We Are Flatlanders

On this day April 19, 2019 Melanie B Cee has put on her pointed cap again, but I am not calling her a dunce or a witch, although if I see her flying around on a broom, then I will change my tune, hey that rhymes.  Some of my former teachers made me sit in the corner as a punishment, but I was never compelled to wear a dunce cap.  Most of my punishments consisted of me having to write 100 times on the blackboard, “I shall not chew gum in class”.  Stupid petty punishment as it never even helped me to improve my handwriting skills.  Actually these questions have nothing to do with Melanie, they are from Teresa Grabs (aka The Haunted Wordsmith) and her Fibbing Friday post and I thought I would give them a whirl.

  1. Those aren’t chemtrails or clouds…what are they?
  2. Obviously the Earth isn’t round, but it isn’t flat either…what shape is it?
  3. Salmonella doesn’t come from chicken…what does it come from?
  4. Aliens were found in Roswell, but they weren’t taken to Area 51…where were they taken?
  5. Trump was ordained, but by who?
  6. Mars does hold life, but they aren’t martians…what are they?
  7. The internet is spying on you, but who/what is behind it?
  8. We don’t create TV shows…what are TV shows really?
  9. Social media really does erode personalities, but what is the purpose of doing that?
  10. IKEA really is a trap…what is the mystery that keeps people there?

My answers:

  1. Those trails left behind from a jet airplane streaking across the sky always mesmerized me as a child, but I have moved on to studying entrails as there is so much more that we can learn from them. I have become a haruspex trained to practice a form of divination that involves the inspection of the sacrificed animal entrails in order to read omens for the future.
  2. Our Earth is a three dimensional sphere, but from space this truly global picture of the third dimension is not seen and Earthlings become Flatlanders. Human beings, living in a three-dimensional world, can easily recognize two dimensional objects like triangles, squares and other polygons of our Flatland, which are only lines. When Earth is viewed from the fourth or a higher dimension it is possible to catch glimpses of the true nature of three-dimensional objects and to see their relationships to one another. The mathematical journey into the fourth dimension starts with a point, a zero-dimensional object having no length, breadth, or height. A point stretches into a line, which in turn sweeps out a square, which then balloons into a cube, or if you started with a circle this becomes a sphere. Once a line forms, at each succeeding stage, the figure expands in a new direction at right angles to those directions already defined. I hope that I cleared this up for everyone.
  3. It does not take the wisdom of Solomon, or the wizards Saruman and Sauron for everyone to know that salmonella comes from salmon.
  4. The aliens that were captured at Roswell were ground up and made into crop circles.
  5. I am pretty sure that Trump was ordained by either some dumb Republican, or a stripper, or by Vladimir Putin.
  6. At one time Mars did have Martins, but like the aliens at Roswell they were also ground up and mixed with gin, vermouth and olives.
  7. Internet spying is the result of malicious Keystroke logging software that Russian hackers have installed on your computer to keep an eye on what you are writing about. They also take control of your cam in hope that they can catch you watching porn.
  8. TV shows are the dreams that Mr. Ed had after he rubbed Jeanie’s lamp.
  9. Social media exists to make everyone agree with the nonsense spouted out on Twitter by that orange dude.
  10. People get trapped inside of IKEA, because it is built like a maze and there is a lot of smelly cheese there.

Written for Fibbing Friday.

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