The Letter is C

Here we are again for another weekly contest, please don’t hit the like button for this post, as I am only interested in contestants having fun.  Another warning, the comment box is only for submissions, please do not make any comments that don’t apply to being a submission in this game!  This game will be called the Letter Repetition Game as this accurately describes how it played.  It is not an alliteration game as that would also involve the occurrence of the same sound in a word and this Letter Repetition Game requires you to write a sentence where every word in this sentence starts with the same letter.  If you think this could be a fun game, then write your sentence in the comment boxes shown below.  The person who gets the most likes on their sentence will be the winner.  Have fun, tell your friends and spread the word (no pun intended).  Any comments that are made which do not directly apply to the contest will be deleted.

This contest will run starting from every Tuesday through the following Monday.  The winner will be decided by the numbers of likes that their comment box gets.  If you paid any attention to the title of this post, it should be clear that you are to create a sentence where every word starts with the letter C for this week and next week we will move on to the letter D.

Don’t take this too serious, as this contest is mostly about having fun.  It is not that difficult to play, as all you have to do is make a sentence using words that start with the same letter.  The sentence does not have to make all that much sense, but the more sense it makes the better it is.  There is no prize issued and it would be good if you only made one submission per week.  A sample sentence is listed below.  Last week had 4 participants and Vandana won with two likes.  Last week’s entries are listed below.

Vandana – Boisterous boys belched boorishly bogging buttered buns!

Sight – Being best bear bad break because beginning becomes borderline

Fandango – Betsy better buy bagels before breakfast begins because Bill brought bags bearing baguettes.

Yarrowhouse – Believe Batman became batty behind Batgirl’s beauty

Cindy Crawford casually crawled coming conveniently closer clearing complicated cosmetic cases confronting cute curls.

Summertime Blues the Story

I am not going to raise a fuss, and there is no reason for me to shout or cry, I have not worked all summer long as I have been here writing every day.  I see some bloggers have incorporated advertisements on their sites to promote one thing or another, but I am not sure if that is such a sweet deal.  I had to stop following some bloggers because of this and even though I loved their writing, my virus protection system kept issuing warnings so much that I had to close the post before I was even done reading it.  So no matter how much they earn by selling out, I view it as being small potatoes (you know those cute baby or petite ones).

Every time I call my baby, to try to get a date, I tell her that I just finished playing dice with her boss and since I won again she won’t have to work late.  Sometimes I wonder what I am going to do, because writing in this Monday Maniac Challenge is so time consuming, but it seems to be a cure for the summertime blues.  My mother and father both told me, ‘Stop writing all the time, you lazy SOB get out of the house and make some money.  If you get a job, we will let you use the car after church next Sunday.’  I wanted to use the car, but just the thought of going to work made me feel sick.  Thoughts of getting the car haunted me, but I didn’t want to work a lick.

Sometimes I wonder what I am going to do, I like the Monday Maniac Challenge and it has become a sanctuary for the summertime blues.  I should probably take two weeks off from writing (most of the stuff that I write stinks to high heavens anyway) and go on a vacation.  New York City is not for me and I don’t want to visit the United Nations.  I have no idea who my congressman actually is or what he stands for.  He never helped me with anything and I think he smokes dope.  I no longer wonder what I am going to do, I am in the Monday Maniac Challenge and thankfully it has cured my summertime blues.

Sandi Flip Flops Every day Summertime Blues
4th installment Manic Monday Challenge

It Has Been a Good Month

I actually wrote 80 different posts this month, which is a record for me. I have been off from work all summer and with August coming and me going back to work as a substitute teacher again, I will not have as much time for writing like I do now.  I wrote this post because I was feeling nostalgic, you know that sentimental longing or wistful affection that people feel for their past, those glory days that are associated with happy personal accomplishments. In case you missed any of my posts, or if you are also feeling nostalgic, I listed all of them below here for you.  If you had a favorite, I would love to know which one you liked.

Why Did the Tower Collapse
Beethoven’s Fifth
Is Russian Collusion Just a Delusion
Silly Head
Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery
Sorry For Being Such a Pest
A Wicked Slice
Deep Throat Shallow Plot
The Old Silk Road
What Are You Afraid Of
Don Quixote is Coining
Flag Police
My Lost Dream
Flag Edicate
For All the Tea In China
Row Your Boat
Passed Inspection 100 Words
One-Liner Wednesday – Priorities
I Have Always Been This Way
Have You Gone Soft in the Head
Family Traditions
The Letter is B
Dark Thoughts Diminished
My Autocorrect Needs Correcting
Hanging Gardens of Babylon
Elocution Cartoon
Cool Beans Shakespeare It Is
Pythagorean Harmony
Kicks Challenge
No Fucking Way I Shit You Not
Gordian Knot
Unrelenting
Baby Talk
Scrabble Gate
Words Escape Me
Her Top Came Off
Her Nickname Was Lollipop
To Die For
The Game is On
Catastrophic
The Parking Lot App
What On Earth
The Letter is A
The Night I Got Lucky
A Forgotten Prophet
Same Song Different Lyrics
Killing in Tumultuous Times
It Takes All Types
Savoring Life
How Weird Are Words
Desperately Seeking Moxie
Colorful Thoughts
He Had the Tattoo
Foot Idioms
A Giant Named Og
The Power of Love
Storming the Bastille
Busy As A Bee
It Is All About The Music
Russians Got Me
Camel Toe
Roxanne
Would this classify as a Haiku
Is Time Irrational
WordPress
Leg Braces
My Life Or Something Like It
What is That Stuff on My Plate
Give Me a Topic
Dancing for the God of Wine
Torrential
Dancing Through Life
For My Followers
Dipped in the Inkwell
The World is a Mess
Mandrakes Tethered
What the Pluck
Sailing
No Need To Dash Off
Going Your Own Way
Trailer For My New Book
Sirens Singing

Why Did the Tower Collapse

It is not very clear how much man knew before the days of Noah and the flood, but man must have carried some knowledge with him, because civilization sprang up like a phoenix out of the ashes once the ark landed on Mount Ararat.  Noah definitely knew about fire and he probably knew about the wheel and he had construction skills which allowed him to build the boat.  I think that Noah may have been aware of some sacred geometry which incorporates the base 60.  Geometry is all about shapes and their properties.  An angle measures the amount of turn in a certain shape.  Most shapes are related to the angle of 60 degrees, as the sum total of all three interior angles of a triangle is always 180.  180 divided by 60 equals 3.  For the square having four equal sides it is 360.  360 divided by 60 equals 6.  The pentagon, a five sided object has 540 and 540 divided by 60 equals 9.  The six sided hexagon is 720 and 720 divided by 60 equals 12.  A seven-sided heptagon is 900 and 900 divided by 60 equals 15.  The eight sided octagon is 1080 and 1080 divided by 60 equals 18.

Math is beautiful when you can see the patterns and what I see here is that different shapes are created by adding another side and you may think of them as being more complex shapes, but each time a side is added and then that new total interior angle is divided by 60 a number is incremented by 3.  The Sumerians used base 60 for their number scheme and the number 60 had a special significance to the ancients.  Apart from being equal to five dozen, or the average number of pairs of shoes that the modern woman owns, the number 60 is still in use today as we have 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, and as I have already discussed many angles relate to 60.  If the number is a principle of sacred geometry is it possible that it emerged from God and was given to man, and then carried by Noah and his sons of after the flood, as they migrated and settled into the lands of the middle east?

Noah and his family all spoke the same language and Noah grew grapes and he made wine, but he probably also constructed a house, so he didn’t have to live in a damp cave.  People multiplied their numbers (nothing to do with math) settling in the cradle of civilization because it was a fertile crescent comprised of green lands located between the Tigris & Euphrates rivers.  It wasn’t long before individuals developed special skills such as mining, metallurgy, music, agriculture and animal husbandry and then they decided to build temples.  These temples were originally built on platforms and eventually these temples were made higher and bigger.  Ultimately they decided to build even higher temples on platforms which were stepped and these stepped towers are called ziggurats.

It is thought that the Tower of Babel constructed under the leadership of king Nimrod was a ziggurat or temple-tower, and it had geometry based on the number 60.  Nimrod wanted to make a name for himself and his subjects followed him.  He was motivated by self glorification to build a great tower.  He wanted visitors to come to his city and admire the engineering that went into this project, and be amazed about how he could lead so many men to carry out of this great plan, and be astonished at all the hard work that went into constructing it.  He had a lust for power (I could have used this yesterday) and he felt that people might travel miles to see it and that would be good for commerce.

One day a giant named Og, got a job working for King Nimrod building the tower of Babel.  Og became skilled in construction helping to build this stairway to heaven.  Og learned how to make bricks by mixing chopped straw with clay and how to pour this into molds.  These bricks were baked in the sun and then they were joined together using tar.  Og helped to build the wooden scaffolding and he hoisted bricks and stone up to the upper levels using a pulley system.  King Nimrod recognized what a good worker Og had become and how the other workers looked up to him (how could they not as he was a giant), so he promoted Og to foreman.  Og had to inspect the quality of bricks and make sure that they were not being made out of substandard materials and he had to ensure that all the stairs were within tolerance.  Og kept the other workers on track and made sure that the foundation was sturdy.  When Og climbed up to the top of the tower, he had an impressive view of Mesopotamia and this made him dream of his lost unicorn.

Og realized that this tower was doomed to fail, as the bricks were not strong enough to stand up to the elements of nature.  Og went to King Nimrod to tell him that he wanted to quit his job, because he felt that he would be blamed because of shoddy construction.  Nimrod told Og that he was aware that some of the bricks were crumbling, but he wanted Og to continue working because he felt they were getting closer to heaven.  Og told Nimrod that he was acting like the back end of a centaur, and he told the king that they would never be able to build anything that could reach heaven.  Nimrod allowed Og to quit and he gave him his pay and then a lightning bolt flashed down from the sky and struck the tower of Babel.  God confounded the language of the workers and the construction stopped and people were scattered to different parts of the Earth.  Og left the city of Babel and went to the wilderness to look for his unicorn.

Beethoven’s Fifth

This is clearly the ultimate party song of all time.  It is an instrumental, but clearly it is about a fifth of whiskey, rum or vodka as I don’t think that tequila was invented back them.  The term ‘fifth, comes from the days when bottles were 4/5 of a quart, which is the same as 1/5 of a gallon.  The term fifth is no longer used as a measure of bottle sizes and thus it is somewhat archaic.  Doing the math, 1/5 gallon equals 4/5 quart which is 25.6 ounces, which is all so very close to 750ml (or 25.4oz) and that is still used to describe this bottle size.  I heard that the first time this song was performed an assistant came out and told the audience that Ludwig sent his apologies because he was not going to make it.  He then signaled the musicians to start playing as he sang:
He drank a fifth
Too many shots
Ludwig just fell down again
Out on the floor
He is out for good this time
Real party guy
His masterpiece
Short, short, short, long
Ludwig’s Fifth Sym… pho…ny!
Rhythm pattern

Is Russian Collusion Just a Delusion

I found myself at the Waffle House at 6AM this morning, eating home fries smothered with ketchup and I started wondering if things are OK in my life.  Could I simply check the leading economic indicators to find out how I am doing, while maintaining a skeptical awareness about how politicians prefer to spin data in a positive light or manipulate it in such a way that everything appears to be rosy?  I actually hate economics and I do not know that much about the stock market, but I do purchase gas for my car.

I did have a few economic courses and I understand the law of supply and demand in so much as investments are centered around the levels of production, consumer demand.  Drilling more oil usually means that the gas prices will drop and if there is a disruption in this service, than I will have to pay more at the pump.  I checked on Gas Buddy dot com and it appears that the best prices in my neighborhood are around $2.10 a gallon, which is OK with me and I don’t feel like I am being gouged at that price.

I feel that gas prices are a good indicator of economic conditions, due to the fact that they will impact how much people travel, how goods are shipped and how people will need to formulate and adjust their budgets.  When home heating prices climb, people need to make a decision on whether or not they can afford to turn up their thermostats, or if they will climb up into the attic to get those extra blankets.  If goods become more expensive because of increased shipping costs, people have to limit what they decide to buy.  I am not exactly doing back flips over the current gas prices, but as the saying goes things could always be worse.

Does this mean that the Republicans are doing a great job leading our country and that Mr. Trump is making it great again?  Is there an upward trend someplace that shows a promising future, are we in a recession and what about inflation and do I need to consider those people who suffered losses on their investments?  I heard that unemployment numbers are down, but I know how misleading that is as once unemployment benefits are exhausted a person may still be unemployed, but they are no longer a statistic.  Does raising the minimum wage solve anything?  What is the Federal Reserve doing with interest rates?  Is the failure of the Euro hurting us?

Is there going to be more fighting in the White House?  Are we done discussing climate control?  Don’t even get me started on the problems with our education system.  Is everything OK now with the VA and is anyone doing anything about healthcare?  Those damn Russians, what the hell are we going to do about them hacking our elections and creating those email viruses?  That crazy guy Kim Jong-un in North Korea, how many more missiles does he have to launch before we kick his ass?  Clearly I am loaded with questions and I have no answers, so I will ask my waitress for some more coffee while I finish up my home fries.

Silly Head

The police chief entered the examination room just as his forensic expert Simon Method was finishing up and he exclaimed. ‘Is that the head that was found in the woods off the country club?’  Simon said, ‘Yes it is, what do you want me to do with it?’  The chief responded, ‘That depends on whether or not you are done collecting all of the available evidence.  What have you determined so far?’  Simon said, ‘Well this head does not have any toes to touch, so I can’t go around saying Simon says touch your toes.  The head was dead when it was found by a golfer who was looking for his ball who whacked this head with the head of his golf club and I assume it was a nine iron or perhaps a wedge.’

The chief said, ‘How long has the head been dead?’  Simon said, ‘There was no sign of bleeding from the golf club impact, so it was dead before it got whacked.  The golfer found it two days ago and it has started to decay and it has become one smelly head, so I am guessing it has been dead at least a week.

 

198 words exactly Prompt: Sunday Photo Fiction
Photo provided by © A Mixed Bag
[Synthetic Alien Head from the National Space Centre,  Leicester, UK]

Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery

God did not make a law against fornication, where two people who are not married to each other engage in sexual intercourse, however many churches teach that fornication involves sexual immorality stating that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and that any sex outside the marriage will not glorify God. The position taken by the church is that sex is a sin unless you are married and only a husband can have sex with his wife without sinning.  If everyone were to abstain from sex until after they were married, than there would be far fewer sexually transmitted diseases around, less abortions, not as many unwanted pregnancies and absolutely no unwed mothers.  Most of the children would grow up having both of their parents in their lives.  Abstinence would saves lives and protect babies, however it would ruin all the fun, because single people have sexual desires and they should be able to satisfy them without making a lifelong commitment.

Whose body am I inside of?  Does my body belong to the Holy Spirit or does it belong to me?  If it is my body, than I should be able to make my own decisions concerning my own actions, but if my body belongs to the Holy Spirit, than He should determine what is best for me.  If it is not my body, than why did I get horney and think about having pre-marital sex?  Is it possible that some of the Scriptures concerning sexual purity that clearly condemn sex before marriage are outdated and archaic?  Why would God create us with desires that we are not able to control?  Is sex merely a physical act, or is it supposed to be a spiritual encounter?

Where is the line drawn, is kissing a sin, would holding hands be a sin?  Jesus said, ‘But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you, and if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you, for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.’  Will blind people be the only ones that end up in heaven?

Is lust a misplaced or overly robust libido which causes a person to want something more than they should, up to the point where it has become unhealthy?  Did Jesus turn the sexual morality dial up a few extra notches with His statement that He made at the Sermon on the Mount, or did He set the bar so high that it would be impossible for anyway to follow?  Did Jesus intend to give laws that only priests would be able to follow?  Lust, desire, temptation and sin are all related by interpreters of the Bible and these four words have formed a vicious circle that makes them inseparable.  Plato thought that the human soul was divided into higher parts and lower parts and these lower parts held a person’s appetite, their source of drive for pleasure, including desires for food, drink and sexual pleasure.  Socrates felt that this part of the soul was non-rational, and it was not driven only by desires, but also by necessity, which made humans act frivolous, or do things that were unlawful, illegal and even sinful.  When a person is hungry enough or thirsty enough, their desires will overwhelm them and they will do whatever is necessary to satisfy their needs.

Is it possible that since the Bible was translated into many different languages that some of its original meanings were changed?  Perhaps Jesus did not suggest that any sexual thought or inclination of desire towards a woman was a sin, maybe this could be viewed as sexual thoughts or attractions that are triggered by looking at a woman are what is sinful.  Looking should not be a problem and especially not a sin, as my grandfather stated, ‘When I am too old to look than I am too old to live.’  When a man sees a beautiful woman, he should not be blamed for looking at her.  Having sexual desire isn’t a problem, but purposely looking at a woman to seek out sexual desire is.  Mathew described these words of Jesus and I think what he wanted everyone to understand is that having any extramarital sex was wrong, but the moment that any person decided to travel down that slippery slope towards committing adultery, that this person already had sin in their heart.

The Old Testament did not mess around, as things were defined and penalties were stipulated such as stating that, ‘If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die.’  Some things are a bit muddy as the Bible prohibits a man from taking another man’s wife, but there is no indication of whether or not this man is also married.  A conundrum, can a single guy have sex with a married woman without it being a sin?  Most people think it is clear that when any married person willingly seeks a sexual liaison with another person, whether or not that person is also married, both people are guilty of committing adultery.

The Ten Commandments tells us that there are things that we should avoid doing.  One day Jesus told a man that he should keep the commandments and the man replied, ‘Which ones?’  Jesus responded, ‘Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not covet.’  Mathew asked Jesus, ‘Teacher, what is the most important commandment in the Law?’  Jesus said unto him, ‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.  This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.  On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.’

Sorry For Being Such a Pest

Annoying people seem to know that they get under your skin and these pests will probably start off a conversation with phrases like, ‘Sorry for causing you this inconvenience’, when in reality they are not one bit sorry.  Sales people are probably the biggest pests, always looking after their own agenda and never thinking about how irritating they are.  Children and pets can also be irritating and pesky, especially when they need to get attention.  Political correctness dictates that you are not allowed to rectify the behavior of another person’s child, even when they are disturbing you by fidgeting around, talking too loudly, running like wild animals, or screaming to the point of becoming so annoying that you just want to smack them. Most dogs are show off’s, they love attention, but that persistent dog who demands to be pet every second will wear on anyone’s nerves.  We are the humans and they are the dogs, so attention should be given to them on our terms, not theirs.

People on airplanes can be pests and one day you may find yourself sitting behind that person who reclines their seat all the way back and invades your space.  It boggles the mind to think how these a-holes can be so clueless.  It is always irritating when you meet jerks, but sadly jerks are a part of life and you must decide which battles you want to fight and if you do engage an opponent, then you must carefully chose the hill where you will make your stand.  Remember to take a deep breath and decide if it is more important for you to get the last word in, or if there is another way that allows you to resist the temptation of lashing out at this nasty individual.  There are times when the bullying must stop and you need to stand up for yourself.  If you feel your reputation is being tarnished, or someone says something that puts your career in jeopardy, or when you feel deep down in your soul that you have been wronged, then this is when the time has come for you to speak your truth.

In that Aesop fable, the boy who shouted wolf was a pest.  This shepherd boy got bored and he decided to make up lies, however when you are deemed to be a pest, than no one will come to your rescue.  Peter Falk played a character named Colombo who was a murder investigation detective and he was effective because he was a pest.  The killers were usually condescending, always thinking that he was stupid and it would be easy to outwit him.  He had his way of annoying them just when they thought that they had gotten away with their crime, as he would say things like, ‘Gee, that’s funny, I find that very interesting, but something still puzzles me.  I hope I am not being a pest, but there is just one point that I want to clear up.  Do you mind just answering a few more questions because I am trying to tie some up loose ends.’  That is when the cigar chomping detective wearing that rumpled raincoat had them dead to rights.

A Wicked Slice

Henry had a steady job working as a caddy at a prestigious world-renowned country club which is steeped in tradition and history and he usually did two loops every day.  A loop involves carrying two golf bags around for 18 holes.  It was a good job for staying in shape, especially climbing up all of those hills at the country club, but whenever Henry was not carrying golf bags, he was at the tavern drinking, so overall he was not in that great of shape.  During the week most of the members had jobs, so they could not get out to play golf as often as they wanted, but there were some older gentlemen who took out the time to play every day.  These old farts were not great golfers and in fact they were nothing but crotchety old fuckers, but Henry had a steady loop with them playing in the afternoons and this way he was always able to caddy two times per day.  Golfers are strange creatures with all the bets that they make and after the beer starts flowing they usually just get weirder.  They have to maintain a certain etiquette and there are a ton of rules that they are required to follow, in fact, there are so many official rules to this game, most average players do not know all of them.  Henry knew all the rules and this made him popular with almost every member.

Milton Mulligan always arrived late to the golf course, he never took the time to stretch or loosen up, basically because he was just damn lazy.  When he got to the course he was stiff, so much so that he always messed up his first tee shot and then he would complain that he wanted a do-over.  To stop his bitching, the other golfers knew that they would have to grant him a second chance to remedy his blunder. Every time these gentlemen played together, they allowed Mulligan to replay his tee shot on the first hole without charging him a penalty stroke, and eventually they named this shot the mulligan.

This was an elite country club and because of this women were not allowed on the course till the afternoon.  The caddy master was responsible for keeping the women from playing in the mornings and this worked out well for Derrick Johnson who was an afternoon player and he also had a shot named after him.  At most other golf courses this shot is called the Dick Out, but here it was always referred to as the johnson, because he had done this so often.  Guys will be guys and they like to play odd games and tease each other about male prowess, especially when it comes to hitting a golf ball a long distance and you might hear someone say, ‘You are a long dude, like huge!’  There is an unwritten rule, that was more like a custom, which stated that if a male player fails to make it past the ladies tee off area with their drive, than that player must open his fly and play their way up to the green with his male appendage hanging out of his pants in full view of the other golfers, to prove that they are not a woman.  When ladies were on the course this custom was not followed, so there would be no johnson shots.

Kelly Gallagher used to tee them high and let them fly, but he had this awful habit of hitting beneath the ball which caused it to go high up in the air, but it did not travel very far in distance.  This shot is referred to as a giraffe’s ass, because it is high and stinky, but here it was called the gallagher.  The last player in this foursome was named Benjamin Buchannan and his nickname was Bucky and he had a wicked slice.  Now I have to describe what a slice is.

Before I can explain the slice to you, I need to discuss the difference between right handed and left handed golfers.  In my opinion left handed golfers have no reason to play this game, but since they do make left handed clubs and there are left handed golfers, you need to understand this oddity.  Baseball has switch hitters, but in golf, people either stand on the left side of the ball or on the right side of the ball.  The reason I dislike lefties is that I used to be a caddy and you get so used to walking up to the ball and placing the bag down on the right side of it, so the golfer can select their club, but this is all bass-ackwards when you have to caddy for a leftie.  I think that the Tower of Babel may have been built by some left handed construction workers and that is why it collapsed.  I’m not exactly sure who the first person was that did something backwards, but I wish I could strangle him.  I understand that left handed persons are born that way and holding a bias against lefties is unfair, but they should go bowling or fishing and not play golf.  I am done with lefties now, so everything else will be related to righties or normal golfers.

Most golfers don’t hit straight shots down the middle of the fairway all that often, even professionals stray into the rough.  A straight shot does not curve to the right or the left and the shot that curves to the left is called a hook, while a shot that curves to the right is termed a slice.  There may be times when you want to hit a slice or hook shot, perhaps to get around a tree or avoid some other obstacle.  A little slice is called a fade, and a little hook is called a draw.

Being the steady caddy for the old timers for so many years, Henry knew exactly what to expect from them.  The four old coots always played together and they had the same tee time and depending on how hot the day got, they would either all walk, which would mean that another double caddy would join Henry, or they world all ride golf carts, requiring Henry to carry their putters and tend all the pins.  These guys were all very well off and the average age among them was probably about 90.  They all had outlived all of their wives and they each had young Asian housekeepers to take care of their needs.

One afternoon, the oldest golfer Bucky, who was also the worst player in this group, sliced his ball into the woods and he looked at Henry and said, ‘What happens now?’  Henry was irritated and he barked back, ‘You have been playing this game since before I was born and you know the rules and the penalties that are incurred.  The lost ball rule allows you or I should say me, 5 minutes to search for your ball.  If I am able to locate your ball, then you can play it where it lies or you can declare your ball to be unplayable and that will cost you a penalty stroke and you would be able to drop your ball within two club lengths of where the ball lies, no closer to the hole.

Since you clearly did not hit it into a water hazard and there are no stakes indicating that this is marked as being out of bounds, and subsequently if I don’t find your ball in the allotted time period, you must play another ball from the spot where your last shot was played, incurring a penalty of one stroke, and of course the loss of distance.  You can hit a provisional ball from here lying two on the tee and three after you hit it which will save all of us from having to look for your ball in the woods.  There is one other option that you may choose which of course will also cost you a one stroke penalty, and that is to draw a line from the hole to where the ball is located and drop anywhere behind that point, keeping the point between you and the hole.’  Bucky banged his driver on his golf bag and said, ‘Cigar.’ Henry knew this was his signal to fish a cigar out of his bag and help him light it.

The cart girl came by and everyone got refreshments and Henry said, ‘Hit your provisional shot and then when we walk up to your ball, we can try and find the one that you hit into the woods, but there are a lot of creepy things in there like snakes and such, so I am not going to look too long.  I actually think that this is the exact spot where some golfer last week was looking for his ball and he found a decapitated head.  How creepy is that, just a head, no body and not even a limb.’

For Linda G. Hill Stream of Consciousness Saturday