Another Eli Commercial

I have been telling you about my original masterpiece, the ‘Ancient Book of Eli’, which demands to be read, that it will capture your attention and keep you turning the pages and that it will appeal to the masses.  I have alleged that my book is a must read and that once you start reading it, that you won’t be able to put it down.  I indicated that my characters transcend the pages and that they will remain in your thoughts, long after you have closed my book.  I also said that any person who finishes reading my book, will tell all of their friends that it was one of the most satisfying reading experiences that they have had in their entire life.  I know that by the time you reach the end, you will have cried, laughed, been inspired by my songs and poems, aroused with sexual desires and there is a good chance that you will have learned something new.

This new commercial is sarcastic and it does not intend to offend anyone.  Anything done to excess could end up with harmful consequences!  Air, sunshine and water are all looked at as being positive things, but breathing too much air, or being exposed to too much sunshine, or drinking too much water can all lead to death.  There is not data available to back this up yet, but prolonged extensive reading of my book may come with some annoying side effects.  Continuous reading of my new book may cause an uncontrollable movement of your eye muscles, which is commonly known as twitching.  Other side effects may include restless leg syndrome, headaches, upset stomachs or profuse sweating.  Any side effects that are incurred due to reading my book are unintended and the author assumes no responsibility if you experience any loss of cognitive functions, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, hair loss, mouth sores or hemorrhoids.

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