Walking Bree

I picked up a part-time job as a dog walker, which doesn’t pay much, but I think it could improve my lifestyle, by getting me in better shape.  The dog is a standard poodle, the large kind and she is chocolate colored and about 4 years old.  She is very well behaved when I walk her, as she doesn’t bother barking at other dogs and she ignores all of the squirrels.  The lady who owns Bree is on oxygen and she can’t get around anymore.  Her daughter had been walking the dog, but it got to be too much for her, as she works and has her own dogs at her house.  They want me to walk Bree every day and I tracked my steps on my fitness watch, which said I covered 1.3 miles on our walk.  There was a slight breeze blowing today, but it gets hot here in the summer, so when that happens, I will ask if it would be OK if we go for a walk on a stardust evening.

Written for Paula’s Paint Chip Friday challenge #15 where today we are supposed to derive inspiration from Valspar’s “stardust evening” and/or “dusted gloam.”

What Is Up

My day started out like any other day with the urban sunrise shining through my window, and then later my friends came around.  I am teasing, as I don’t actually have any real friends, just virtual ones that I will probably never even get to know their real names.  Anyway, I sat up and opened my eyes and then I heard the landscapers cutting the grass outside and this was not the awakening that I was looking for.  I was hoping for another dark morning, so I could stay in bed longer, but with the Sun up and those mowers going, there would be no rest for the weary.  Pretty soon the clocks will spring back and the mornings will be brighter again, but I have miles to go before I can sleep.  Actually, my doctor told me that I should walk a mile every day, which I haven’t started doing yet.

I don’t want people looking at me while I am walking past their houses and I am too lazy to drive to a park, so I am thinking about getting an affordable electric bike which is also called an e-bike.  This way I can pedal when I want and if I get too tired, then I can turn the motor on.  Some of these contraptions can be expensive and I am looking at Lectric XP 2.0 which will run me about $1,300 with the battery charger, the optional comfort seat and the Cargo Package which will give me that Front Rack, Small Basket, and Large Basket in case I want to ride over to Publix to get some groceries.  I think that this will make a nice Christmas gift for me to give to myself and I feel that I am worth every penny that it will cost.  I should probably order this pretty soon, as every day I hear how bad the shipping delays are.

Written for Paula’s Paint Chip Friday challenge #10 where today we are supposed to derive inspiration from Valspar’s “urban sunrise” and/or “awakening.”

When You Kiss My Lips

A little preparation goes a long way, but there is no need to overthink this.  Fresh breath would be greatly appreciated and please don’t lick my entire face like you are a golden retriever, as I don’t want to be slobbered on.  There is no perfect way to kiss somebody, but it must be natural and done in the moment, while you are giving me your full attention.  If you are going to introduce your tongue into my mouth, do it slowly, as it will probably take me a while to adjust to your saliva, before we start swapping spit like crazed teens, or playing tonsil hockey.  If you are thinking about biting me, or doing some gentle nibbling on my bottom lip, please try and warn me before you do that.  I would be OK with you leaving a lingering trail of kisses on my neck, but I am going to think that it is weird if you start to shove your tongue in my ear and give me a wet Willy.  I understand that ears can be important erogenous zones, but you should start off by nibbling on my earlobes, before you move on to licking them.

If this is our first kiss, start slow, be gentle and use light pressure.  Keep it simple and try to kiss back the same way that your partner is kissing you.  A kiss is meant to be shared, so don’t try to dominate someone into submission.  A kiss can be really sexy if it is kept brief, as that may make your partner beg for more.  Take a breath in between kisses till you discover what feels good for both of you and if you are not sure, then ask.  Once you find out what triggers the best response, then keep doing it, but try not to get overheated.  Humans get distracted by visual stimuli, so we usually close our eyes when we kiss and this helps us to enjoy it more, but this doesn’t mean that you can stop concentrating on what your partner likes or doesn’t like.  If you open your eyes during a kiss and notice that your partner also has their eyes open, that is called the sea kiss.  There is nothing to worry about, as this leaves open the potential for an even more intimate experience.  How you kiss, where or what you kiss, and whether your eyes are open or closed is all about what feels best for you and your partner, so this is your choice and nobody else’s business.

Written for Paula’s Paint Chip Friday challenge #8 where today we are supposed to derive inspiration from Valspar’s “sea kiss” and/or “ghost ship”.

Keepers of the Golden Flame

The sacred fire of the goddess Vesta was always tended to by the Vestal Virgins and they would be punished if it ever went out.  They lived privileged lives, being transported through the streets to special events in covered carriages accompanied by guards to protect them.  They took a vow of chastity and they were considered to hold the luck of Rome.  Vesta’s symbol was the sacred eternal flame and she was not only associated with the hearth, but also with the home.  She was the domestic goddess who was responsible for the knowledge of building houses, which were designed around the hearth.  Houses arose as shelters for fire, which was more crucial to life than having a roof, because the fireplace formed the heart of a home’s interior.  Romans thought that the flame had to be treated with respect and it must be guarded by and dedicated to the gods.

The goddess Vesta was the gentlest of all the gods, she protected the earth, and she was a guardian of the Roman people.  Vesta represents the life force of the earth, and she has an invisible presence in every family hearth as all household hearths are considered to be shrines to Vesta.  She is the spirit of fire, because she provided heat and light to every household and she allowed the minds of all the citizens to relax so they could imagine and dream.  The worship of Vesta exhibits the best side of Rome, as in this, good manners, a love of home, respect for family life and a desire to remain sexually pure and uncorrupted was found.  Vesta is the flame and she consumes everything, so nothing can be born of her.  She only allows chaste hands to touch her sacred relics, so virgin servants are the only ones allowed to keep the living flame in her temple.  She is sacred to women and is a protector of marriage.  This goddess of the hearth, and fire, was also the guardian of virginity.

Saturn and Ops decided to have children, but Saturn knew of this prophecy that said one of his children would overthrow him, so he had to take drastic measures to prevent that.  To accomplish this, he swallowed each of his children whole, just after they were born.  Fearing his destiny, Saturn opened his immense mouth and swallowed his new-born children in one gulp, thinking that this would let him rule forever.  His first five children were Vesta, Ceres, Juno, Pluto, and Neptune.  Vesta was trapped inside the stomach of her father Saturn, and she always regarded her younger siblings as being her wards, so she saw to their well-being as best she could.  Vesta was not happy being inside her dad’s stomach, so she made herself turn into a flame and she exuded hydrochloric acid, which helped to digest the food that her father ate and it also killed any surrounding bacteria which protected her siblings.  This caused her father to experience a painful burning feeling of indigestion after each meal that he consumed.  Her brothers and sisters that were swallowed after her, did not like the fiery symptoms that she produced, but since she was the first child inside, she made all the rules.

The Vestal Virgins would recite this poem every day when they woke up.
We are the keepers of your sacred flame.
If it ever goes out, we are the ones to blame.
We keep your fire for the sake of Rome.
We live in your Temple and call it our home.
The glowing embers in your holy hearth shine brightly through the night.
You watch over your priestesses assuring us that everything will be alright.
The smell of your sacred fire, gets in our hair.
Tomorrow we will wash it, as we say a prayer.
The heat from your fire warms our bodies and makes us feel at peace.
As long as we are here in your temple, your fire will never cease.
We are mystified at your swirling smoke rising up through the roof.
We will do anything for you goddess Vesta, our hearts are our proof.
Our life here in your temple is good, but we still have much to learn.
We make your cakes and tend your fire, as long as there is wood to burn.

Written for Paula’s Paint Chip Friday challenge #7 where today we are supposed to derive inspiration from Valspar’s “golden flame” and/or “autumn fire”.

Indian Love Song

Rain Dance lived off the reservation out in the wilderness and he was the brother of Running Bear who drowned in the river trying to get to his love Little White Dove.  Rain Dance was responsible for burying his brother, as their parents were deceased.  The tradition stated that he had to transport the body to the burial mound and he was taking the corpse of Little White Dove and Running Bear in his canoe to the consecrated burial mound where his ancestors were.  This was going to be a horrible trip for him to make, as he was afraid of the dead spirits who haunted these grounds.  These lands were mystical and sacred and he was worried after watching Poltergeist IIThe Shining, some episodes of South Park.  Just as he was about to push off the shoreline, the UPS driver beeped at him to alert him of a package that he needed to sign for.  Rain Dance ran to the truck and he was elated to see that his new Samsung Galaxy Note20 Ultra 5G android had arrived and he wanted to get it set up immediately.

After messing around with it for about an hour, it was ready for him to bring it with him on his trip down river.  The problem was that when he got back to where he left his canoe, it was gone and he was sure that the dead bodies of his brother Running Bear along with Little White Dove had gone over the waterfall and they would never be found.  He took the news in stride and he could always construct another canoe and he was actually happy that he wouldn’t have to confront any of those dead spirits who he was afraid of.  Now he had more time to play around with his new phone and he was going to load some Slim Whitman tunes on it.

Written for Paula’s Paint Chip Friday challenge #6 where today we are supposed to derive inspiration from Valspar’s “rain dance” and/or “wilderness” paints.

Welcome To the Neighborhood

Congratulations on the purchase of your new home, but please be advised that you must get approval if you wish to make any changes to the exterior appearance of your home.  You are required to use Sherwin Williams paint and the 38 different color schemes that are available to you are listed in the set of documents that you got at your closing.  In addition to these 38 colors, you may also paint your house with either of Valspar’s new colors which did not make it into your closing documentation as of yet.  The newly accepted colors are “possibility” and “foggy mirror”, but any color that you select must be approved by the Master Board first.  We have a rule that states no two houses next to each other can be painted the same color, so whatever color you choose, that must be approved by the paint review committee, before any work is started.  We also don’t like houses that are next to each other to look similar to each other, as we feel this makes the community more aesthetically pleasing, but since this is a judgement call with beauty being in the eye of the beholder, this guideline is harder for us to enforce and we hope that you will use your best judgement.

This new Possibility paint is a Latex base that provides extra protection from cracking, peeling and blistering over time and offers a Satin sheen with an elegant, soft look that could be ideal for you, but the paint swatches in the brochure could vary slightly from the result you get when your paint dries.  If you decide to go with the Foggy Mirror paint, you should know that this may make your house completely invisible in case we get a dense fog, so we suggest that you remain at home if that happens, because you might not be able to get back in if you leave.

Written for Paula’s Paint Chip Friday challenge #5 where today we are supposed to derive inspiration from Valspar’s “possibility” and/or “foggy mirror”.

Honeymoon in Miami

My parents got married on February 2, 1951 and they flew down to Miami to be on the beach and see the palm trees for their honeymoon.  I am sure that they kept to themselves being newlyweds, but one evening they went out to a night club.  There was a comedian entertaining the customers and he asked the audience if there was anyone out there who was on their honeymoon.  My mom nudged my dad and told him to stand up and he said “No, if I do that this guy will just make a jerk out of me.”  My mom was always kind of thrifty and she told my dad that if he stood up that they would probably be given some nice gift, so my dad reluctantly stood up.  The comedian spotted my dad standing up and asked him to come up on the stage, where he shook my dad’s hand congratulated him on his marriage and then told this joke.

He said, “I think that I passed you and your lovely wife in the hallway upstairs when you first checked into the hotel, but you were both so eager to reach your honeymoon suite and consummate your marriage that you didn’t notice me.  I stood outside your room and I heard you taking your pants off and then you threw them at the feet of your bride and you said, ‘Put those on.’  Your bride sounded perplexed, but she attempted to do as you asked.  I heard her say, ‘They’re too big, they won’t stay on.’  You answered her, ‘That’s right, just remember who wears the pants in this family.’  I figured that you had settled things and I was about to leave when I heard her tell you, ‘Put those on.’  This made me laugh especially when you said, ‘I can’t get into them.’  The last thing that I heard was her telling you, ‘That’s right and until your attitude changes that’s the way it’s going to be.’  My dad was completely embarrassed and utterly humiliated, but the comedian gave him a nice bottle of champagne called lavender moon.

My mom was really happy and they brought this special bottle of champagne back with them from Miami and decided to save it for their 25th wedding anniversary.  We moved a lot and this bottle kept getting tossed into closet after closet for 25 years, till they finally opened it up.  The sad news is that because it was not stored properly, the champagne turned into vinegar and nobody got to drink it, but the comedian was right as most of the time my mom wore the pants and my dad did what she told him.

Written for Paula’s Paint Chip Friday challenge #4 where today we are supposed to derive inspiration from Valspar’s “lavender moon” and/or “twilight mist.”


It was my first threesome and my girlfriend Lexi talked her friend Antonia into joining us.  All I had to do was give Lexi money so that she could go shopping after.  Lexi worked as a stripper and she was the epitomy of female empowerment as she always did whatever she wanted.  I told her that I never paid for sex before, (of course that was a lie) and she said the choice was up to me and I could take it or leave it, and she was only asking for $50.  Her friend was a bit overweight and nowhere near as hot as my girlfriend was, but I had read plenty of porn as this was definitely on my bucket list.  I had given Lexi money plenty of times before, but it never felt like a business deal.  The money was always freely handed over to her and it was more like a thank you for her being nice to me, and this time clearly seemed different.

I didn’t think anything about giving her money, as when I was married, I gave my wife money all the time.  Lexi was very bossy and I guess she was going to split some of the money with Antonia, but I wasn’t privy to that.  I talked her down to only giving her $40 and she said it was a deal.  Lexi called her friend and when she came over, Lexi told me to get naked and wait for them on my king-size bed.  They both came into my bedroom naked and my eyes were all over Antonia, because even though I had met her before, I had never imagined seeing her naked.  Antonia seemed excited and she smiled at me and then climbed up on my bed.  Lexi only liked it one-way, reverse cowgirl position, and she settled herself on top of me, so she could watch herself in the mirror.  I never understood that, but I expected that it had something to do with her being a stripper and her wanting to see how her body moved.

Lexi was rocking and Antonia asked her what she should do, to which Lexi responded, “Stick your tits in his face”.  I was having fun playing with Antonia as she had a nice rack and then like that it was over.  Lexi waited for me to finish, and then she climbed off of me.  I was disappointed as I thought that this would have been much more rewarding than it turned out to be.  I gave Lexi the $40 and she said that now she had enough for those cowboy boots that she had her eyes on.  Antonia kissed Lexi and told her that she would look really nice dancing in them.

Written for Paula’s Paint Chip Friday challenge where today we are supposed to incorporate Valspar’s “cowboy boots” and/or “glass slippers”.

Love’s Sweet Song

She woke up to discover what the morning would bring
Morning comes, she follows the path to the water’s edge
The water is as bright as the sky from which it came
She is deprived of contact with the outside world
So, she started singing a lullaby beside the water
Singing Love’s Sweet Song, down where the water flowed
As she washed her lonely feet in the river
Her voice was that of an angel
Her singing summoned an entire forest full of animals
This created a chill in the meadow, and a nip in the air
The morning chill brought early morning rain
The animals scattered and she told then she would be back when the Sun returned

Written for Paula’s Paint Chip Friday challenge where today we are supposed to incorporate Valspar’s “water’s edge” and/or “morning chill”.

Valspar the Colorful

Naddodd the Viking was blown off course when he was trying to reach the Faeroe Islands and he ended up discovering Iceland. Valspar the colorful was on that ship and he decided that he liked Iceland so he stayed there, not returning with Naddodd.  Iceland had been inhabited by Irish monks before the Vikings arrived and they herd confessions from the medieval people and learned about their sins.  They brought several prostitutes with them to be their housekeepers and they told these women if they worked hard that they would be saved.  Several prostitutes got pregnant from the monks and when the monks returned to Ireland, they could not bring their offspring back with them. or they would be disgraced.  Thus, all the reports of Iceland being uninhabited when the Vikings arrived are false.  Valspar stayed because he met a woman there.

Valspar told very colorful stories and some colorful jokes and that is how he got his nickname.  Most of his stories were about how bad Oden’s farts smelled, but everyone seemed to enjoy them and they all laughed.  If the term politically incorrect had been around back then, perhaps Valspar would have been named that instead.  Vikings were made up of Danes, the Norse, and the Swedes and Valspar like most of the rest of the Vikings was a misogynist.  Valspar only wanted to marry a woman, so he could have sex with her, as he basically had no use for them and he would never even consider treating a woman as his equal.  Anu was the woman that Valspar met and she told him right away that she wouldn’t have any of that being treated as if she was less than a man.  When all the other Vikings left, Valspar changed his tune and he accepted Anu as his equal.  Valspar still had exploration in his blood, because the ocean kept whispering to him, especially when there was a summer breeze.  He built a ship and when it was ready, he sailed away to Minnesota with his wife and his two sons Sherwin and William.  They both grew up to be painters and they founded Valspar paints to honor their dad.

Written for Paula’s Paint Chip Friday challenge.