Jake stuck his thumb out on the side of the road waiting for something to emerge from the tunnel up ahead. He had no particular place to go and he seemed to be in his own private Idaho wearing his hood up, oblivious to the abandoned wrecked cars that were on both sides of the road. How he didn’t notice that bright light coming from the flying saucer directly overhead, just shows what a spaceman he truly was. The aliens on the ship called down to him, “Go into the light Jake, we have a surprise for you.” Jake was perplexed, not about the alien ship, but about how they knew his name. He said to the aliens, “I heard about you guys and your fondness for proctology instruments and I don’t want any part of that, as mine is an exit only.”
The aliens beamed Jake aboard their ship and told him that no harm would come to him and that he was selected, because they felt he was not living up to his full potential. They told Jake that he could be so much more that a vagabond that wonders around from place to place and that they could take him to see things that he never even dreamed of. The only thing was that he would have to agree to be their pet for the rest of his life and then they would take care of his every need. Jake said, “So you are telling me that you can get me all the dope and girls that I want.” The aliens shook their heads and said, “No problem and you can have all that and so much more. If you want a treat to eat, we will get you what ever you desire, but first you must go through some training to learn how to beg properly, as we find humans who can do that to be so cute.