Keeping Me Awake At Night

I do not feel pain, well I am just really good at ignoring it, so that never keeps me awake at night.  I do not have insomnia because of depression, anxiety, mental illness or stress, as I am a pretty well rounded person, that hardly ever gets nervous or irritable.  I do have sleep apnea, which is often linked to heart disease, high blood pressure, and stroke, and this caused me to snore constantly and loudly, till I got my CPAP Continuous Positive Airway Pressure machine, but I am good now.  I have some other medical conditions like type II diabetes and I assume that one day I may develop Parkinson’s disease, as sometimes I can feel my hand shaking.  I live in a gated community with a bunch of old people, who are always quiet and respectful, so they are not keeping me awake at night.  I guess my writing keeps me up mostly at night.

It is not as bad now that I am only writing blogs, having already written three very long books, but I actually think that I did some of my best writing in my dreams.  I would wake up and run to my computer, so I could capture my thoughts and not lose them.  I get involved in my writing and my whole world now seems to exist because of my writing.  My career as an electrical engineer is over, only because recruiters want to know what I have been doing for the past five years and when I tell them that I have been writing, they do not understand me.

It is not like my writing is making me rich, as I have not made one penny from anything that I have written, but I am still compelled to write.  I do not have any goals other than getting my second book published, and I hope that this happens soon.  I should probably be more concerned about finances, but I have always been a live for today type of person, so I do not see that changing.  I have broken off contact with my brother and his family, but I do try to stay in touch with my sister and her family.  I am divorced and I never had any kids, so I do not have a family of my own, however I am OK being on my own.  Next February I will apply for Medicare, but I will wait another year before I apply for social security.  I should probably break down and buy a new bed, as I am sure that might help me rest a bit better.  I do make several bathroom trips every night, but I never have a problem getting back to sleep.  I love the challenges on WordPress and this is my first attempt at this new one.

We grow up with templated goals on education, career, finances, family, retirement and are happy to achieve those. Is this really what seizes us, does not let us sleep in the night?  Or is it something else?

Written for Reena’s Exploration Challenge #Week 4 Deadline 22nd September, 2017.

18 thoughts on “Keeping Me Awake At Night

  1. Answer: It’s something else (8-36). 8 is how old we are (give or take) when we feel our first obsessional link to ‘wanting to be …’ and 36 is the mid-road when we realise we should’ve listened to 8.
    We still get a choice – just go on and do what it is that keeps our mind bolting through life and learning and growing, or …
    I’ve made a few pennies with my words (not enough to live on – yet), but I can’t stop. I should’ve stuck with it from the time I got my first piece published – but life got in the way, and the life of a writer doesn’t (and particularly back then without self-pub) pay the bills unless you already have a name, or a friend in the game.
    Anyway, keep it up if you love it, keep up your community writing (here), and know that you don’t have to wake anyone up if that crazy-great idea pops into your head at 0dark00 (that oh-dark-hundred).
    Oh, and it’s better to buy the new mattress now, before it becomes so bad you have to pay someone else to put it on the bed for you.

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    1. I was not aware of 0dark00, so I felt compelled to look it up and it makes perfect sense being a very early morning report time, used in the military, in which hours before 10:00 AM are prefixed with a zero, read as ‘oh’, and 00 minutes, before the Sun comes up, thus being dark. I was never in the military, so thanks for sharing this with me. I will probably get a new mattress for Christmas as I have to give myself something. I am not so sure about your 8-36 scenario, as that might have worked for you, but I was a real goofy kid and I did not have anything relevant to say at the age of eight. I do appreciate your wisdom about, “doing what it is that keeps our mind bolting through life and learning and growing’, that was well said.

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  2. We live only as long as we think. One only exists beyond that. Writing is cathartic at a personal level. At a social or professional level, it can keep us alive online, depending on how we choose to project ourselves. It places us in new communities, where we can share without fear of judgement or repercussions. Regarding the physical symptoms, it is more a fear of the onset of old age, rather than age.Everybody is in the process of constantly ageing.

    A deeply reflective piece. Thanks for joining in the challenge. Stay with us…

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    1. I don’t think that I was sharing as much as I was rambling, but I guess a reader would see it as sharing. I actually sleep pretty good and I was listing more reasons for my good sleep, than things that might keep me awake. Thanks for your comment.


  3. I love your last paragraph “We grow up with templated goals on education, career, finances, family, retirement and are happy to achieve those. Is this really what seizes us, does not let us sleep in the night? Or is it something else?” Excellent post!

    Liked by 1 person

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