Strange, dark imagery enters my mind all the time. Last night it felt like a large black scorpion was eating my brain and I can still see its creepy dark shadow lurking around everywhere I look. This is obviously quite disturbing and these dark thoughts have followed me since I became homeless. I had been staying at my sister’s house after I left my wife and lost my home in the divorce settlement. I fought with my sister because she got mad that I was not working and that I had spent all of my retirement money, so I moved out to the homeless shelter, but I could not stand it there and I decided to just live in my car.
I am dead broke and I don’t even have enough money to declare bankruptcy. I have so many issues to deal with that it has become impossible for me to cope with any of them. I told my girlfriend that I was parking in the Wal-Mart parking lot, because they are open 24 hours a day and I could go inside and get something to eat or use the bathroom when I felt the urge. She thought that I may have been suicidal, so she called the police and told them to check in on me. The police came by in the middle of the night and they discovered that my car registration had expired and they said that they felt that I had enough problems, so they said that they would cut me a break, but only if I moved my car and did not park by the Wal-Mart any more.
That was it for me and that chick and I started having these brutally violent thoughts about murdering her while we were having sex and then later on I tried to prove to myself that I was not capable of acting on any of the images that were in my head. Then there was that guy in the supermarket proudly wearing his NRA shirt, the day after that school shooting in Parkland, Florida which made me see red. I thought about waiting out in the parking lot for him and running him over with my car. It seems like I can be having an awesome day and then all of a sudden something snaps inside of my brain and disrupts all of the beauty. I guess being homeless is not helping my sanity and don’t even get me started on Trump.
Written for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Tale Weaver – #160 – Homelessness.