Inherently Intrigued

He couldn’t believe that she was dumping him just because she found out… he watched a gay porn video with his buddies.  Jake was playing poker with his friends and when he got back home, his wife Shella asked him how his evening was.  Jake felt guilty because one of the guys turned on a gay porn video, so he mentioned that to Shella.  She didn’t mind that her husband was watching porn, but she wondered if Jake was more interested in other men than he was in her.  Jake told her that watching gay porn allowed him to explore sexual curiosities and taboos that he would never do in real life and that he was not wrestling with his identity.  Shella wondered if it was a sign that he wanted to try new things in the bedroom, or if he was more interested in enjoying the male bonding that comes with sitting around with his buddies while his pants were down and playing another guy’s joystick, although he never mentioned doing that.  She knew that no one could choose their sexuality and not all men experience attraction in the same way.  Shella thought that if Jake was heteroflexible, being inherently intrigued by other men, that would be different, but since Jake wasn’t ashamed about his behavior, then why should she be.  What Jake and his friends do when they get together should not be a reason for dumping him, but she did not want to be known as the girl that couldn’t give him what he needed.  She would be devastated if he ever decided to leave her for another dude.  Shella decided that she would give Jake another chance, because at least he was not lying to her.

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter #74.

All Bets Are Off

Karen went ballistic when she found out that her husband, Kenneth, had gambled away their entire life’s savings.  He lost thousands of dollars betting on football, because of a week full of NFL upsets and bad calls by the refs.  He thought the fix might have been in after the Philadelphia Eagles lost that Monday night game to the Washington Commanders, as that should not have happened.  He knew that from watching the 1999 Al Pacino movie that on any given Sunday, any team can beat any other team, but this was a Monday Night game.  Kenneth only enjoyed the games when he had money on the line and his father was a bookie, so he grew up with gambling.  He thought this was a sure win as the Eagles were undefeated 8-0 on the season and the Commanders were at 4-5.  With Philly as a big favorite, at home, in primetime, he placed $331,000 on the Eagles to win on the money line, (this type of bet only includes odds, so there is no point spread) and this bet was valued at -550.  He could have potentially won just over $60,000, about five times less than what he invested.  This ended up being a sucker’s bet as his expected return did not reflect the odds of winning, and it was significantly lower, as he was lured into betting against large odds, blinded by the thought of making fast money.  Talk about your bad breaks, as he was cursed by bad luck.

Gambling addictions can, and most often do, negatively impact marriage, as more than 50% of these relationships end in divorce.  When a relationship goes sour, things will often keep going on a downward spiral till you reach rock bottom.  Kenneth’s big problem was that every time he lost a bet, he gambled more in the hope that he would win back what he had lost.  Karen told Kenneth that they needed this money to pay their bills and he said that he was sorry and that he understood if she wanted to leave.  She told him that she was leaving because there is no cure for gambling and that she wished that he was a drug addict, or a philanderer, or a wife beater, as she could probably handle that.  She told her husband that he had bet more than he could afford to lose and that she hoped he would have a nice life without her.

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter #73.

Erectile Problems

Anthony advised her to forget what had happened and warned her to not say anything to anyone.  Anthony told her that she was too sensitive, that she always over-reacted to every situation and that she tended to misinterpret what happened.  Anthony was a manipulator, and he would use devious means to exploit, control, or otherwise influence others to his advantage.  He had trouble getting it up and his insecurities were hard to deal with, well maybe hard isn’t the right word.  She tried to comfort him, but Anthony would not admit that he had a problem.  He tried to blame her for his problem saying that she didn’t dress sexy enough to turn him on.  She told him not to let one negative experience convince him that it will never work again, as sex doesn’t always go as planned.  She told Anthony that just because he had some partial softening, that doesn’t mean that he is a failure, and he is doomed to a life of celibacy.  She said that there was no need for him to be ashamed, that they just needed to talk about this and maybe they could discuss some options on what they could do if it happens again.

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter #72.

Midterm Elections

Craig had to choose a path, but given his history of making poor decisions, he… decided to roll the dice and let them decide.  Craig was not very interested in politics, but things are getting serious ever since that last asshole was in office and he wanted to make sure that no one like him ever gets elected again.  Craig used to split his ticket voting for an equal number of Republicans and Democrats figuring that way that might keep each other honest, but just like military intelligence, the phrase honest politician has become an oxymoron.  This would be Craig’s first time voting in a midterm election, as he had only voted in the presidential elections before, and that was so he wouldn’t have to re-register.   He was an Independent, but he knew that he would only be voting for Democrats and if the only choice was a Republican, then he would vote for himself.  Since he had the candidates selected, all that remained were some yes and no questions and some minor office positions that he couldn’t care less about.  Any question that sounded like it might cost him more money, Craig was going to vote no on.

Now the tricky questions and 5 of them concerned whether or not judges should remain on the Supreme Court for his State and 6 of them concerned whether or not judges should remain on the District Court of Appeal.  Craig thought it was time for some new blood so he would vote all of them out of office.  Craig didn’t have any children, so he was not concerned who was on the School Board of Directors and this is where he rolled the dice to make his choices for him.  He did the same thing for the City Council Seats and for the County Water commissioner.  His sample ballet was filled in and now it was time for Craig to vote.

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter #71.

Justice Is Served

Allison started laughing hysterically when she found out that… Trump was just sentenced to 20 years in Federal prison for the part he played in inciting an insurrection.  “Serves him right!”, she said.  Allison went into a rant saying, “He was always talking about saving America, and he pulled us so far apart, that things will never go back to normal again.  Just like Jeffery Dahmer, Trump was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, and a psychotic disorder, but that legal defense did not work for him, as he was found to be legally sane at his trial.”  When the News said that he is still facing other serious investigations and that his wife is divorcing him, she knew that the former president deserved all the punishment he was getting, because he behaved so badly for such a long time.  How many crimes must a person commit, before justice catches up with them.

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter #70.


He put on a wig hoping that he wouldn’t be recognized, but realized he had failed when… somebody shouted, “Who invited Harpo Marx to the party?”  That statement drew everyone’s attention to Joe, and that was just what Joe didn’t want.  Joe was a singer in a popular Boy Band who was just featured on the cover of Teen Vogue and since Joe liked his privacy, and he wanted to be able to go out in public like a normal person, he wore the wig hoping he could just fit in and have fun.  The man that said this to Joe was dressed up like Groucho wearing those signature eyeglasses, a greasepaint mustache and bushy eyebrows and he put his arm around Joe and said, “A man is only as old as the woman he feels, am I right or not?”  Joe got a good laugh out of this and said, “Speaking of old broads, let’s go look for Joan Collins, Shirley Maclaine, Carol Burnett, Sophia Loren, or Brigitte Bardot, as despite their age, these ladies really have class.  Joe’s new friend said, “I am with you on that, but let’s see if we can find you a top hat to go with your wig.”

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter #69.

Where Are My Keys

She was standing next to her car in the empty parking lot rooting around in her purse for her keys when she thought she felt… her glasses, a tube of lipstick, then her hand landed on some face powder, cold cream, bobby pins, curlers, tweezers, a nail file, hair spray, an eyebrow pencil, toothpaste, perfume, tampons, her prescription and batteries for her vibrator and God knows what else.  She kept finding everything under the sun, except her keys, as she had Kleenex, a pen, a mirror, a head band, stain remover, Gorilla Glue, nail polish, a broken watch strap in there, alcohol wipes, oh and this is where her passport was hiding.  Still searching for her darn keys, she found breath mints, some bubble gum, along with candy bars, gumdrops, jellybeans, potato chips, well at least she wouldn’t starve if she couldn’t get into her car.  She thought that if she found her keys that it was about time that she cleaned out her purse.

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter #68.

Ghost Story

When he heard the sound of voices coming from the abandoned building, he knew… that he had to check it out.  He had no idea what he would find, possibly a scary ghost or maybe even a demon that escaped from hell.  Elliott was a paranormal investigator who was sometimes referred to as a ghost hunter and he got a tip that something may be going on in this abandoned building.  Elliott got his start as a UFO investigator, but after the movie Ghost Busters, he switched because UFOs had become more about anal probing’s than about facts and he became more interested in proving some type of supernatural existence.  Every night, Elliott would head out into old buildings, abandoned warehouses, or cemeteries to look for ghosts, bringing along his electronic equipment, so that he could capture some proof.  Elliott knew that Einstein proved all the energy in the universe is constant and that it can neither be created nor destroyed.  So, when someone dies, that energy is still around someplace, as it cannot be destroyed, and it is transformed into another form of energy, and that is how a ghost is created.

Elliott invented a microphone that amplified very low-level sound waves, and this allowed him to listen to ghostly effects including breathing, shivering and feelings of fear.  As he entered the abandoned building, he heard the voice of a young girl saying, “Where am I?  Why can’t I see anything?  Can somebody help me?”  This sent a chill down his spine, but Elliott had been in the business long enough to know that things are not always as simple as they seem.  Elliott was aware that demons would try to trick him, by putting thoughts inside of his head, but he knew their tricks and he was not going to fall for them.  He did not want to become a victim of demonic possession again, as that last exorcism he went through was very painful.  His head was twisted around 540 degrees and those demonic sex acts were much worse than the alien probing’s.

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter #67.

Be Aware of What Your Partner Wants

She knew he was going to give her a long, deep kiss, but she was surprised when he… used way too much tongue.  A kiss can be magical, but the one thing that is bound to break the magic is the feeling of a squishy, wet tongue being the first thing hitting your lips.  You should always lead with your lips at the start of a kiss and once you get the right rhythm, then you can incorporate your tongue, but definitely hold off until the time is right.  She would have been into a heavy make out session, but not with a bad kisser.  The key in relationships is communication, but it was hard for her to say anything with his tongue ramming into her mouth.  The dude had no clue how to chill, and at one point she felt like a baby bird being fed by a mama bird.  She tried keeping her lips closed but his awkward attempts to push his tongue further into her mouth made her so uncomfortable that she just held her mouth wide open, and she did not move, feeling like she was in a dentist’s chair.  She broke off the kiss, because she couldn’t understand why guys didn’t realize that it is the ones that use less tongue that are the good kissers.

She had a good time on their first date, and she felt like this guy had potential which made her wonder if he could be trained how to kiss properly.  If she could just teach him that a kiss should be sensual, sweet, slow and very romantic then she would have a wonderful boyfriend, but she knew it was going to be tricky to tame him.  She put her hand behind his neck and pulled him close to her, as she sensuously started to nibble and gently suck on his lip, giving him a tender surface lip kiss.  She was determined to show him how to start slower and build up to a passionate kiss, but he tried jamming his tongue into her mouth again.  She pulled away, put her hand on his chin and then kiss him again while guiding him to how she liked to be kissed.  As soon as he starts up with his tongue assault again, she pulled away and restarted.  She figured that after she did this 3-4 times that he would probably catch on, but he didn’t catch her drift, and she had to tell him to stop and not use his tongue.  Kissing is a lot like sex, so you have to be upfront about what you like to get what you want.  She let him know that her lips were one of her body’s most sensually sensitive areas and she wanted him to give her a heart-fluttering kiss, one that would allow her to feel like she is on cloud nine!  She figured that once he got the basics down, that she would slowly introduce the tongue again, but in a more sensual manner.

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter #66.

A Family Affair

She was confused when she opened the letter addressed to her recently deceased father and what she found inside was… that her father had a whole other family.  Apparently, her dad had a mistress for the last 15 years of his life and they have a daughter who is 13 years old.  His mistress and his illegitimate daughter both know all about her and they live in the same town, only live 5 minutes away from where she is.  This made it convenient for her dad to go on booty calls with his mistress at all hours of the day.  She was an exotic dancer, and she was married and cheating on her husband at the time when her dad went into the strip club for the first time.  She gave her father a lap dance and he fell like a ton of bricks for her, as he became instantly and intensely infatuated with her.  Her dad had been paying the mortgage for his mistress and also giving her money for child support to help take care of her half-sister.  The mistress and her half-sister came to her father’s funeral, but she didn’t know who they were.

The letter was written by the 13-year-old girl, and she said that she didn’t want to show any disrespect to her mother who must have suffered as a result of the relationship that her dad had with her mom, but since they are related, she felt that they should probably get to know each other.  After her father passed away, her mom told her that she knew that her husband was sneaking around on her, but she never said anything because she didn’t want to bring shame to her children if they found out about his affair.  Her dad had no respect for his marriage vows or family commitment and neither did this woman that he was engaging in romantic relationship with.  She was curious about her half-sister, but she believed that her family should remain separate in every way and live their own lives, so she tore the letter up.

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter #65.