Nice Painting

Butts are like tits, except you can grab them in public.  They are mounds of flesh and sometimes I just can’t keep my hands off of them.  Being able to grab my chick’s ass, establishes a connection between us.  Yes, it is a sexual obsession for me, and many people become fixated on certain body parts, but as long as this practice is legal, people are going to be grabbing ass.  Feeling a cushion of flesh is a good place to start and this erotic trigger can lead to more intimate touching behavior.  There are boob men and leg men, however I have always been a butt man and most girls seem to like it.

There is no denying that I am a derrière dude and I love to sneak up behind my girl and get some of that butt.  Butts are hot, especially when a girl knows how to shake her booty.  I know that I am not the only one who appreciates this, as there are a lot of songs devoted to a woman’s backside, like Ike and Tina Turner ‘Shake a Tail Feather’, Howlin’ Wolf ‘Back Door Man’, Queen ‘Fat Bottomed Girls’, KC and the Sunshine Band ‘(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty’, and Sir Mix-A-Lot ‘Baby Got Back’. 

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Nekneeraj’s Photo Challenge #337.

Zombie Dance

Peter said, “This is going to be the coolest ever.  You are in zombie land, I am in zombie land, we are in zombie land, so let’s do the zombie dance, which I know is going to be a phenomenon that will sweep across the country.  I am certain that Peggie Sue will be playing that new Michael Jackson music video at her party this weekend and when everybody else is watching the MJ video, we will be dancing like zombies.  I think you have all the steps down now, but you have to work on that snarl to make yourself look a bit more scarry.  We can chase everybody around and threaten to eat their brains if they don’t give us what we want.”  Shelly said, “Brains, I am not eating any brains.”

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Nekneeraj’s Photo Challenge #336.

Fandango is Hiding More Than His Face

Rodney Dangerfield dated a double bagger, a chick that was so ugly that not only did he put a bag over her head, he also put a bag over his, in case hers broke or fell off.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if you feel ugly, then you are ugly.  Some guys choose or prefer to be with ugly girls, but most men are superficial and they only want hot looking girls, or eye candy.  Many guys set their sights on ugly girls, because they think it will be easier for them to have sex with these girls and they might find out that these girls end up giving them the best sex that they ever had.  Society judges people pretty harshly and you may find a really nice girl that people will call an Ugly Duckling, because she is homely, or a bit on the heavy side, but it is the inner beauty that counts, as real beauty is more than skin deep.

Don’t give up because she has messed up teeth, a big nose, unruly hair, or acne, do as Stephen Stills said, “Love the one you are with”, because unattractive girls are willing to work harder which most likely will make them better in bed.  Pretty girls get so much attention because of the way they look that they never need to be friendly, while the ugly girls know the only way that they’ll ever get attention is to be charming, especially the ones who have been rejected and humiliated in the dating scene.  If a girl did not win the genetic lottery and people are mean to her, slamming doors in her face, they understand how much looks matter in this world.  A low maintenance natural look can be appealing to many men and as Billy Joel says, “Don’t go changing, to try to please me… I love you just the way you are.”

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Nekneeraj’s Photo Challenge #332.

The Cure

Madonna claimed that a covid-19 vaccine exists, but it is being concealed because, “They would rather let fear control the people and let the rich get richer and the poor get poorer”.  People like to believe in conspiracy theories and this helps to spread misinformation.  Anyone who is turning to Madonna for scientific information needs a checkup from the neck up.  Anyway, I told Madonna that I could prevent her from contracting the disease if she let me spray all the areas where she was going to in advance with my new Covid killer formula that I stole from Russia with love.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Nekneeraj’s Photo Challenge #327.

The Red Sun

We avoided the last day on Earth, by changing our orbit and avoiding the red giant phase of our Sun which would have destroyed our habitable zone.  We have long since known that the Earth’s orbit was too close, and it would be swallowed if we did not change its course.  Our oceans would have been vaporized; solar radiation would have blasted away the hydrogen from the water as the Sun ballooned into a swollen red giant filling the sky.  We got lucky being able to control micro black holes from our super collider research, enabling us to compress a lot of mass into a small enough space, resulting in ripping objects from the very fabric of space and time, and becoming singularities.  We were able to use this micro black hole’s gravity to pull Earth into a new orbit, approximately the same as Mars, so we could be safe from destruction.

Once we got a handle on dark matter and dark energy, we were able to pull our moon along for the ride.  Our studies of the Greenhouse Effect and Global Warming will give us the control to keep our planet warm, even though we are now 35 million miles farther away from the Sun than we used to be, and the Sun is now only half as warm as it once was.  Our Sun should remain as a red giant for another billion years, before it shrinks back down to a white dwarf, and all the life-giving light dissipates from it, but hopefully we can develop interstellar travel before that happens.  It is a good thing that Superman moved to a different solar system, as this red sun would surely have killed him.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Nekneeraj’s Photo Challenge #318.

The Day Before Easter

‘Twas the day before Easter, she laid in her bed
Thoughts of bunnies swirled around in her head
No dreams of dragon scales, just eggs, candy and toys
She was listening to a tune by the Back Street Boys
The egg hunt was soon and eggs she would gather
She could go on for hours with all of her blather
The bunny ears were a subtle innuendo that she was ready
Her excitement kept building up till she felt unsteady
She got up from her bed and walked around her room
She looked out her window and the lilies started to bloom
She loved this holiday and she was known to hem and haw
She saved a carrot for the Easter Bunny and yes it was raw
Today she would watch the film Easter Parade
Help her mom color eggs and drink lemon aide
The whole day long, she felt fine
She coughed at bedtime, was this a sign
She got sick that night and never got her basket
Covid-19 entered her bosom and she is in a casket
I miss you

Written for Sheryl’s Daily Word Prompt – Blather, for the Daily Spur prompt – Tune, for FOWC with Fandango – Innuendo, for Devereaux Frazier and Beth Amanda’s Go Dog Go Café Midwest Fantasy Tuesday Writing Prompt – I miss you, for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Nekneeraj’s Photo Challenge #317, for May Writing Prompts – Dragon scales, for Ragtag Community – Bloom, for Di’s Three Things Challenge prompt words – Raw Film Sign and for Word of the Day Challenge Prompt – Bosom.

Alice Wondering

Alice had run out of toilet paper, so she went down to the gully to take care of her business, as here she could leave a stink and the jasmine would cover it up.  Alice blamed China for the toilet paper shortage, as this was their plan from the start, to destroy the American way of life.  China mishandled the outbreak, they delayed their initial response and they withheld information from the rest of the world.  Alice saw her president as a man who she would always worship, and since he was pointing his fingers at China, they must be guilty.  Eight weeks ago, Alice had 10 rolls of toilet paper and she figured that was fine, but times got bad and it started flying off store shelves and now all she can do is wonder when the store shelves will be restocked again.

Alice understood that demand was outpacing supply, but nobody seemed to know when it would be available again.  Toilet paper doesn’t kill the coronavirus, as the COVID-19 disease is a respiratory infection, not a stomach bug that necessitates frequent trips to the bathroom.  Alice was in a rage after being in lockdown and now having to take a dump without any toilet paper to wipe with was becoming the final indignity.  She never thought this shortage would still be going on and she wondered why her president had not solved this yet.  Was this cypher so complex, that nobody would ever unmask what is behind it, or would this all disappear like a miracle as her president promised that it would?

Alice frequently experienced bowel control problems, so she stretched out in the gully with her legs spread apart to slowly tighten and pull up her sphincter muscles to take some of the pressure off the area around her anus.  She was ready to squat now and she brought an old sock to wipe herself off with.  The days of Alice having feelings like life would return to normal were becoming far and few between and she wondered if she could ever be able to buy toilet paper again, and if she could, would that would be enough for her to feel normal again.  Alice could still remember when she had a normal life, but that memory was slowly fading.  She continued with her business as she thought silently to herself reflecting, “What does a return to “normal” look like for you?”

Written for Sheryl’s Daily Word Prompt – Cypher, for the Daily Spur prompt – Sock, for FOWC with Fandango – Rage, for the Devereaux Frazier and Beth Amanda’s Go Dog Go Café Tuesday Writing Prompt – What does a return to “normal” look like for you?, for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Nekneeraj’s Photo Challenge #314, for May Writing Prompts – The days of Alice, for Ragtag Community – Unmask, for Di’s Three Things Challenge prompt words – Worship Remember Bad and for Word of the Day Challenge Prompt – Jasmine.

Electric Highway

I’m gonna get up in the morning and I am going to pack my bags and get back out on the road again, because I want to be rockin’ down the highway.  I know that your daddy took your T-bird away, so come with me, cause I ain’t going down that long old lonesome road all by myself.  Let’s take the highway to the end of the night, so we can get somewhere that no one has ever been before.  I will drive my car till I smell the motor burning and while we are driving down the freeway, we will see midnight alleys roam.  If I crash and burn where the roadside bends and it twists and turns, don’t cry for me mama, just bury me where I am, as I have had the life that I loved, makin’ music with my friends.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie NEKNEERAJ’s Photo Challenge #309.

You Should See the Other Guy

Jim was a lover not a fighter.  He went to Woodstock, he wore tie died shirts, bellbottoms and love beads and he was recycling before anyone ever heard of doing that.  Jim met Doris at Woodstock and they married soon after.  They lived on the South side of Chicago, which was a bad part of the town and Doris enjoyed dancing, so Jim would take her out to the local bar every weekend.  Doris was a real looker and Jim knew how lucky he was to have such a beautiful woman in his life and he cared about her, worried about her, because she was so important to him.  You could say that he was jealous, but Jim thought that he was just being protective.

Jim knew that other guys would try and hit on Doris when they saw her shaking her stuff out on the dance floor, but Jim was a big guy and after a glance from him, they would usually stop pestering his wife.  Doris never really flirted with the other men, but she did enjoy the attention from being the hottest chick in the bar.  One night, this man named Leroy Brown who had a reputation for being a real bad dude started hitting on Doris and even though Jim knew about his reputation, he tapped Leroy on the shoulder and told him to move on, as Doris was his wife.  Leroy Brown told Jim that he was the baddest man in the whole damn town and if he wants something, he takes it and then he pulled a razor out of his shoe.

Jim was always taught to stick up for himself and he knew that it was time for Leroy to learn a lesson, so he sucker-punched Leroy and that made him drop the razor.  Leroy was shocked, as nobody had ever stood up against him before, so he pulled the thirty-two pistol from his pocket and stuck it in Jim’s face and told Jim that he better start running.  Jim did not run, he kicked Leroy in his nuts, which caused him to double over on the floor.  Jim picked up the gun and threw it to the bartender and then he told Leroy that they were going to have a fair fight and that it was about time somebody kicked his ass.  Jim got the best of Leroy that night and when they finally pulled Leroy off the floor, he looked like a jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces gone.  Jim got beat up pretty bad, but he taught Leroy never to mess with another man’s wife again.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie NEKNEERAJ’s Photo Challenge #308.

Love at First Sight

Instantly I felt an extreme long-lasting romantic attraction for her when I saw her laying in that pile of trash.  Sure, she needs some cleaning up, but I have this overwhelming urge to constantly look into her eyes and at her face.  Yes, I know what agalmatophilia is, but I don’t plan on having sex with her, but I do want to dress her up, because I know she is special.  I am not sure if she is my soul mate, or if we will live happy ever after, but I have always liked the silent type and besides all that, she looked at me first.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie NEKNEERAJ’s Photo Challenge #305.