Aliens WTF?

I guess there is some good news as they said that I am free of hemorrhoids and that my prostate is only slightly enlarged. They parked their spaceship by this grain silo and then they tied me up to this giant wheel and made me bend over. Technologically they are a superior species with their ability to navigate worm holes, but I will never understand why they are motivated to probe the human rectum with their proctology instruments, as one would think that they could spent their time doing something more productive.  This is really not the best way to make friends.  I was glad that they were able to get that done so quickly and I guess that comes with experience, as they say practice makes perfect.

When we got back on the ship we walked past this statue of what looked like a Roman river god and it was remarkable how much it looked like Tiberinus.  I was sure that this was a statue but its eyes moved as I walked past it and it actually said, “What do you think that you are looking at?”  I was real shocked, but also happy that it was able to speak English, as the aliens only made these beeping sounds, so I responded by asking, “Are you the one who found the twins Romulus and Remus?”  The statue said, “Yes and I also helped Aeneas when he arrived in Italy after the fall of Troy.”  The statue asked me my name and how old I was and I told it that I am Bob and that I am 22.  The statue opened up its mouth and told me that I must stick my hand inside before I answer his questions, as that was the only way that it could tell if my answers were true.  It said that if my answers were false that it would bite off my hand.  I poked it in the eyes and told it to bite me.

I guess the kitchen was the next stop on the tour was the kitchen, as I saw some tables and chairs and these odd looking eating utensils.  I was getting thirsty and I saw a pitcher sitting nearby that had a sign on it that said Gravi-tea, but I changed my mind after taking a whiff of it and also because I did not see any of those aliens washing their hands after giving me that inspection earlier.  I saw some corn dogs which did look tempting, but I decided against them also because of the sign in front of them that said 50 Starbucks.

The last thing that I remember seeing on the spaceship was this Jacuzzi where it looked like Buddha was soaping up his belly while talking to C3PO.  I thought that I was losing my mind when they started singing Rub-a-dubdub and then C3PO said that he was glad that the disgusting wookiee did not join them this time.  Then Buddha said, “Raise your words not your voice it is rain that grows flowers not thunder.”  I knew that this particular quote was from Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī and that made me wonder exactly how smart Buddha actually was.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Sunday Writing Prompt “Collage Prompt #41

10 thoughts on “Aliens WTF?

  1. What a refreshingly brilliant piece Jim. The rectal examination is because they think that is where our brains are, they conclude this as we sit a lot and so must be protecting our brains…its a reasonable logic I think. Though its always a bonus knowing we are free of hemorrhoids. Buddha’s intelligence no matter how much we might question it still comes out slightly more than our own and an infinite amount more than your elected President.

    Liked by 2 people

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