Caller ID has been around for years, but now the caller ID can be displayed on the television screen, saving you the hassle of getting up and looking at the phone display. So many pests call all the time and if I don’t know them, I let it go to the answering machine that is incorporated in the phone service. I have signed up with the National Do Not Call Registry, but sometimes I still get calls from people that I don’t want to speak with and if it displays a toll free number, I figure it is one of those scammers and miscreants that just won’t quit. Those unwanted robot calls, or robocalls are such a pain, always interrupting me when I want to relax.
I hate telemarketers and I am probably not alone on this, as they are the scum of the earth. I reached a point where I stopped answering the phone anymore, then one night when there was nothing to watch on TV, I decided to pick up the phone, so I could waste the telemarketers’ time. I was going to make this a fun game, offering nonsense answers to their questions, and see if I could outlast them, keeping them on the line for as long as I could. The call that I answered was from an IRS scammer who told me that I filed my taxes with an error and that I owed money which needed to be paid immediately, or else they would issue a federal warrant for my arrest. He also threatened to cancel my driver’s license and freeze my bank accounts and take away all of my properties.
Many taxpayers have encountered individuals impersonating IRS officials, but the IRS initiates most contacts through regular mail delivered by the United States Postal Service and although in special circumstances the IRS may call your phone, that will not happen until the IRS has sent you several letters in the mail first. I knew right away that this was a scam as the IRS will never demand an immediate payment or threaten to have you arrested. The guy on the phone sounded like a Nigerian and that made me know for sure that he was a scammer.
I told the guy that I was done paying taxes and I demanded that he come to my house and arrest me immediately for civil disobedience, as I was tired of supporting myself and I wanted to be locked away in a nice cozy government prison cell. I told the guy if he was planning on confiscating any of my property or getting funds from my bank accounts, that he better hurry, as I was planning on transferring everything to the Cayman Islands and I thanked him for the warning. I told him that my driver’s license was suspended for DWI and that he could have it because it was worthless to me. I asked him if the IRS had opened up a new office in Nigeria and I told him that he should get a real life and stop trying to cheat people. Then I played Ella Fitzgerald ‘Cry Me A River’ for him.
Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Sunday Writing Prompt “Phone Call”.