I Can’t Tell A Lie

  1. Can a woodchuck chuck more wood than a woodpecker can peck?
    That is ridiculous, as the woodchuck is lazy and they don’t have an opposing thumb so they can’t even grab a piece of wood to chuck it, whereas the woodpecker pecks to get his food and they can peck all day long.
    2. If you put something where the Sun does not shine, where did it go?
    The old maid drank ice-cold lemonade that she stirred with a spade, and then she hid it in the shade to keep it from being warmed by the Sun.
    3. What did Columbus say when he landed in the New World?
    Why oh why oh did I ever come to Ohio.
    4. Why was Nero playing his fiddle when Rome burned?
    Nero was practicing for his new play As The World Burns.
    5. If you are retired, can you still observe Labor Day?
    Yes as long as I don’t go into labor that day.
    6. Where did the Amazons come from?
    The Amazons were magical people who came from the land of Abra Cadabra, but the other tribes around this area started confusing their name with “Cadaver” and since they didn’t want to be known as zombies, they changed their name to the Amazons.
    7. Who started the Trojan War?
    The Indian rubber man.
    8. Since corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, where does baby oil come from?
    Baby oil is made by mixing petroleum jelly with coconut oil.
    9. Why is the man who invests all of your money called a broker?
    That is because nobody ever trusts them and the name smart ass was already taken.
    10. The #2 pencil seems to be the most popular, so why doesn’t someone invent a #1 pencil?
    It has been done, but they found out that the #1 pencil was the saddest experience and it was worse than two.

11. If there was an Eighth Dwarf along with Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Sneezy and Sleepy, what would his name be?
Big Ben.
12. Why are zebras striped?
Zebras developed stripes due to a genetic defect that helped them to elude lions who chased after them. When the lions saw this striped animal they were not able to judge how fast they were going, or if they were speeding up or slowing down, so the ones with the stripes got away and this motion confusion defect eventually became a dominate gene.
13. If the Love Bug hadn’t been a Volkswagen beetle, what would it have been?
A pink Cadillac.
14.Why aren’t we on Cloud 10 when we’re happy?
When you reach cloud 10, you pass out and die.
15. Why do we draw curtains?
To see the Wizard of Oz.
16. What is the difference between cottage pie and shepherd’s pie?
It is all in the gravy.
17. Are wine gums alcoholic?
Wine gums do not contain wine, but they may be infused with marijuana.
18. What’s the best way to diet?
Putting up mirrors on every wall and getting a parrot that says, “Stop eating so much you big fatty” all the time.
19. What is a homonym?
Homonyms are sets of words that make no sense, like when you barely get started to bare your feelings, but it has already become too much to bear.
20. Why do witches always seem to wear stripey socks?
It goes best with their pointed hats.

Written for Fibbing Friday by Di at pensitivity101.

24 thoughts on “I Can’t Tell A Lie

      1. Thanks Phyllis. I heard about that show Would I Lie to You and it does sound funny, but I have never seen it. I read that contestants have to bluff about their deepest secrets and others try to find out which ones are true.

        Like

      2. That’s it. It’s absolutely hilarious. 2 of the main characters are comedians and they keep the show going, but it often has me laughing until tears run down my face and my sides ache. I am so enjoying it!

        Liked by 1 person

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