It’s in the Hole!

Carl Spackler is a lifelong looper another term for a caddie, as loop refers to playing a round of golf at a golf club, where they have caddies to carry the member’s golf bags.  He carries the golf bags for amateur golfers who play the game for enjoyment and the challenges it presents.  Carl says that he once got the opportunity to be a looper at a course over in the Himalayas when he went to Tibet.  He passed himself off as a professional caddy and they let him carry the golf bag of the Dalai Lama, himself, the twelfth son of the Lama.  He was dressed in these flowing robes, and Carl gave him the driver on the first tee.  The Lama who was known to be a big hitter, hauls off and whacks one, a very long drive, that goes into a ten-thousand-foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier.  After they finish the eighteenth hole, Carl gets this feeling that the Lama is gonna stiff him (not pay him his fair share), so he approaches the Lama and says, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.”  The Lama replies, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness”, and that satisfied Carl.

Carl is a story teller and he loves to talk like he is the sports color commentator giving comments on the play-by-play action and filling in with things that come off the top of his head.  Carl enjoys entertaining himself as he practices his golf swing by whacking the heads off of mums and making the pedals fly like confetti, of course when there are no golfers around to see his destruction.  He envisions himself working as a greenskeeper at Augusta, golf’s most-hallowed ground, where somehow, he made it into the big tournament for the green jacket.  He is this unknown who comes out of nowhere to lead the pack and Carl’s story starts off when he’s on his final hole.  He’s about 455 yards away on this par 4, and Carl is not exactly sure what club he selects, but the normally reserved Augusta crowd is standing on its feet, and going wild.  They are all cheering for this young Cinderella who’s come out of nowhere, and Carl is admiring his back swing.  His first shot only goes 105 yards, so he is still about 350 yards away, and then he hits one that flies 155 yards and he is still 195 yards out, but he seems to be pleased with his chances.  Carl states that the crowd is still on their feet as he demolishes another mum.  With tears in his eyes and the crowd being deadly silent, this former greenskeeper has a chance to become the Master’s champion, and he knocks his next shot into the hole for a birdie, as Carl blasts another mum to smithereens, he shouts, “it’s in the hole!”

It is obvious that Carl Spackler is full of shit, but he does work as a greenskeeper for the Bushwood Country Club, where the head greenskeeper wants him to kill all of the gophers, because they are digging up the grass.  Carl lives on the golf course grounds in a ramshackle place where he smokes a lot of sensimilla grass, which he likes to shotgun down.  His home is full of sod, which is used to fill in the holes made by the gophers and he is working on a new hybrid that is a mixture of Kentucky bluegrass, blended with featherbed bent and northern California sensimilla.  It is supposed to be this amazing stuff, that allows you to play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, then you can take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus on this stuff at night.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Photo Challenge #393 hosted by weejars aka Sarah where today she is using a photo by Michael Mehrhoft.

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