We Need to Talk

“I don’t think you sufficiently appreciate everything that I do for you”, Sue said to her husband Jerry, “and you need to cut down on watching so much TV and drinking beer all the time.  I really don’t understand how anyone could watch those same stupid shows every day and I think that are damaging your brain.  I am so tired of those old Black and White westerns that you watch and if I hear that theme ‘Paladin, paladin, where do you roam’, or ‘Keep them dogies rollin’, rawhide’ one more time, I am going to scream.”  Jerry started singing, “Through rain and wind and weather, Hell bent for leather, wishing’ my gal was by my side.  These old shows make me feel like I am back in a time when the ideology that I believe in was delineated clear-cut between right and wrong and people followed basic laws and had codes of honor.  The heroes were all tough guys and they rode their horses out in wide-open spaces and that still appeals to me.”

Sue said, “I am sorry that you lost your job due to the pandemic, but I am trying to better myself and you are just becoming more of a couch potato.  I started doing these Kegel exercises every day, three times a day and they are as much for your benefit, as they are for mine.  My bladder had weakened from pregnancy, and childbirth, and our third child was such a large baby that I needed a cesarean section (C-section) to get him out.  On top of that normal aging, excessive straining from constipation and chronic coughing, and being overweight all resulted in my incontinence issue.  My doctor told me that I may need surgery for a vaginal prolapse, as he thought my uterus was starting to slip down and protrude out, so he suggested that these exercises could restore my self-confidence and boost my sexual pleasure.  They are not just for women and they could help you with that farting issue that you have.

The Kegels are supposed to enhance my sexual experiences, because the muscles involved in this exercise are responsible for the contractions that are felt during climax, thus this should make my orgasms more intense and by amplifying the sensations of my sexual arousal, it should make it easier for me to reach climax during sex.  This rhythmic clenching and unclenching of the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles are supposed to help me relax my pelvic muscles during intercourse, making the sex which we stopped having more pleasurable.  Although Kegel exercises won’t actually tighten my vagina, they will tone and strengthen my vaginal muscles, allowing me to get a tighter grip during intercourse and the more intense contractions during orgasm will get more blood flowing to this region.  I can even do Kegels during sex, which I think you might enjoy.”  Jerry hit the record button on his DVR and then shut off Wagon Train and he grabbed Sue and said, “I want to show you how much I appreciate you.”

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter #9.

10 thoughts on “We Need to Talk

  1. It’s probably a bit too ‘earthy’ for some of your readers is all. And. It aired after I went ‘off air’ so to speak, so I didn’t get to read it until this morning. Interesting perspective on kegels BTW. 😏

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      1. No, I wasn’t offended. It’s scientific after all, and while a lot of Utahans have big hang ups about S.E.X. and their bodies, I’m not one. Plus I never had any sisters and therefore grew up with brothers. My parents were fairly casual about walking around in their underwear too, so eh. If someone is offended, it’s probably best if they keep quiet.

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