracted to the same gender often call themselves gay or homosexual.  Gay women may prefer the term lesbian.  Bisexuality is a term used by people who are attracted to both men and women thus they exhibit an attraction to members of either sex.  Although these three categories are the most common, they are by no means the only categories in the world of sexual identification labels.  Some people have sexual attractions that span across many different gender identities (male, female, transgender, gender queer, intersex, etc.) and these people will often refer to themselves as being pansexual or queer.  Queer is useful for its non-specificity to orientation, and this acts as an umbrella term.  People who’re unsure about their sexual orientation may call themselves questioning or curious.  People who don’t experience any sexual attraction for anyone often call themselves asexual.

The term transgender refers to people whose sense of their own gender differs from what would be expected based on the sex characteristics with which they are born.  A transgender person may identify as a woman despite having been born with male genitalia, for example, and some transgender people do not specifically identify as men or women.  Transgender people may ultimately transition physically and socially in ways they feel are congruent with their identity.  This might include physical procedures (involving surgery or hormones), changes in the way one dresses or behaves, and new markers of identification (such as a different name or gender-related pronouns).  A person may also identify as transgender without making such changes.  The term transsexual is older, but it is still used by some to refer specifically to those who seek or have undertaken a medical intervention to change their bodies.

Today we live in a post-gender world where the boundaries between the sexes are being blurred.  What we understand as being a transgender person (in its many different forms) has been understood quite differently at various periods of time. Gender transgression including gay, lesbian or bisexual love is often vilified today, but at one time it was respected and at times even encouraged.  MTF male to female priestesses were often castrated to become eunuchs, so they could preside over the women in a royal house, and these men that became women were usually held in high esteem.

Distinct from transgender people, cross-dressers identify with the gender label they receive at birth but occasionally wear clothing associated with a different gender.  The term transvestite originated in 1910 from the German sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld.  Transvestite should not be confused with transgender or transsexual, as transvestites are often happy with their gender and have no desire to change their sex, but they simply enjoy being able to cross-dress from time to time.

Today girls don’t always wear pink and play with dolls and the boys are not all wearing blue and playing with toy soldiers. Females are no longer being depicted as always being hysterical, stupid or naïve and in the same way men are no longer presented as being technically skilled, strong or business savvy.  Now there is a push for gender mainstreaming, or the erasing of lines between the sexes and this involves calling for laws to make sure that everything, including language, is gender-neutral.  This is not only meant to promote equality for women and gender minorities, but also to break the dominance of males.

Written for 2/17/18 Linda G. Hill’s ‘Life in progress’ Stream of Consciousness Saturday where the prompt is his/hers.

A Tail’s Tale

Some humans are born with tails, but this actually depends on your definition of what a tail is.  During fetal development, the human embryo has a tail that usually disappears, being absorbed by the growing embryo. However, for a rare few, the tail is not absorbed and persists through birth.  Some evolutionists point out that the development of a human embryo goes through various stages of advancement, having gill slits like a fish, a yolk sac like a chicken and a tail like a monkey.  These structures are useless remnants or vestiges of our evolutionary ancestry, reminders of the times when our ancestors were only fish, reptiles, and apes.  Every baby starts out as a little round ball of unformed substance, then gradually arms, legs, eyes, and all your other parts appear.

At first a baby develops like a fish, having what looks like little gill slits in the beginning stage of their growth phase.  Although this theory was taught in biology textbooks as recently as the 1990s, we now know this to be just a fish tale, as these structures are not gill slits and humans don’t have the DNA instructions to form gills.  The so-called gill slits of a human embryo have nothing to do with gills, and the human embryo does not pass through a fish stage or any other evolutionary stage.  The development of the human embryo reveals steady progress toward becoming a fully functional human body.  Never in the course of development does a human embryo absorb oxygen from water, as fish do with gills.  The human embryo is fully supplied with oxygen through the umbilical cord.

In fact, these “gill slits” are not even slits.  They are nothing more than folds in the region of the tiny embryo’s throat.  By the 28th day of life, the embryo’s brain and spinal cord seem to be racing ahead of the rest of the body in growth.  Therefore, for a time, the spinal cord is actually longer than the body, forcing the body to curl and flexing the neck area forward.  Many people develop a double chin when bending the neck forward, so the embryo has folds in its neck area due to this flexing.

In chickens, the yolk contains much of the food that the chick depends on for growth.  But human babies grow attached to our mothers for nourishment.  The so-called “yolk sac” is the source of the human embryo’s first blood cells, and death would result without it!  This membrane-lined sac provides nourishment in the early stages of a baby’s development while it is in the uterus.  This yolk sac also acts as a rudimentary circulatory system before the embryo is able to circulate blood internally.

At about four weeks, human embryos have a little tail.  At around six to twelve weeks, the white blood cells dissolve the tail, and the fetus develops into an average, tail-less baby, most of the time, at least.  Every now and again, we get a little extra bit of baby, in the form of a vestigial tail.  Genetic defects can cause a baby to be born with only one eye or to have three eyes.

Written for 2/10/18 Linda G. Hill’s ‘Life in progress’ Stream of Consciousness Saturday where the prompt is tail/tale.

Stated Another Way

In manner of standing, that is to say, in accordance to, sometimes things need to be put another way. Linguistically prejudiced grammarians have all developed their own lexicon and the phrase ‘as per’ should only be used in reference to some prior statement. Otherwise stated, especially, specifically, expressly, by way of, in short, more precisely, put in an alternate manor, strictly speaking in plain English, ‘in other words’ is a prepositional phrase consisting of a natural expression that forms a connection between things. This phrase is often used to introduce an explanation, to provide a simplification, or issue a clarification, or to give an interpretation of something that has just been said.

I imagine that I could drag this post out and list more phrases that have simular meanings, but what would that prove. This is going to be one of my shorter posts, because I just don’t want to beat a dead horse.  This was my attempt to depict the multitudinous thoughts and feelings which passed through my mind and sadly that is all I got for an articulation today.  A sudden and unforeseen end to my hopes or plans as a reaction to the prompt, that I perceived as a continuous flow just ran out of words.

Written for 2/3/18 Linda G. Hill’s ‘Life in progress’ Stream of Consciousness Saturday where the prompt is ‘in other words’.