My hair is important to me and most people are born with about 100,000 scalp hair follicles to start with, and on average, people lose about 50 to 100 hairs per day, also about 100 hair roots a day are supposed to make a fresh start, but that is not the case for me, as every day I seem to have a lot less than the day before. It is hard to believe that this is the latest non-evasive trend is hair restoration, but I have reached a point where I am willing to try almost anything. I have already tried almost everything except surgery and I guess hair plugs are next, if this contraption doesn’t work out for me. Neither Minoxidil or Rogaine have done anything for my receding hairline and it seems that nothing that I know of is 100% effective. I figured that I would rub this goop into my scalp and sit back and watch my hair grow fuller and denser, so my girlfriend could run her fingers through it and be happy. I have even tried acupuncture, but I saw no improvement.
I am delighted that I have come across this new medical therapy treatment, called Dango’s Damn Machine, which is supposed to deliver some of world’s most technologically advanced laser hair growth, which I can enjoy from the comfort of my own home. The individual laser lights target my hair follicles and establish a new photonic pathway from each sebaceous gland directly to my brain that should restore my hair to a healthy state. I don’t know this Dango guy from Adam, but I saw his picture and he has a full head of hair and he claims that he was once almost completely bald.
This bizarre contraption also incorporates vibrators along with the lasers and it is guaranteed to work in three weeks or less, or else you can get half of your money refunded. The vibrators are supposed to be like having hundreds of artificial fingers giving your scalp a gentle message while you sleep. This will stimulate the circulation of blood to reverse baldness by improving hair growth and slowing hair loss and if it doesn’t grow hair, it will give your bald head a youthful glow. The hair and scalp vibrators also periodically send out an arc of sparks, so caution is urged when using this device. For an extra $300 Dango also has a vacuum device which he claims will remove oil from your hair follicles and this works on an anti-gravity principle which you will not be able to put down.
444 words written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #5.