Making Daddy Proud

The elephant was making a poop and it had no idea that it was risking its life, as Donald Jr. and Eric were on safari.  Donald Jr. told his brother that he had the elephant lined up in his sights and he was going to take the shot.  Eric argued that he saw it first and he should be the one to kill it, but Donald Jr. said, “You just killed 3 giraffes, why do you have to be so greedy?  I feel like a real badass with all of this ammo and taking down the world’s largest land animal is going to be such a thrill.  I think I will take the carcass back to the Republican headquarters and have it stuffed and displayed there, so everyone can know that I am a real killer.”

The hunting guide cautioned Donald Jr. saying, “It may take more than one head shot to kill the beast, and if he doesn’t go down on your second shot, we may have to chase him till he drops.  Elephants seem to know when their end is near, so rather than sticking with the rest of the herd and potentially slowing them down, the elephant will head straight for the elephant graveyard, where it can die in peace.”  Donald Jr. squeezed the trigger and said, “This will be the last poop that this elephant ever makes.  I’m not going to kill him with this shot, as I just want to hurt him bad enough so he knows that he is dying and then we can find the graveyard where all of his ancestors are buried and then I can make a fortune selling the ivory.  My dad will be so proud of me, as in the end, everything comes down to money.”

Written for Paula’s Random Friday Prompt.

Give Me Gimme Shelter

I was homeless, having just been evicted from my apartment because I lost my job and ran out of unemployment benefits, when she said, “Come in, I’ll give you shelter from the storm.”  She had just completed building her bomb shelter, so she warned me that if I came in that I better be prepared to stay.  She was certain that a nuclear explosion was coming, and she was happy that she would not be all alone in her bunker.  She said that she had room for me and all of my belongings, but I had to be prepared to stay for several months.  She had a wind generator installed, so her bomb shelter would have electricity and she had bottled water, packaged foods, emergency medicines, a hand-crank or battery-powered radio, several flashlights, and lots of extra batteries.  Since water would be scarce, she said that we would have to sponge bathe each other.  She had a composting toilet for us to poop in, but she said that it would be my job to empty it daily and place everything in another container to give it enough time to turn into true compost.  That was a dealbreaker for me and I wished her good luck, as I went to live under a bridge.

Written for Paula’s Random Friday Prompt.