A Gorilla and a Dog

A gorilla walks into a bar and orders, “I will have a scotch on the rocks, please” and he hands the bartender a $10 bill.  The bartender has a tattoo of an elephant on his forearm and he thinks to himself, “This gorilla doesn’t know the prices of drinks, and he probably won’t remember what I charge him anyway, so I am going to rip him off”, and gives the gorilla 15 cents change.  The bartender says, “We don’t usually get any gorillas in here.”  The gorilla replies, “Well, at $9.85 a drink, you can tell your elephant friend that I ain’t coming back, either.”

A stray dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’d like to buy some peanuts.”  The bartender says, “Sorry, don’t sell peanuts.”  The stray dog leaves.  The next day, the dog returns and again says, “l want to buy some peanuts.”  The bartender replies in an angry tone, “l already told you that I don’t sell peanuts.”  The stray dog leaves.  The next day, the dog comes in once again and he demands, “l want to buy some peanuts!”  The bartender is outraged and he yells back, “l told you, I don’t sell peanuts!  If you ask one more time, I’ll nail you to the wall!”  The dog leaves.  The next day, the dog walks into the bar and before the bartender can say a word, the dog asks, “Do you have any nails?”  The bartender looks surprised at this unexpected question and he says, “Sorry, don’t have nails.”  The dog says, “Well in that case then, do you have any peanuts?”

Written for Maggie’s Innovation Challenge #FUN20090 – Number #2, a bartender with a tattoo of an elephant on his/her forearm and Number #3, A stray dog, a drone, and/or a neighborhood ice cream truck.

Shopping Trip

I said to my wife, “I am heading out to the store, do you need anything?”  For some unknown reason, maybe it was just the time of the month, or cabin fever, as she seemed to be mad at me and she said, “I told you I don’t need your help, Bozo.”  OK, so that is how it is going to be, maybe she will cheer up later if I can score some toilet paper, but I am not counting on that, and then she said, “Don’t forget to wear your mask, as I don’t want you bringing any germs back home with you.”  I said, “Thanks honey, I already got it, see you later sweetie.”  Just before I got out of the door she said, “Make sure that you check everything carefully, as I don’t want you bringing home another dented can of beans again, as the last thing that I need now is botulism.”

A man in the parking lot of the store saw me wearing my mask and he said, “If you are sick, you really shouldn’t be going out and risking other people’ health.”  I told him that I am fine, and that I was not wearing the mask as a courtesy to others, that it was for my own protection.  I herd on the news that people were stockpiling eggs during the coronavirus crisis as they cook more meals at home and that this is leading to supply shortages and a spike in prices so I figured I would get them first.  I am not the kind of person that pays attention to the cost amount of what everything sells for most times, but I do pay attention to gas prices.  They were out of the jumbo eggs that I usually buy and all they had were these smaller organic brown ones, which were selling for $4.35 a dozen.  I usually check my eggs to make sure that none of the shells are cracked or have a break in them and these looked good, so I put them in my cart.  A clerk came out from the storage room and he restocked all of the shelves.  I guess that I got there at the right time, so I put that dozen back and got my jumbo ones, life is great sometimes.

Written for FOWC with Fandango – Amount, for Maggie’s Innovation Challenge #FUN20083 – Number #2, Use this line somewhere in your story. “I told you I don’t need your help, Bozo.” and Number #3, Use one or all of these objects in your story. A dented can of beans, a dentist, or a marching band, and for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Tale Weaver #268 – Medical hosted by Michael where we are asked to write about something medical, from band-aids, bandages to botulism and as we are in a state at present of heightened awareness about health, you can vent about the coronavirus if so moved, and for Di’s Three Things Challenge prompt words – Time Courtesy Break.

Blue Heaven

I live in an Eden prairie, which is like having a slice of heaven here on earth.  What I like best about my home town is that it is meticulously clean and it is also known for having the best authentic Italian pasta.  Spaghetti?  Really?  We do have the coronavirus, but people here are good at practicing social distancing and we smile at others while we try to maintain a safe distance staying at least 5 feet apart, especially since we just heard about the 54 new cases of coronavirus in Limerick, Ireland.  Grace is a real joker and she is the owner of my favorite Italian restaurant and she is keeping her place open, but only for small gatherings.  She placed a bucket on a table near the entrance, which she insists that everyone put their cell phones into, or otherwise they will not be served.

Written for the Daily Spur prompt – Owner, for Maggie’s Innovation Challenge – Number #2 Spaghetti? Really? and Number #3 A rock, a bucket or a broken watch, for March Writing Prompts – Eden prairie, for Ragtag Community – Clean, for Di’s Three Things Challenge prompt words – Smile Grace Joker, and for Word of the Day Challenge Prompt – Limerick.