The Postman Always Rings Twice

Fido heard something so he wagged his tail and went to the window to see what was going on and Timmy followed.  Fido knew it was his job to make everyone aware anytime somebody was at the door.  The boy and his dog looked out of the window, expecting to see something.  Timmy told Fido that it wasn’t the postman because he would always ring twice in case there was something that needed to be signed for or otherwise, he would just place the mail in the box.  Fido was hoping that they word get a visitor, because he enjoyed jumping up on people to great them, as that was his thing when anybody arrived.  Fido had no clue why they were waiting there, but he wondered if it might be another delivery from BarkBox the monthly surprise of dog toys, treats, and goodies, that he was often rewarded with for being the best dog in the house.

Timmy was hoping the Amazon truck would show up because he asked his mom to get him some more Suction Construction Squigz toys, because he planned on being a Structural Engineer when he grew up.  Timmy could play with these toys while he was in the bathtub, or he could make them stick on walls, windows, or even the kitchen table.  Timmy’s mom felt that by playing with these toys, it would encourage her son’s creativity, build his fine motor skills, his interaction, and playful experimentation, so she was happy that he enjoyed them, especially since they wouldn’t leave any residue or marks on surfaces.  She could relax while his mind was engaged and since the pieces connect together easily and pop apart, she was wondering what her genius son would create with them.

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #136.

Behind Door Number

This is not Kevin Costner’s Field of Dreams, these are portholes to other dimensions, doors that can take you to a parallel universe, or an alternate reality.  One might call them stargates, or wormholes, but behind each door, space is warped and time means nothing.  I know what you are saying, “Jim you should lay off of that LSD”, but believe me, I am totally straight and this otherworldly experience will totally blow your mind.  Interdimensional travel is the ultimate trip and after doing this, I may never drop acid again.  This field is full of energetic hotspots because the doors were positioned on Ley Lines, making this whole area able to produce hyper-dimensional gateways.

Most of these portals are extremely volatile and unpredictable, and they open and close in the matter of an instant, but I found these markers, called x-points or electron diffusion regions, which allowed me to send probes in, so I could study them.  I know that you think all of this is science fiction, but ancient aliens used these portholes to build our pyramids.  The government has closed this field off to the public, because they feel the scientific value is too important to be interfered with and this site has been locked down tighter than Area 51.  The 7 extra dimensions mentioned in String Theory are just waiting to be discovered and we could find one or more of them behind any door.

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #135.

Good Choice

Stepford Wives on steroids are able to pop on a new face to suit their husband’s mood and today Angela is going to the country club for a luncheon, so she selected her conservative face.  Angela put on her happy face yesterday when her husband’s boss came over for dinner, the day before that she donned her bewildered face when she went out on a shopping excursion and she had her unemotional face on when her husband brought his girlfriend over.  Angela was mature enough to accept that her husband had certain needs that she wasn’t able to fulfill and this became an incentive for her to compete harder to get him back.  He is a billionaire, so he basically does what ever her wants and at least Angela knew what was going on and nobody was keeping secrets behind her back.  The first cut was the deepest but after that, Angela learned how to insulate herself from the pain, because she wanted her marriage to work.

She felt unloved, thinking that she was not good enough for him and that she was easily replaceable, because this must have been her fault.  She was worried when her husband told her that he was going to pursue a polyamorous relationship with this lady, but Angela realized that this girl was no better than she was, and she was only the girlfriend and Angela was his wife.  Angela blamed herself for settling into her role as wife, cook, organizer, and assistant and for neglecting some of his needs, as she fell into a routine.  She could still remember what it was like to be excited, getting butterflies every time that she saw him walk into the room.  The sex that her husband had with this new lady was exciting for him, but this honeymoon phase didn’t last, as they were never able to connect on a deeper level emotionally, thus they were deprived of not being worried about what each other would thinks of them.  They never got to the point of being madly in love with each other, so their sex was not always the hottest, as they were unfamiliar and ultimately this was not as fulfilling as the sex he had with Angela.

Angela figured that her husband’s infidelity was part of a midlife crisis, and that this woman that her husband met on Tinder was just a temporary interruption.  Angela figured that she could try and find another man that was more suitable for this woman.  Depending on their schedules this woman continued hooking up with her husband, but the sex they were having didn’t seem relevant to Angela, as it wasn’t changing anything about their relationship and how they felt about each other.  Angela knew that she couldn’t stop it, so she let her husband indulge in these occasional overnight romps.  Angela was biologically engineered for her husband and they had learned how to kiss, caress, cuddle, and talk about sex together.  Opening up their relationship to include an additional lover, forced Angela and her husband to do an extraordinary amount of additional communicating with each other and this led to them becoming more confident in their ability to share what they wanted, needed, and desired without jealousy or insecurity entering the picture.  Angela learned from the girlfriend and this lesson taught her that there isn’t much that she can’t work through with her husband.

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #134.

Circle Of Life

In the afternoon, three young boys decide to play in a pond.  The cool water feels good and they laugh as they splash each other.  A frog jumps in the water and the boys scramble to chase after it.  It gets away, but it is eaten by a snake.  Jimmy screams, “Let’s get out of here, before that snake bites us.”  George says, “Don’t be silly, it’s only a garter snake and it won’t harm you.”  Just then a hawk swooped down and grabbed the snake in its talons and flew off.  Joe splashed water on Jimmy and said, “At least we don’t have to worry about that snake anymore.”  Jimmy replied, “Seasons change and so do we, things are born and stuff dies.  We are heated by the sun and cooled by the water.  I dump water on you and you throw it right back in my face.  We can’t stop aging and one day we will no longer be interested in frogs and we will all try to kiss girls.  Some of them will break our hearts and leave us shattered in tears, but we will all still remain friends.”

George said, “Who are you and why do you act so weird”, as he splashed more water on Jimmy.  Jimmy cried out, “There is no me, as I am the product of my environment.  I see death all around me and my cousin just died of Covid, but everyone dies and you win some and you lose some, that is just the way life is.  It is not like I sleep in a coffin, but my thanatophobia comes from Thanatos himself, who is haunting my dreams.  As I struggle to understand dark matter and dark energy, I see the immanent doom of the universe flying apart and being disintegrated, in the upcoming apocalypse that I have no control over, so my dreams are stained with blackness.”  George splashed more water on Jimmy and he said, “You are not only weird, you are creepy.”

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #133.

I Like the View from Behind

Sally said, “Jake you are so slow, why don’t you try and catch up with me?”  Jake replied, “I am OK where I am”, knowing deep down that his eyes were automatically drawn to her tits or her ass all the time they were together.  Jake found Sally to be very attractive, but he couldn’t help objectifying any woman, as this was his thing and he just enjoyed watching any girl shake their stuff.  Jake could have caught up to Sally and today she was wearing lose running shorts that didn’t really show off her body shape, but that didn’t prevent him from fantasizing about her.  Jake actually thought that every girl that looked nice, wanted everyone to look at them, so that is what he did.  He knew that there is no excuse for a man to stare at a woman’s ass for prolonged periods of time, regardless of what she’s wearing, but he was a master at taking quick glances, and he practiced doing this whenever he saw the opportunity present itself.

Jake knew that he was immature, but he felt that a guy has to do what a guy has to do, and he was basically acting on instinct.  He didn’t see any harm in looking at a nice shapely ass, just taking a glimpse or two and then looking away.  Jake had no clue that this was inappropriate and it was not like he was ever going to do anything.  One time he got caught looking at this girl’s butt for a prolonged period of time and he started licking his lips and that girl called him a pervert, so now he is much more careful.  The worst thing that ever happened to Jake was when he fell off the tread mill at the Gym, because he was checking out this chick’s backside and that was really embarrassing.  It wasn’t just Sally’s ass that Jake was checking out, as he also enjoyed looking at her toned legs.  Jake reasoned that it was genetics that were responsible for making Sally’s appearance and body and what he imagined she could do with it, more attractive to him than her intelligence or any other of her assets, so he was satisfied by taking in the view.

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #132.

Do A Ditty

Here she comes, she is out walking her dog and shuffling her feet.  She looks really good, I think she is fine and pretty soon, I am going to lose my mind.  She makes my heart want to sing and even though I know that we will never be together, I am in love with her.  She doesn’t know me, but I watch her every day and I would love to lick every inch of the soles on her shoes.  I know that is a weird fetish, but it is my thing and we all have our own kinky ways of getting off.  The soles of her shoes are always very dirty when she comes back from walking her dog and the dirtier that they are, the better it would be for me.  I wonder if she would consider using me as her doormat and grind her heels into me so she can enter her house and not get her floors dirty.

I just want to be humiliated and brutally tortured by the woman of my desire and I would gladly suck on her toes if she let me.  Sniffing her sweaty feet and licking them is what I live for and I am nothing if I can’t be her slave.  I know that I am a loser and the only delight that I wish for is the opportunity to worship her stinky feet.  Maybe some day I will get the courage to sneak into her house and steal the odor eaters from her shoes so I could enjoy them with my Thanksgiving dinner.

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #131.

Isolated

It was only reachable by dog sled, ski mobile and a train that came once a month, so the people that lived on Little Siqiniq Adlartok, an Inuit village in Northern Alaska felt safe from the pandemic that was ravishing the rest of the world.  Their Republican governor Mike Dunleavy had just announced that there would be no travel restrictions and this made them all feel even more safe thinking that the worst was over.  Amaruq Yupik who was also known as Grey Wolf had just returned from serving overseas in Afghanistan and unbeknownst to him, he was carrying the Delta variant back to his people.  In this land of the midnight sun, they hold their Northern Lights festival every year and this is the blow out party that nobody ever misses, except for the children who are safely sleeping in their beds.  The party went on till the wee hours in the morning and Delta lived up to its reputation at this event, killing everyone in the village, except the children.

Delta spread from person to person being more transmissible than the common cold and influenza, as well as the viruses that cause Ebola, smallpox, MERS, and SARS, Ebola and they all contracted it, as it was as contagious as chickenpox.  The children woke up the next morning and found nobody was breathing, or had a pulse, so they knew that everyone was dead, even the Shaman.  Now that they were on their own, the eldest child who was only fifteen years old ordered everyone to put on masks and help him to bury all of the dead.  They had a bulldozer which they used to dig a mass grave and all of the bodies were dumped into the same hole.  It would be three more weeks before the train came back into town, but little Amaqjuaq whose name means the strong one kept saying that he could see dead people, which was making everyone depressed.

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #129.

Bipartisan Infrastructure Bill

It is crunch time for Joe Biden and this package is overwhelming because it is very broad, including a plan to address transportation, broadband utilities, child care, health care and climate change.  To me these sound like 5 different issues, but even if Biden gets this done, there will still be plenty of other issues left unresolved.  Firefighters decided last Friday that they needed to end their search for bodies at the site of a collapsed Florida condo building, but this issue shows how we desperately need to rebuild our infrastructure.  As things get old, they need to be repaired and supposedly this bill will create a bunch of new jobs that will get people back to work, and after all of the job losses that happened during the pandemic, this sounds like a good plan to me.  If Republicans and Democrats could just get along, then this county would be well on its way to making a recovery, which is urgently needed.

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #128.

Possibilities

So what, if it is a home for lizards, scorpions and snakes, and not even a cactus would dare to grow here, it is all mine.  I won this property playing 5 card stud and I probably had the worst hand that a person could probably be dealt.  There were five of us playing Professor Shark, Kid Thunder, Texas Molly, The Tooth and me and I bluffed my way into winning this pot.  They were all a bunch of ruthless scoundrels and Professor Shark wouldn’t give the time of day to his own mother.  Kid Thunder was a low life gun slinger and he actually carved notches in his guns to represent the people that he killed.  Texas Molly was morally unacceptable by anyone’s standards, an outcast that had no place in society and she was notorious for drinking cocktails and belching.  The Tooth aptly named after his gold front tooth which didn’t do anything to improve his appearance had that evil smile that could stop an 8-day clock and he was indeed an ugly guy.

You have all seen The Cincinnati Kid with Steve McQueen playing 5 card stud, so there is no need for me to explain the rules.  The first card is dealt down and I got a three of diamonds, as my hole card and you bet on every card or else you drop out of the game.  The next three are dealt face up and I got a 5, 6 and 7 of spades, so this may have looked good to the others, but I thought it was a pretty shit hand.  The others were wondering if I was going to pull off a straight flush, a flush, a straight and from their prospective, I could still have three of a kind, or a pair.  I stayed in this game putting my anti up after each card and I was looking to pull off an inside straight.

Professor Shark had a pair of 8s showing and nobody else looked like they had anything good with their face cards, so Kid Thunder and Texas Molly had dropped out of the pot before the last card was drawn.  The Tooth wanted to stay in the game and he asked if he could put up this deed to cover his bet and Professor Shark and I both looked ant each other and said why the hell not.  I needed a four of any suit to pull off my straight and the last card was dealt down and dirty.  I looked at my card and it was a stinking 2 and this may have been the lousiest hand that I was ever dealt.  The call went to The Tooth and he must have gotten nada and he folded, leaving me to stay in or drop.  I realized that this was the perfect bluff hand, as from what everyone else saw, it had lots of possibilities.  I raised the limit of $500 and this was too steep for Professor Shark as he also folded.

I never let anyone see my cards even though they all wondered what kind of hand I had, so I just give them a smile which let them know that since they didn’t pay to see, then they would never know.  I won three grand in that pot plus the deed for this property and I am thinking about getting a trailer to park out here and I will call this my hideaway.  I think that this place has some possibilities.

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #127.

Extinction Was a Matter of Time

Manchurians, those occupants of north China had been meddling with Mongol tribes’ political affairs for a long time.  Revenge was on their minds and they would accept nothing less than blood for payment.  Genghis Khan may have been the model used to create the character Conan the Barbarian as he once said, “Man’s highest joy is in victory: to conquer one’s enemies; to pursue them; to deprive them of their possessions; to make their beloved weep; to ride on their horses; and to embrace their wives and daughters.”  The Mongol army was the dominant military force of the 13th century.  It was never very large, relying on its superior tactics and speed, it became one massive well-disciplined cavalry which moved rapidly, adapted quickly to changing situations and followed complex battle strategies.

Trouble was eminent and when Wanyan Yongji, the mighty emperor of the Jin, taunted Genghis Khan by sending him a message that said, “Our empire is as vast as the sea, and yours is but a handful of sand.  How can we fear you?”  The Jin were protected by the Great Wall, and they had gunpowder, catapults and an enormous army.  In 1211, the Mongol soldiers marched through the snow past the two towers of the nearby mountains and they headed for the Juyongguan Pass.  Khan came up with this brilliant battle plan, where he deceived the Jin into thinking that he was attacking them directly, but this was only done to lure the Jin soldiers out on the battle field.  After several small-scale strikes, the Mongol soldiers threw down their weapons, left their horses and escaped.  As expected, the Jin soldiers on guard left the pass to chase them.  Suddenly, numerous Mongol soldiers appeared from nearby mountains and surrounded the Jin soldiers, defeated them and captured Juyongguan Pass.

Genghis Khan’s army was a brutal, destructive force, and they were known for pillaging, plundering and killing on an epic scale.  Genghis Khan believed that he was destined to rule the world, but he never lived to see the fall of the Jin, much less the conquest of all of China, however after two decades of conflict his grandson Kublai Khan completely annihilated the Jin.

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #126.