Not Much Of A Mystery

Di at pensitivy101 was gifted the Mystery Blogger award by the bloke Rory we all know and love.  She decided to pass it on to me and this is one award that I have never won before, so it is a great honor and I want to thank Di which I will do by being a good sport and answering her questions, which also looks like a lot of fun.  Di asks:

  • If you were a member of the opposite sex for a week, what would you find the most difficult?
  • Have you ever eaten an oyster?
  • Have you had a conversation with an imaginary person/friend and then discover someone had eavesdropped?
  • When shopping, do you squeeze a loaf of bread to test for freshness?
  • What is your favourite dessert?

In order to look half decent as a woman, I would have to get rid of my body hair as I have very hair arms and legs.  Luckily I don’t have a pronounced Adam’s apple, so I could swing that, but I would need to get a wig for my head and I would probably need some makeup.  I might need a girdle to tuck in my belly.  Since this is only going to last a week, there is no need for me to get implants, but I guess I would need some fake boobs to stuff into a bra and then all the guys would be hitting on me, which is the part that I would find the most difficult.

I have never eaten an oyster, although I have eaten clams, fried calamari, conch chowder and turtle soup.  I have heard that eating oysters puts you in the mood, so I guess I would try them if I was given the right incentive.

Nope, although I did have an imaginary friend when I was young who I named Ghosty.  I used to love playing Monopoly, I just couldn’t get enough of it.  When my sister and my brother got tired of playing this game with me, that is when I created Ghosty.  He was invisible to everyone but me.  I was not very nice to Ghosty, as I would cheat him because I enjoyed winning.  I got him to sell me his properties at a low value, so I could always beat him.

I have never squeezed a loaf of bread and I have also never squeezed the Charmin.

I love all kinds of desert and the only three that I have never tried that I would like to someday are Baked Alaska, Cherry Jubilee and Spotted Dick.  I love all types of pies and pastery, so it is hard for me to pick just one.

Fancy A Fib

I never participated in a Fibbing Friday before, but I have a few minutes, so why not.  Di at pensitivity101 asks:

  1. Why do we say we blow raspberries?
    2. Why did Peter Piper pick peppers?
    3. Why DID the chicken cross the road?
    4. The mouse ran up the clock, but what for?
    5. How many steps are there in a staircase?
    6. Why did the Owl and the Pussycat go to sea?
    7. The house in the forest Hansel and Gretel found wasn’t made of candy. What was it made of?
    8. How do you cheat and get away with it?
    9. What will you do with fifty shades of grey?
    10. What’s green with trotters?

My answers:

  1. I know that I am supposed to make up a fib, bet we say blow raspberries because that is how they are given.  This is also known as a Bronx cheer and you stick your tongue between your lips and try to make a vibrating sound by flapping your lips.  This works real well on a child’s belly and it always gets them to laugh.  As Humphrey Bogart once said, “You know how to whistle, don’t you?  You just put your lips together and blow”.
  2. Peter Piper picked peppers, because he got tired of picking his nose.
  3. The chicken crossed the road because Isaac Newton said that chickens at rest usually stay at rest and chickens in motion tend to cross roads and this also may have been a way to prove the Intermediate Value Theorem.
  4. The mouse that ran up the clock was one of the three blind mice, so this was his only method of telling time.
  5. Typically a case of beer contains 24 bottles or cans, so why should a case of stairs be any different.
  6. The Owl and the Pussycat were besties and the owl really wanted to go, as most pussycats are afraid of water, but the owl assured his friend that he would keep his eyes peeled for any trouble.
  7. Hansel and Gretel found a house made of metal and there was a lot of heavy metal music playing inside.
  8. If you keep your mouth shut, then you can cheat and get away with it, but what is the fun in that.
  9. If I had 50 shade of grey, I would place them in the White Room, because it is too bright.
  10. WTF are trotters?  Ok I will make something up, since things become green with envy, dating Envy’s sister Trotters will make her turn green also.

The Moon Has Craters

Galileo did not invent the telescope, but after the Dutch spectacle maker Hans Lippershey applied (and was turned down) for a patent on his spyglass in autumn of 1608, Galileo became interested in this contraption.  Galileo constructed a 9X telescope by August 1609 and then around the first of December, Galileo completed his creation of a 20X telescope that allowed him to see the Moon and other celestial bodies like nobody ever had done before.  In March of 1610, he published more than seventy drawings of his Moon observations that showed the Moon had a rough surface covered with mountains and craters.  This was in direct opposition to the Church’s doctrine (and Aristotelian philosophy), which insisted that the Moon, as a heavenly body, was perfectly smooth and spherical.

Galileo said, “In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual.”

Li selected me to submit a quote from somebody whose surname starts with the letter G, so I went with Galileo.

Rory took the letter A

Unlike a drop of water which loses its identity when it joins the ocean, 
man does not lose his being in the society in which he lives. 
Man’s life is independent. 
He is born not for the development of the society alone, but for the development of his self too.”

Bhimrao Ramji Ambedkar

Paula took B

“The paradox of education is precisely this – that as one begins to become conscious one begins to examine the society in which he is being educated.” ~ James Baldwin

King Ben’s Grandma took C

“To me, the progress of society consists in nothing more than in bringing out the individual, in giving him a consciousness of his own being, and in quickening him to strengthen and elevate his own mind.”

WILLIAM E. CHANNING, Thoughts

Beckie  took D

“Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe.”

~ Frederick Douglass

Sadje took E

A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
― Albert Einstein

Li took F

“It’s a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless Automat of characters.”— Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

I hope that Punam paeansunpluggedblog songs unheard by the poet next door will take over with the next letter being H for this quote game that was started by Rory.

We Are Flatlanders

On this day April 19, 2019 Melanie B Cee has put on her pointed cap again, but I am not calling her a dunce or a witch, although if I see her flying around on a broom, then I will change my tune, hey that rhymes.  Some of my former teachers made me sit in the corner as a punishment, but I was never compelled to wear a dunce cap.  Most of my punishments consisted of me having to write 100 times on the blackboard, “I shall not chew gum in class”.  Stupid petty punishment as it never even helped me to improve my handwriting skills.  Actually these questions have nothing to do with Melanie, they are from Teresa Grabs (aka The Haunted Wordsmith) and her Fibbing Friday post and I thought I would give them a whirl.

  1. Those aren’t chemtrails or clouds…what are they?
  2. Obviously the Earth isn’t round, but it isn’t flat either…what shape is it?
  3. Salmonella doesn’t come from chicken…what does it come from?
  4. Aliens were found in Roswell, but they weren’t taken to Area 51…where were they taken?
  5. Trump was ordained, but by who?
  6. Mars does hold life, but they aren’t martians…what are they?
  7. The internet is spying on you, but who/what is behind it?
  8. We don’t create TV shows…what are TV shows really?
  9. Social media really does erode personalities, but what is the purpose of doing that?
  10. IKEA really is a trap…what is the mystery that keeps people there?

My answers:

  1. Those trails left behind from a jet airplane streaking across the sky always mesmerized me as a child, but I have moved on to studying entrails as there is so much more that we can learn from them. I have become a haruspex trained to practice a form of divination that involves the inspection of the sacrificed animal entrails in order to read omens for the future.
  2. Our Earth is a three dimensional sphere, but from space this truly global picture of the third dimension is not seen and Earthlings become Flatlanders. Human beings, living in a three-dimensional world, can easily recognize two dimensional objects like triangles, squares and other polygons of our Flatland, which are only lines. When Earth is viewed from the fourth or a higher dimension it is possible to catch glimpses of the true nature of three-dimensional objects and to see their relationships to one another. The mathematical journey into the fourth dimension starts with a point, a zero-dimensional object having no length, breadth, or height. A point stretches into a line, which in turn sweeps out a square, which then balloons into a cube, or if you started with a circle this becomes a sphere. Once a line forms, at each succeeding stage, the figure expands in a new direction at right angles to those directions already defined. I hope that I cleared this up for everyone.
  3. It does not take the wisdom of Solomon, or the wizards Saruman and Sauron for everyone to know that salmonella comes from salmon.
  4. The aliens that were captured at Roswell were ground up and made into crop circles.
  5. I am pretty sure that Trump was ordained by either some dumb Republican, or a stripper, or by Vladimir Putin.
  6. At one time Mars did have Martins, but like the aliens at Roswell they were also ground up and mixed with gin, vermouth and olives.
  7. Internet spying is the result of malicious Keystroke logging software that Russian hackers have installed on your computer to keep an eye on what you are writing about. They also take control of your cam in hope that they can catch you watching porn.
  8. TV shows are the dreams that Mr. Ed had after he rubbed Jeanie’s lamp.
  9. Social media exists to make everyone agree with the nonsense spouted out on Twitter by that orange dude.
  10. People get trapped inside of IKEA, because it is built like a maze and there is a lot of smelly cheese there.

Written for Fibbing Friday.

Whoppers To Tell

This place that I worked at had a problem with someone taking other people’s lunches from the office refrigerator.  How low do you have to be to do such a thing, I have been real hungry at times and I would never think of doing this.  This was happening on a daily basis and it was before cameras were popular, so there was no way to monitor who the thief was, but we knew it had to be one of our co-workers.  The unsuspecting victim would be out of a lunch that day and they would be forced to eat from the roach coach.  It wasn’t like somebody accidently grabbed another person’s lunch, it was rampant and it happened every day.  There was this guy named Jack and he ate a tuna fish sandwich every day.  Jack always put his name on his lunch bag and this happened to him several times and he was the kind of guy that would not let things go, so he made a plan.

Jack went home and he made a dog food sandwich, he wrote his name on the bag and he decided to eat from the roach coach every day.  When lunch arrived, he went straight to the frig to check if his lunch was still there.  If it was, then he ordered form the roach coach truck where the food was barely tolerable, but Jack was determined, so he did what he had to do.  One day he saw that his lunch was missing, so he went snooping around and he discovered who stole his lunch.  This guy worked a few cubicles away from him and Jack smelled the dog food on his breath.  Jack told everyone that worked there and we all started calling this dude “Dog boy”.  We would bark at him, everytime he came around and after that the lunches stopped disappearing.

Written in response to Rory’s challenge.

Rhino Count

To celebrate my completion of Ninny Rhino month, I gave my rhino a rainbow striped coat. I made a commitment to write at least 1,000 words for every day in March and I made it!  Here is a list of the posts that I wrote this month.  The bottom two are already written, but I have not officially posted them yet.

March 1 – A Ninny Rhino – 337 Words
March 1 – Nobody Gonna Make Me Sing – 692 Words
March 2 – Dance To The Music – 272 Words
March 2 – Sure Like To Ball – 831 Words
March 2 – Response From Helen – 456 Words
March 3 – She Wants Him – 1,240 Words
March 4 – Got Pulled From The Dock – 1,145 Words
March 5 – Weekly Song Challenge Round 3 – 156 Words
March 5 – Glowing – 957 Words
March 6 – The Perfect YES Man – 183 Words
March 6 – Slightly Different From A Cookie – 973 Words
March 7 – Age Is Just A Number – 1,238 Words
March 8 – Better Off Alone – 1,488 Words
March 9 – Bash You In The Head – 564 Words
March 9 – All That Remain – 894 Words
March 9 – Talking In Your Sleep – 441 Words
March 10 – A Cruel And A Heartless Deed – 823 Words
March 10 – Magellan Never Made It – 239 Words
March 11 – Weekly Song Challenge Round 4 – 217 Words
March 11 – Never Seems To Be Quite Enough – 664 Words
March 11 – Promoting Peace and Love – 141 Words
March 12 – Try And Understand – 1,190 Words
March 13 – The Orange President – 186 Words
March 13 – Things Inside My Head – 1,054 Words
March 14 – Area Of A Round Field – 980 Words
March 14 – Power To The People – 520 Words
March 15 – Watch The Drops Of Rain – 1,267 Words
March 16 – Heart And Soul – 222 Words
March 16 – Let Me Die In Your Arms – 918 Words
March 16 – Green Beer, Corned Beef and Leprechauns – 112 Words
March 16 – Spring Break – 606 Words
March 17 – Don’t Know Much – 1,206 Words
March 18 – 2019 AZ Challenge – 347 Words
March 18 – Thinning Hair – 444 Words
March 18 – A Bold World – 270 Words
March 19 – Some Little Something – 1,063 Words
March 20 – Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater – 314 Words
March 20 – Come Back Home – 730 Words
March 21 – The Way You Rock And Roll – 1,685 Words
March 22 – Hug And Kiss You – 1,102 Words
March 23 – Annual Wellness Exam – 544 Words
March 23 – Just Another Pleasant Valley Sunday – 695 Words
March 24 – Where All The Pages Are My Days – 868 Words
March 24 – The Meaning Of Life – 278 Words
March 25 – Summer Goes Winter Blows – 1,066 Words
March 26 – Dreaming Of A Thousand Lovers – 779 Words
March 26 – One More Post – 244 Words
March 27 – People Have Got To Know – 162 Words
March 27 – Crack It Open – 1,160 Words
March 27 – Moment Of Truth – 88 Words
March 28 – She Knows How To Rock And Roll – 1,145 Words
March 29 – The Best Things Always Disappear – 920 Words
March 29 – Our Place In The Universe – 1,058 Words
March 30 – Pillsbury Doughboy – 237 Words
March 30 – Rhino Count – 568 Words
March 30 – What Up – 720 Words
March 31 – Ever Since They Tore The Juke Box Down – 1,128 Words

A Ninny Rhino

Cage Dunn Writer, Author, Teller-Of-Tall-Tales alerted me to this March Madness writing challenge, where you make a commitment to write some minimum amount of words for every day in March.  The Ninny Rhino is a phrase that was misconstrued from a Mini-Wri-Mo, meaning a small writing month.  A mondegreen is a word or phrase that is misheard, but it makes sense in your head, becoming sort of like an aural malapropism.  Instead of saying the wrong word, you hear the wrong word.  The word mondegreen is generally used for misheard song lyrics, although technically it can apply to any speech.  The term mondegreen was originally coined by author Sylvia Wright, and has come to be quite widely used.  As a child, Wright heard the lyrics of The Bonny Earl of Murray (a Scottish ballad) as being:
Thou hae slay the Earl of Murray
And Lady Mondegreen
As it turns out, the word mondegreen is actually a mondegreen, because Lady Mondegreen only existed in the mind of Sylvia Wright, for the actual lyrics say, “slay the Earl of Murray and laid him on the green.”

I grabbed the real cool badge and I am committing to writing 1,000 words every day this month.  I completed Linda Hill’s JusJoJan challenge in January and I just finished Bee Halton’s Love Is In The Blog challenge for February, so this will keep me busy for a month.  I think the purpose of this challenge is to get people to write, which I am doing anyway, but as far as I know, there are no rules except for trying to reach your goal every day.  Cage said that I should put my word count for each day at the end of my posts, or do a daily update for my Ninny count at the end of the day.  I should have no problem achieving this goal and while March is on, I will start writing some of my posts for the April A-Z challenge.

(337 words counting the title)