Does This Make Me Look Fat?

Every husband needs to learn how to be delicate when his wife asks him a sensitive question, or else this situation could turn into a nightmare and she will and refuse to speak with him for the rest of the day, as a way of punishing him.  When my wife asked me if her pants made her ass look fat, I told her, “That all depends on what you want to hear.  A lot of guys like a big booty, but since my name is not Sir Mix-A-Lot, that is not my style, as sometimes more doesn’t actually mean better.  I am not certain when rears replaced breasts, but I think that you have a lot more going for you than just a pushed-out tush.  I think that this fetish has a prehistoric influence that was derived from pregnant women being able to shift their center of gravity forward, so they could balance their weight over the hips.  This made them more efficient at foraging during pregnancy, so men desired these women as mates.”  My wife got mad at me and said, “Why can’t you just answer a simple question and do that without over-analyzing everything?”  I replied, “If you really want me to come right out and say you’ve gained weight, that will probably put me in the doghouse, but the simple answer is that sure as you’re born, those pants do make your ass look fat.  Let me be totally honest with you, if those pants were any tighter, and you had to pick up something that you dropped, they might be ripped right off of you.”

Written for Wednesday Thoughts where the phrase this week is “Sure As You’re Born”.

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