House That Jack Built

All work and no play made Jack a dull boy, but eventually he became a jack of all trades, however he was a master of none.  Jack had no life and he saw a chance at a better future when he won this empty lot in a game of blackjack and he decided to build a home on this property and then flip it to make a profit.  He wanted a girl who would enjoy balling the jack quicker than you could say Jack Robinson, but his future looked dismal and he would probably remain single, unless he could turn his life around.  He had to maximize this house and make it a four bedroom with at least two bathrooms so he could list it as being a mini mansion.  The house was situated two feet from the property line, and the neighbors on both sides of this house were just five feet beyond it.  The rooms were all small and the closets were tiny and there were lots of stairs to climb.

The neighbors protested that Jack was ruining everything in the neighborhood with this box shaped house, because it lacked any type of style and it was certain to lower their property values.  The walls were thin, which would raise the cost of heating and cooling and also allow all the neighbors to hear every word in any argument.  The ceilings were low and Jack thought this would work to save on energy, but the house did not have that wow factor, it was an eyesore, as it was almost completely lacking any windows.  Jack eventually sold the house and the whole neighborhood celebrated because they would not need to see that jack off any more.  One of them wrote a poem about the house.

This is the house that Jack built.
This is the cheese that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the rat that ate the cheese
That lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the cat
That killed the rat that ate the cheese
That lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the dog that worried the cat
That killed the rat that ate the cheese
That lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That killed the rat that ate the cheese
That lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That killed the rat that ate the cheese
That lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the man all tattered and torn
That kissed the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That killed the rat that ate the cheese
That lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the judge all shaven and shorn
That married the man all tattered and torn
That kissed the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That killed the rat that ate the cheese
That lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the rooster that crowed in the morn
That woke the judge all shaven and shorn
That married the man all tattered and torn
That kissed the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That killed the rat that ate the cheese
That lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the farmer sowing his corn
That kept the rooster that crowed in the morn
That woke the judge all shaven and shorn
That married the man all tattered and torn
That kissed the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That killed the rat that ate the cheese
That lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the horse and the hound and the horn
That belonged to the farmer sowing his corn
That kept the rooster that crowed in the morn
That woke the judge all shaven and shorn
That married the man all tattered and torn
That kissed the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That killed the rat that ate the cheese
That lay in the house that Jack built.

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #46.

9 thoughts on “House That Jack Built

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