The Talk

Carl a 10 year old boy with blonde hair woke his younger 9 year old brother Joe up and said, “Dad wants to give us the talk tonight, before we start our summer vacation.”  The brown haired Joe said, “What do you mean by ‘the talk’?”  Carl said, “Sex you dummy!”  Joe said sarcastically, “Do I need to explain sex to him?”  Carl said, “Stop being such a wise ass, you just have to listen and try not to make him feel too embarrassed or uncomfortable.”  Joe said, “First I am a dummy and then I am a wise ass, can’t you make up your mind?”  Carl said, “Just make sure that you are around when Dad gets home tonight.”

At 5 PM Mr. Jones arrived at his house and Carl and Joe were waiting inside for him.  Carl said, “Hi Dad, how was work today”?  His dad replied, “Same stuff different day although I did have to handle multifarious tasks today.”  Carl said, “Dad, Joe and I already know everything there is about sex, our school gives out free condoms, so you can skip the sex talk because it is not necessary.”  Mr. Jones said, “Who said anything about a sex talk, I wanted to talk to you about the 2020 census that we will have to participate in next year.  I am actually not the father to either one of you boys and I have no idea who your real parents are and you guys are not really brothers.  Carl I found you frozen up in the arctic and it seems like you may have been part of some forgotten Nazi experiment.  Joe, I found you a year later in the Himalayas and you were inside an alien space craft.

I adopted both of you and I am sorry that I told you that your mother died, but I thought that would be the best way for you boys to handle it till you became older.  I have had some girlfriends, but I never tied the knot with anyone.  When they launch the 2020 census, we need to get our stories straight, as they may include questions about citizenship status.  You are both my legally adopted sons and the joy of my life.  I have been a citizen since I was born in 1987, so that makes both of you citizens.”  Carl said, “Dad why are you trying to scramble my brain with this Nazi nonsense?  I can’t be a Nazi as they were all evil.”

Mr. Jones said, “Don’t worry Carl we will take this secret to the grave with us, but I just thought that you should know.”  Joe said, “If I am an alien, then do I have any superpowers?”  His Dad replied, “How the hell should I know that, I found your spaceship buried under an avalanche when I was chasing an opossum for my dinner.”

Written for Sheryl’s Daily Word Prompt – Multifarious, for the Daily Spur prompt – 1987, for FOWC with Fandango – Scramble, for Ragtag Community – Knot, for Paula’s Three Things Challenge – Joy launch opossum and for Word of the Day Challenge Prompt – Vacation.

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