The Church Mouse

Lurch the church mouse was as fat as a rat.  He had a pointed nose, a brown colored furry round body that was about the size of a baked potato, he featured very large ears and a long hairless tail that was the same length as his body.  Folks said that he was as fat as a rat, but everyone knows that mice and rats are different types of rodents, with rats generally being larger than mice, and they can be bald, scaly and cylinder-shaped, so Lurch was no rat.  People often would say that someone was as hungry as a church mouse, which was the same as saying that they were as hungry as a horse, or hungry as a bear, or hungry as a wolf which just meant that someone was very hungry.

If a person is famished, ravenous and starving then they might be hungry enough to eat a horse and maybe they may want to eat an entire elephant.  If a person is said to be as hungry as a horse, this means that they want some food, because they have not eaten for some time and they most likely have an uncomfortable or painful feeling in their stomach, which is causing it to make a growling sound.  Horses are constantly grazing and when a person eats a lot of food at a meal, they are said to be eating like a horse.  Wolves tend to eat a lot and they often gulp down their meals in a single bite, because they have these ferocious cravings, which makes them voracious, and as a result they desire and devoure great quantities of food. People that eat in a hurry are said to be wolfing down their food.  If you say that someone woofed down a meal, this is a specific kind of error that is called an egg corn, which is a term that developed after a woman called an acorn an egg corn.  Bears hibernate all winter long and when they are done hibernating, they are extraordinarily hungry.

Back to our church mouse, who never actually lived inside of a church, but because churches were not known for storing food, any mouse residing inside of a church, would most likely be very hungry mouse and Lurch did enjoy eating.  The moniker of being a church mouse stuck with him and apparently once you are a church mouse, then you are always considered to be a church mouse.  Being a church mouse is the highest title that Lurch ever reached and it is tradition for him to be called a church mouse, in much the same way as a former president would still be called Mr. President.

Lurch came from a big family and some of his cousins included the deer mouse, house mouse, field mouse, wood mouse, dormouse, spiny mouse and the zebra mouse.  Lurch was nocturnal, as he liked to sleep during the day.  He was also a domestic mouse who was very friendly toward humans and he made a good pet for the Biology teacher who kept him in a cage in her classroom.  The students enjoyed hearing him play and watching him foraging around in his cage and quite often they would let him out to run around the class.

It is a bit strange, but Lurch did not actually eat all that much cheese.  Mostly he ate fruits, seeds and grains, but being omnivorous, he could eat both plants and meat.  Lurch really liked to eat peanut butter and he would eat between 15 to 20 times a day.  Mice are a lot like humans in the way that their bodies and minds work.  This is why laboratories use mice as test subjects for medicines and other items that may be used on humans.  Nearly all modern medicine is tested on mice before they go to human medical trials.  Lurch had a cousin that was a lab mouse and he was happy to be the Biology pet, as long as they never discussed dissecting him in an experiment.

14 thoughts on “The Church Mouse

  1. I used to live in a 120-year-old Queen Victoria-style house. We had mice in our attic and I would set traps to catch them before they discovered our kitchen. Like Lurch, our guest mice preferred peanut butter over cheese for their last suppers.

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    1. My wife kept telling me that there was something down in our basement and I told her that she was just hearing things, but then one night as we were watching TV in our living room the mouse showed itself. I was tired so I told her that I would catch it tomorrow and the next morning I went into the basement. I opened up a few dozen boxes till I felt something stirring in the bottom of the one I picked up. I shut the lid and proceeded up the stairs and yelled to my wife to open up the front door for me. She was up in the shower, so she did not hear me and just as I made my way towards the door, rain started coming down in buckets. It was one of those freezing cold rains, so I just chucked the box outside and I saw the mouse run under the dumpster. When the rain was over I went out to pick up the stuff from the box and I saw 5 tiny pink dead babies, so I knew I got there just in time.

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  2. I used to raise rats for a local doctor’s snake. It was gruesome, but even a snake has to eat, eh. My pet rat often sat on my shoulder during sunday services and the minister always said the rat paid more attention to his words than the congregation. She was my constant companion for three and a half years. Have had others over the years and loved every one.

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      1. Our challenge isn’t for Daily Post postings or stories, it is for the Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers weekly challenge stories. Please link your stories for FFfAW challenge in the InLinkz Story Board and not Daily Post postings or stories.

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