Irreversible Decision

Most people have never met someone who is transgender, so it can be hard for them to understand this lifestyle.  Transgender people have switched their gender identity so it differs from their biological sex, which is based on their genitals.  Most people who transition to another gender do not have second thoughts because in their brain, they were born transgender and they feel that the gender identity they have chosen is their real gender, because the genitals that they were given at birth were incorrect.  Being transgender is not something that you catch from infected people, nor are you socially conditioned to be transgender.  It doesn’t happen often, but there is something called retransitioning, or detransitioning where people decide to reverse their transition.

Lauren was born a girl and she was not uncomfortable as a child, but that changed when she became an adolescent.  She didn’t seem to fit in with the other girls and at 14, she realized that she was attracted to other girls.  She enjoyed doing the fun things that boys did, but she didn’t want to be a boy, she just wanted to be neutral.  Her breasts were always a problem as a lot of men desired her for her boobs, thinking that she was sexy and they were always hitting on her.  At 15, Lauren believed becoming a woman might limit her choices in life.  All of the unwanted male attention and the discomfort she felt with her female body made her come out as being a bisexual, but she actually thought of herself as a lesbian.  Lauren was miserable and she felt like she was being pushed to decide between transitioning into a man, or committing suicide.  After doing her research, she decided to take the first step into becoming a transgender man.  Lauren got a prescription for testosterone and after she had a mastectomy, she started calling herself Larry.

Larry was assured by the doctor who he trusted that everything would be completely reversible, which ended up being a big crock of shit.  Transitioning to a male was not all that it was cracked up to be as Larry was still suicidal, and he developed an eating disorder.  Larry was passing as a man, and nobody guessed that he was a trans, but he still had all of these mixed feelings inside his head about his life and how everything changed.  He was never fully comfortable being a transgender man and he had to block out all these memories of his childhood when he was a girl.  Dating never worked for him, because he was not comfortable with his new body.  Now that he was a man, he was no longer interested in women and he became attracted to men and started identifying himself as a pansexual.

Larry found this dating site where this guy Oliver was looking for romance with another transgender man, and they hit it off right away.  Oliver had grown up as Olivia, so they had many things in common and eventually they moved in together as a couple.  They had many had intense discussions about their own identities and Oliver started to question whether he was really transgender, which made Larry also have doubts.  They had each other and they both decided to stop taking the hormone injections just to see what would happen to their bodies and face things that they felt they were now ready for.  Several months into their detransitioning, they are now living out their lives as females again and lesbian lovers, which their friends and family are happy about.  It has been a long journey for them and that still may be in-between being happy and normal, but neither one has any regrets about the choices they made.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Nekneeraj’s Photo Challenge #365 that uses a photo by Veerendra on

17 thoughts on “Irreversible Decision

    1. Thanks Peter. The girl in the photo seemed to be contemplating something and I made the story about her second guessing her decision on gender change, and after that the rest was easy.

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  1. A quibble.

    “biological sex, which is based on their genitals”

    Well… not so simple. Better term for that is “morphological” sex. You could also call it phenotypical sex, sex that is based on readily observable characteristics.

    But in a *biological* sense, sex is based on the presence or absence of a Y chromosome. If I clone you, the Y will propagate and not any physical changes you have undergone.

    For about forever, the words gender and sex were considered synonymous. In fact, when talking about male v. female, gender was often preferred for the physical state because sex had the alternate meaning of intercourse and could be confusing. Because of the dual meaning, gender was also considered the more “polite” term of the two.

    The transgender community is trying to redefine gender as a psychological state while leaving sex as the physical state. It has caught on in some circles but most people still use it to define a physical state. People still refer to gender reveal parties and not sex reveal parties.

    I don’t know how the definitions will swing in the future but I have no problem with distinguishing between gender and sex as having distinct meanings. Words evolve. For others, it is a point of extremely bitter contention that brightly marks a divide in our current culture wars.

    I have a couple of trans friends and back in the 80s (!!!) I took a trans gal to a Disneyland – twice. To me, they are just fellow humans whose feelings I would not want to hurt.

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  2. Interesting. I’ve known (online) one transgendered individual and known of another via a cyber friend (his brother underwent the change). Can’t say that I personally ‘get it”. But I understand a little in that the whole issue is identification with one’s body type. I’ve heard and read that many transgendered (maybe all of them) feel their bodies are wrong somehow and they identify strongly with the other gender. I’ve always been female, but I always felt female if that makes sense. I wouldn’t trade for all the testosterone in the world. I imagine it must be hell to feel you are trapped in the wrong body though. Oddly enough (in a sense) I was watching a TV show last night that dealt with the idea of transgender and included a couple of characters who were. These things seem to cluster sometimes. O_o Good job with the story though and a nice happy ending!

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  3. Very difficult thing to go through, feeling confused, making a decision maybe before your truly ready. Its all very difficult, im just glad to read that things worked out for them in the end. That’s why i dedicate my life to living out, and building body suits for people who feel like they are in the wrong body without actually having to go through surgeries. if you support transgenders which it sounds like you do. please help donate, help me build bodies so people can be more patient before making life changing decisions like surgery.

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