My Wacky Family

We are an odd bunch, as I am a member of the Addams Family and most people say that I am an oddball.  Everyone calls me Uncle Fester and ever since my niece Morticia Frump married Gomez Addams they have let me live with them and they all have made me feel like I am one of the family.  I have these dark circles around my eyes that make me look a bit scary and along with my big belly, my bald head, my deranged smile and those lose fitting black priest-like robes that I wear, some people actually consider me to be creepy.  I have the ability to generate electricity and I can illuminate a light bulb when I put it in my mouth.  I often stick my head in a screw press and tighten it for fun, I like to stretch my body out on a rack to relax my back and I also enjoy blowing things up with dynamite.

Despite my menacing look and what some people consider to be bizarre behavior, I am gentle and caring especially to my great-nephew Pugsley, my great-niece Wednesday and I always get along well with Grandmama who is Morticia and Ophelia’s mother and my dear sister Hester Frump.  It is strange how things change in life, as originally Morticia was supposed to get married to Gomez’s cousin Vlad Addams and Ophelia was going to marry Gomez, but Vlad choked on a toothpick and at his funeral Ophelia met Cousin Itt and she ran off with him, which prompted Gomez to propose to Morticia and they got married.  Gomez always enjoys kissing Morticia up and down her arm when she speaks French or calls him bubeleh.  Cousin Itt is mostly inarticulate and he is the total opposite of me, as I don’t have a hair on my body and he is hairy high and low letting his hair fly in the breeze and get caught in the trees.

We have a very tall 6 foot nine inch and gloomy butler, who we call Lurch and I am not sure if he actually has a first name or not.  He tidies up the place with a feather duster and is known for saying, “You rang” with his deep, resonant voice.  Lurch is close friends with the disembodied hand, Thing.  Thing whose precise nature is not understood performs various useful functions for the family, and can be viewed as a sort of a hand servant that emerges from a series of boxes.  Thing has a talent for fetching the mail, handing cigars to Gomez and then lighting them, changing the channel on the TV set, holding Morticia’s wool while she knits, turning grapes into wine and turning over records on the phonograph, particularly when Gomez and Morticia would dance the tango.  I will forever be remembered in the song, “The Addams Family started, When Uncle Fester farted, They all became retarded, The Addams Family!”

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Sunday Writing Prompt where we are supposed to write about “our own wacky and weird family” hosted by Yves.

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